Subjectively Speaking
Disoriented.
The presence of tags, labels, and stereotypes sent me into a downward spiral of disorientation. Coming from a perilous childhood background I was not ready for this. I did not foresee this. Nevertheless, I can't just shut up and ignore this fact. Monstrosity aside, I tolerated it for the primary reason that graduating from College was what matters most. Not what other homosexuals think of me. Sure I think of it every now and then most especially dating guys who are supposedly, allegedly, or claiming to be discreet gays. But not when you have tons of Nursing Care Plans to finish everyday.
When senior year came less paperworks were given thus I have more time to go out. Come on, school is school, academics is academics, study is study but I have needs too you know. ;) Then that's where I interacted again with people, YM chat rooms were banned because of lewd and explicit content so what was my next step? Yes, I entered a social networking site, wait, let me rephrase, a gay networking site. Guys4Men to be exact. And there, there I saw the epitome that is labeling - from filling out the questions for preferences and for your ideal partner/one night stand/FuBu. Everything is laid out, everything according to one's perception, everything subjective.
And yet I was most of the time online there, exchanging messages from people who I find attractive and who finds me attractive or worth their lust. I could even confess that I've been caught up with the whole label scheme. No to chubs, no to effems, no to out gays, no to loud gays, no to a decade older than me gays, no to too attractive gays, no to too ugly gays, no to too much gym goer gays, no to too much club goer gays, no to make-up wearing gays, no to this, no to that. I was trapped in my own thoughts of not being judgmental and bias. How'd I get afflicted too much of this whole bimbo thinking? Myself. I got affected because of rejections I encountered from people who I think are attractive yet aren't attracted to me. Yeah, I got sucked in this vortex of discrimination and bigotry but just because.
A series of multiple dates helped me realize that there really is more to life than molding an idea and letting it form into a concrete one. If there's one cliche I would like to reiterate is that change is the only thing constant in this world.
Part 2
The presence of tags, labels, and stereotypes sent me into a downward spiral of disorientation. Coming from a perilous childhood background I was not ready for this. I did not foresee this. Nevertheless, I can't just shut up and ignore this fact. Monstrosity aside, I tolerated it for the primary reason that graduating from College was what matters most. Not what other homosexuals think of me. Sure I think of it every now and then most especially dating guys who are supposedly, allegedly, or claiming to be discreet gays. But not when you have tons of Nursing Care Plans to finish everyday.
When senior year came less paperworks were given thus I have more time to go out. Come on, school is school, academics is academics, study is study but I have needs too you know. ;) Then that's where I interacted again with people, YM chat rooms were banned because of lewd and explicit content so what was my next step? Yes, I entered a social networking site, wait, let me rephrase, a gay networking site. Guys4Men to be exact. And there, there I saw the epitome that is labeling - from filling out the questions for preferences and for your ideal partner/one night stand/FuBu. Everything is laid out, everything according to one's perception, everything subjective.
And yet I was most of the time online there, exchanging messages from people who I find attractive and who finds me attractive or worth their lust. I could even confess that I've been caught up with the whole label scheme. No to chubs, no to effems, no to out gays, no to loud gays, no to a decade older than me gays, no to too attractive gays, no to too ugly gays, no to too much gym goer gays, no to too much club goer gays, no to make-up wearing gays, no to this, no to that. I was trapped in my own thoughts of not being judgmental and bias. How'd I get afflicted too much of this whole bimbo thinking? Myself. I got affected because of rejections I encountered from people who I think are attractive yet aren't attracted to me. Yeah, I got sucked in this vortex of discrimination and bigotry but just because.
A series of multiple dates helped me realize that there really is more to life than molding an idea and letting it form into a concrete one. If there's one cliche I would like to reiterate is that change is the only thing constant in this world.
Part 2
wow. ano ung guys4men? friendster at multiply lang kasi gamit ko pang date. echos! hahaha
ReplyDeletetrue. change is the only constant thing in this world. so, anong type mong guy ngayon? :P
Labels. Very varied yet vague valuation of one's true sexuality.
ReplyDeletepareho kami ni Nimmy di namin alam ung G4M bwahaha, ano un? lols..
ReplyDeletei always say this, it's all a matter of taste and preference....kaya ganun, don't take things too personal.kanya kanyang trip lang ;P
Screw labels...defy limits
ReplyDeletebut seriously, I haven't tried G4M. I've heard of it, never tried it. I prefer my encounters random, very Before Sunrise by Richard Linklater...hehe
*Nimmy - hahaha! Yeah right! :) With guys? I'm very spontaneous. I can't say.
ReplyDelete*Carrie - you are absolutely correct. Vague is the most appropriate term.
*Soltero - again, YEAH RIGHT! Weird because I really took it personal hence blogging the experience. That was the past though...
*Mr. Brightside - good to know you've resurfaced from your pink cave again. That's what we're here for defying gravity, uh, I mean to defy limits. Crushing people's misconception in our own way. WOOOHOOO!
i went through the shallow phase too. but eventually, i got tired of the shallowness.
ReplyDeleteJust remember that everything begins with the superficial. :)
ReplyDelete