Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Pretty Hurts

I have always considered myself a simple type of guy when it comes to looking for a partner. I don't really care what he looks like as long as he is presentable to people. But that is really where the irony of life begins...we all have our ideal boyfriends: from the tall to the buff, from the fair-skinned to lean, from the goal-driven corporate executive to the very independent individual.

While I was realizing that, "Well, hey I'm not that simple after all" moment, I also realized how my standards just changed from the simple to the totally ridiculous. And somehow it made me more confused than ever.

Walking through the years as a gay man with different partners made me see the spectrum and the timeline of what I want an individual to be my partner: one moment I want him to be like this, the next second I want someone to be like this. It's insane.

When I was younger, things were simpler: chat with someone, meet, perhaps hook-up, and then make him your partner. That was the yesteryear. Now it's all different. Everyone seems to have upped their ante. And I mean everyone, gays and straights alike.

They say what we look for in a partner, the ones we lack. And somehow, and just recently, I believe that is a fact.

And so while Grindr was 'all fun and games until someone gets emotionally attached', I have deleted the application yet again. I figured my standards in looking for a partner were all just piling up like trash, and pretty soon, no one will ever meet the criteria.

So I ask you, are you happy with yourself and your self-imposed standards?

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Single And Ready To Mingle

Bring out the Tanduay Ice and save me a place on the ledge boys because G is back with a vengeance.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Cloud Storage

One week and three days. That's how long we have broken up.

I still think of you from time to time. But not like last week. I did cry a little, but not as much as I lost Chloe, my pet cat.

Ate asked me over the weekend if you're coming over. She told me she feels different with you not around over the weekend, especially Sundays. I do too.

I smiled at her and told a white lie. I told her you were busy with work.

Oh yeah, congrats on being promoted too. I know you deserve the promotion.

You were never my world. I told you that beforehand. You were part of it, yes, a large part of it, but never my world.

My sadness has ebbed for now. Our memories I hold dear. Our trips, our dinner dates, our lunch-outs - all stored within a small part of my memory. They can never be replaced thanks to you.

And as I browsed through photos of our pictures together: in Cebu, in Ilocos, in Serenitea, I think we had a great time. And we did our best to make it work.

So our photos will be stored in Google Drive where I can look at them from time to time and think of you from time to time. And hope that you think of me from time to time as well.

"There are no good or bad breakups. Just breakups."

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Lies, Lies, and More Lies

When an ex-partner tells you after your break-up that he'll always be there even though...

Dude, we won't even break up if you told me you'll always be there.

Monday, November 24, 2014


Ten percent body fat percentage - this is my goal until April of 2015.

Recently, Fitness First came to our office to look for eligible members to join their gym. I had no plans of joining Fitness because their rates are expensive, but I did try their machine where it indicated your BMI, fat %, muscle mass %, basal metabolic rate, and metabolic age.

I was never so conscious of those numbers aside from the BMI and BMR. It was something I felt very trivial and insignificant, but lo and behold, when the lady handed me the paper and told me that I have to increase my muscle mass percentage, I was quite surprised.

What's more surprising is that I have never paid attention to body fat percentages ever. Ever. And when the results came out of 17% BF percentage, I immediately looked at the web to check what those numbers stood for.

Apparently 17% is an average number and one where a person's muscles are already on their way but not yet showing much. I calculated my years weightlifting and got frustrated just because I have been going to the gym for nearly 6 years and yet still no signs of an 8-pack even a 6-pack.

I got so frustrated that I did more research and checked the differences in body fat percentages.

And so here I am obsessing on slimming and leaning down more. I can't help it. It's in my nature to obsess over these things. Even if I do try to distract myself, and believe me I have done ways to distract myself, it's mostly ineffective.

So for now I am in a very strict regimen of once a week cheat days with a couple of days of one-meal-per-day of a cup of rice, aside from the fact that I have started transitioning to semi-vegan (cow's milk still in the diet but no eggs).

It's working. It's still an adjustment phase for me but so far so good. I'm hoping to lean down to 10% body fat percentage with an increase in muscle mass by April.

I can do this.

I need to do this.