"I can't." "Yes you can." "No I can't, Marco." "Please?" "Really. As much as I want to. I still have work."
I tried thinking of a bargain. "How about tomorrow? Friday?" "I can't, G. Tomorrow I have work." "Then let's schedule that by Saturday?" "Fine." "So be it."
He finally agreed. "By the way, what's your name?" "Marco. Yours?" "G." "That's a nice name Marco." I added. "Thanks." "You have a nice body too." "Thank you G. You too. But I really have not worked out for months now." "Really? Man, I wish I could do that and not worry." "I actually want to get fatter." *Silence "Seriously?" I felt he seemed ridiculous. "Seriously." 'Haha." "Why?" "Because you're really boastful!" "I'm not. ;)" "You are." "No, I'm not G." "By the way, where do you work?" "I work as a part-time teacher in Alabang. How about you?" "I work as a Health Coach in Taguig." "That's nice." "Thanks. Your work is nice too!" I told him. "Yeah. I believe that children really are the future." "I believe so too. :) So...do you want to talk about your breakup?" "Nah. I believe we'll leave that for Saturday." "Alright. Looking forward."
And with that I flipped my phone and tried falling to sleep.
I still have not figured out how to write the perfect letter for you. I could start by saying 'sorry' or 'thank you', either of the two seems appropriate. But as our emotions finally distanced, mine especially, I am finding it more and more difficult to even start composing anything meaningful for you. It is true and to the best of my intentions, I wanted to get back with you. The month of March really made it hard for some reason. The idle moments aggravated it. Weekends were hell. Heck, I had a struggle with last month too but it has somehow abated. I took a three-day off to think things through. Everyone thought I was going out of town but I was just at home.
And found my worth, again. I think I had enough.
Perhaps you have moved on earlier than I did and that is okay. That is great. And I should be happy for you. I have to be. Exes have to be happy for their ex-partners. That is the rule, the law that governs the past relationships.
In breakups, it is almost always a race to find happiness and recovery earlier.
What is the point of this writing, B?
To tell you that I am okay. And that we will be okay - in time.
And if we see each other crossing paths again for some random reason, I will give you a thumbs up and smile from afar. No drama. No scandal. No teary eyes.
Because B, you will always have a place in my heart.
"And in this loveless world it may be that it's wiser to dream than to awake." - Dr. Hawkins, The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie