Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Regrets and Regress

And I finally had the guts to throw this one away.
Not because I hate you.
But because there's no use keeping this anymore.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Of Relationship Dynamics

"She already gave birth."

My Ate told me when she got home late and I was readying to go to work.

"Oh..." I haven't seen her for months because she moved back in with her family in Tondo.

I couldn't express anything. I felt that would be better. I did not get excited nor happy. I didn't even know how to react that time.

"So?" I asked ate.

"So what?" She shot back.

"What's your next step?"

"I don't know," while she placed her bag down on the dining table.

"Will you see her again?"

"I don't know."

"Will she see you again?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to see her again?"

"I don't know either."

"I see."

We stayed silent for a moment. I was still figuring out what was going on in her head.

"Do you miss her?"

"I do, but everything is just so complicated now. And complication is something I can't deal with now."

"We always have a choice."

"Yes. Yes we do."

After a few more moments of silence I grabbed my bag and bade goodbye for work.

Part 3

P.S. The child's name is the combination of my Ate's name and her ex-girlfriend's.

Friday, May 22, 2015


"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't, Marco."


"Really. As much as I want to. I still have work."

I tried thinking of a bargain.

"How about tomorrow? Friday?"

"I can't, G. Tomorrow I have work."

"Then let's schedule that by Saturday?"


"So be it."

He finally agreed.

"By the way, what's your name?"

"Marco. Yours?"


"That's a nice name Marco." I added.


"You have a nice body too."

"Thank you G. You too. But I really have not worked out for months now."

"Really? Man, I wish I could do that and not worry."

"I actually want to get fatter."


"Seriously?" I felt he seemed ridiculous.




"Because you're really boastful!"

"I'm not. ;)"

"You are."

"No, I'm not G."

"By the way, where do you work?"

"I work as a part-time teacher in Alabang. How about you?"

"I work as a Health Coach in Taguig."

"That's nice."

"Thanks. Your work is nice too!" I told him.

"Yeah. I believe that children really are the future."

"I believe so too. :) So...do you want to talk about your breakup?"

"Nah. I believe we'll leave that for Saturday."

"Alright. Looking forward."

And with that I flipped my phone and tried falling to sleep.

Part 2

Tuesday, May 19, 2015


"I hate you."

A random guy suddenly messaged me in Hornet.

"What did I do?"

I asked him.

"You're ignoring me."

"I wasn't trying to ignore you." I replied.

"Then why didn't you message me?" He asked.



"Well, now we're talking." I said.

"Yeah. I guess."

"So what are we going to talk about?" I asked.

"I have just been from a breakup." He told me.

"I am sorry to know that. If you want to talk more about it, I'm here." I empathically said.

"Let's talk in person. Now." He insisted.

I was surprised.

"Why?" I blurted.

"I need someone to talk to."

"But I have work later. And I had just come home from work. Please understand."

"No." He answered.

Part 1

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Final Words

Dear B,

I still have not figured out how to write the perfect letter for you. I could start by saying 'sorry' or 'thank you', either of the two seems appropriate. But as our emotions finally distanced, mine especially, I am finding it more and more difficult to even start composing anything meaningful for you. It is true and to the best of my intentions, I wanted to get back with you. The month of March really made it hard for some reason. The idle moments aggravated it. Weekends were hell. Heck, I had a struggle with last month too but it has somehow abated. I took a three-day off to think things through. Everyone thought I was going out of town but I was just at home.

And found my worth, again. I think I had enough.

Perhaps you have moved on earlier than I did and that is okay. That is great. And I should be happy for you. I have to be. Exes have to be happy for their ex-partners. That is the rule, the law that governs the past relationships.

In breakups, it is almost always a race to find happiness and recovery earlier.

What is the point of this writing, B?

To tell you that I am okay. And that we will be okay - in time.

And if we see each other crossing paths again for some random reason, I will give you a thumbs up and smile from afar. No drama. No scandal. No teary eyes.

Because B, you will always have a place in my heart.

"And in this loveless world it may be that it's wiser to dream than to awake." - Dr. Hawkins, The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie