Sunday, April 12, 2015


They say time heals wounds. I believe that. I am getting better now. The last few weeks had been pure torture and rumination.

I tried reaching out to you though, really did my best, tried to sort things out and hold our moments together. But you shunned me away. Replied apathetic messages.

Okay, I deserve that.

But I think I deserve more too.

I'm disappointed in me for not treating you better.

I'm disappointed in you for not thinking better.

But everything is okay now.

You have your own life and I have mine.

The icing on the cake? You have social apps again.

And that's when I realized we're better off.

So if you see me there, you can swipe to the left.

Because I already did.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Tip Of The Iceberg

Nothing seems to work anymore.

Nothing seems to be going right anymore.

My year started not so good with our breakup then I thought it would get better, I was optimistic. But nowadays it has turned for the worst.

Inside the public jeep while on the way to work I was listening to Selena Gomez's song "The Heart Wants What It Wants".

It got me. Really bad.

If this is a delayed reaction post-breakup heartache then I don't want to experience this any longer.

The hole you left in my heart is as wide as I couldn't have imagined. The heart bleeds everyday, dripping as if it could go on forever.

But it couldn't.

There's no forever.

No 'you', no 'me', no 'us'. Not anymore.

Our memories, mostly your memories, I keep in my mind and my heart.

Hopefully I'd be able to push them back as wonderful memories just waiting to be experienced again. With you. With someone. With anyone.

Memories that I'll come to cherish, not now, but in its perfect time.

Till then...thank you for letting me love you.

"This is a modern fairy tale.
No happy endings.
No wind in our sail.
But I can't imagine life without you." -Selena Gomez

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Pretty Hurts

I have always considered myself a simple type of guy when it comes to looking for a partner. I don't really care what he looks like as long as he is presentable to people. But that is really where the irony of life begins...we all have our ideal boyfriends: from the tall to the buff, from the fair-skinned to lean, from the goal-driven corporate executive to the very independent individual.

While I was realizing that, "Well, hey I'm not that simple after all" moment, I also realized how my standards just changed from the simple to the totally ridiculous. And somehow it made me more confused than ever.

Walking through the years as a gay man with different partners made me see the spectrum and the timeline of what I want an individual to be my partner: one moment I want him to be like this, the next second I want someone to be like this. It's insane.

When I was younger, things were simpler: chat with someone, meet, perhaps hook-up, and then make him your partner. That was the yesteryear. Now it's all different. Everyone seems to have upped their ante. And I mean everyone, gays and straights alike.

They say what we look for in a partner, the ones we lack. And somehow, and just recently, I believe that is a fact.

And so while Grindr was 'all fun and games until someone gets emotionally attached', I have deleted the application yet again. I figured my standards in looking for a partner were all just piling up like trash, and pretty soon, no one will ever meet the criteria.

So I ask you, are you happy with yourself and your self-imposed standards?

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Single And Ready To Mingle

Bring out the Tanduay Ice and save me a place on the ledge boys because G is back with a vengeance.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Cloud Storage

One week and three days. That's how long we have broken up.

I still think of you from time to time. But not like last week. I did cry a little, but not as much as I lost Chloe, my pet cat.

Ate asked me over the weekend if you're coming over. She told me she feels different with you not around over the weekend, especially Sundays. I do too.

I smiled at her and told a white lie. I told her you were busy with work.

Oh yeah, congrats on being promoted too. I know you deserve the promotion.

You were never my world. I told you that beforehand. You were part of it, yes, a large part of it, but never my world.

My sadness has ebbed for now. Our memories I hold dear. Our trips, our dinner dates, our lunch-outs - all stored within a small part of my memory. They can never be replaced thanks to you.

And as I browsed through photos of our pictures together: in Cebu, in Ilocos, in Serenitea, I think we had a great time. And we did our best to make it work.

So our photos will be stored in Google Drive where I can look at them from time to time and think of you from time to time. And hope that you think of me from time to time as well.

"There are no good or bad breakups. Just breakups."