Wednesday, February 3, 2016

33,000 Feet Above Ground

Right Wing
"This is it," I gave a deep sigh and placed my arm over the window while I leaned.

"No turning back."

As the plane blasted into midair all I could think of was what future awaits me to a new place.

I have waited for an opportunity like this for years and now that it finally was given to me, I felt scared.

Yes, scared was the word.

But more like scared and excited simultaneously.

I couldn't think of other things while on flight aside from finding a house to stay as well as what appliances I would have to purchase once I get there.

Everything from scratch.

Clothes, shoes, extra bags, towels, blankets, a few toiletries and accessories. These are all the things I brought with me.

A few emotional baggage as well.

And I didn't incur any excess baggage.

I kid.

Part 1

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Of Goals And Plans


The year is 2016. The month is January. The day is 19th.

I received an organizer from a colleague. That's the one on the farthest right, the green one. I scanned the pages and held it tightly on my hand.

"Another year, another organizer." I murmured to myself while thanking her.

"What did I do to my past organizers? Was I able to fully utilize them?" I added.

I think, for the most part, I was able to use them well.

I was primarily using them to put my workout routine for the day. An example would be Monday Chest Day where I place what exercises I would do for that particular day. Tuesday Back Day also consists of different routines for my back workout. It helped me a lot check what exercises need better form or which exercise need an increase in weights.

Diary. There I said it. I use my organizer as my diary. Blogging helps and I cannot thank this spot enough for so many times it has helped me through hard times, but writing helps too. The moment I do not feel good about myself or something amazing happened, I will write it down my organizer. It can be simple or even petty, but for me it is significant: like trips with the ex-partner. Life-changing in its own way.

Account ledger. Recently I got into this habit of placing all my daily expenses in my organizer too. With the purchase of a house and lot; a variable insurance; a trust fund; and soon a place in the stock market; I have to keep everything in check. Even a peso can make or break a well-budgeted salary. It helps too that I'm able to track every peso spent. I know people who always say that money flies out of their pockets and I do understand them because I have been in their place. It sucks because you don't know where your money goes and for some reason you tally your compensation and expenses but it does not match. At all. So now becoming a more responsible citizen, I have taken the initiative to do this. It may be arduous but it is worth it.

Long-term Goals. Although I know what my long-term goals are, I still write them down yearly. These are still the same ones I have planned for quite some time. I have not achieved all of them yet and even if I do, I would definitely add more. That's how life is, you reach a goal and you set another goal. Makes perfect sense.

Short- term Goals. Like long-term goals, short-term goals are also planted in my organizer. But of course short-term goals are met, for the most part. It may not be an annual achievement but I see to it that most of these goals are met.

I plan to write more with the organizer but I'm still thinking what other things I could write with it.

Until then, these will have to do.

Friday, January 15, 2016


Wala nang iaasa mula sa iyo,
Dahil matagal na'y hindi tayo,
Ako'y lumuha, nasawi, lumagapak muli,
Ngunit hinding-hindi nagsisisi.

Alam kong darating ang nararapat na oras,
Nang makawala na sa pagkakaposas,
Magkikita tayo, panigurado iyon.
Hindi pa lamang nga siguro ngayon.

Muli, salamat aking dating iniirog,
Masaya ako na sa iyo ako nahulog,
Sa susunod na pagkakataon lamang sana,
Ibigay ka na sa akin habambuhay ng tadhana.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Gift Giving

"Merry Christmas!" We greeted our lola and aunt and everyone else at my uncle's home in Pampanga.

This was one of the few times I have joined them for Christmas ever since I worked for a Clinical BPO because usually I can't join them. I'd rather sleep after shift on Christmas Day.

It was a joyous event. Everyone's spirits were high and positive. It couldn't be better.

I think it had always been like this for us. Christmas will always be marked with a fuzzy feeling of warmth and comfort, and also a sense of peace.

As a kid, I had always enjoyed Christmas. I mean who wouldn't?

Aside from seeing your cousins and having a great time with them, you'd also collect, um, I mean, receive gifts of all sorts from your aunts and uncles.




Remote-controlled car.


That special moment where you space out and unwrap your gift or open that Ang Pow. There's magic there. You're so engrossed that you forget you're celebrating something far more special than your gifts.

But of course, as a tito now, that tradition has died down...

I barely receive gifts from aunts and uncles anymore. I don't mind it. That's the reality of growing up. That tradition of gift-giving has been passed down to the next generation. Me and my cousins had done it before. It's now time for the younger ones to experience that feeling of opening up a present.

I like it.

When I see them opening up my gifts for them, seeing them light up their faces, smiling from ear to ear - it still gives me that warm feeling all over.

Kind of the ones I used to experience when I was a kid.

That feeling of pure and simple happiness.

So yeah, I may not be a kid anymore, but this tito will still hold that tradition of giving gifts to nieces and nephews.

That is, until they're already working.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Gust of Thought

I haven't moved on.

And right now I don't think I have moved on. Surely it's a pessimistic notion to say that. But I say it with veracity. I still love my ex.

And even though he had already moved on and perhaps seeing someone already, it's okay. I have to be happy for him.

Remember that old saying, "If he's happy, so should you be for him?"

So I have to. Because he is now happy. I think.

Distraction, as people say, is the best thing to do when dealing with a break-up. I did distract myself. I immersed myself with good people and shared laughs with new-found acquaintances, opened Grindr to meet new people, dated a few, read books, reflected daily on my daily achievements and worked out almost daily.

It didn't help.

The human mind can be so fickle. More so the human heart.

And I hate it. I hate it that I dread weekends. I hate it that I dread idle time. I hate it that I dread going to places or even seeing places we have been together, even if we just passed through that place.

There will never be anyone like him. He told me that. I believed him. He truly was.

And someday I hope I can find someone like him...

If I can reach someday, though.

“In that moment I understood that the cruelest words in the universe are if only.” - Peony, Peony In Love by Lisa See