Friday, May 22, 2015

Marco

"I can't."

"Yes you can."


"No I can't, Marco."


"Please?"


"Really. As much as I want to. I still have work."


I tried thinking of a bargain.


"How about tomorrow? Friday?"


"I can't, G. Tomorrow I have work."


"Then let's schedule that by Saturday?"


"Fine."


"So be it."


He finally agreed.


"By the way, what's your name?"


"Marco. Yours?"


"G."


"That's a nice name Marco." I added.


"Thanks."


"You have a nice body too."


"Thank you G. You too. But I really have not worked out for months now."


"Really? Man, I wish I could do that and not worry."


"I actually want to get fatter."


*Silence


"Seriously?" I felt he seemed ridiculous.


"Seriously."


'Haha."


"Why?"


"Because you're really boastful!"


"I'm not. ;)"


"You are."


"No, I'm not G."


"By the way, where do you work?"


"I work as a part-time teacher in Alabang. How about you?"


"I work as a Health Coach in Taguig."


"That's nice."


"Thanks. Your work is nice too!" I told him.


"Yeah. I believe that children really are the future."


"I believe so too. :) So...do you want to talk about your breakup?"


"Nah. I believe we'll leave that for Saturday."


"Alright. Looking forward."


And with that I flipped my phone and tried falling to sleep.







Part 2

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Marco

"I hate you."

A random guy suddenly messaged me in Hornet.

"What did I do?"

I asked him.

"You're ignoring me."

"I wasn't trying to ignore you." I replied.

"Then why didn't you message me?" He asked.

*Silence

"Well?"

"Well, now we're talking." I said.

"Yeah. I guess."

"So what are we going to talk about?" I asked.

"I have just been from a breakup." He told me.

"I am sorry to know that. If you want to talk more about it, I'm here." I empathically said.

"Let's talk in person. Now." He insisted.

I was surprised.

"Why?" I blurted.

"I need someone to talk to."

"But I have work later. And I had just come home from work. Please understand."

"No." He answered.





Part 1

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Final Words

Dear B,

I still have not figured out how to write the perfect letter for you. I could start by saying 'sorry' or 'thank you', either of the two seems appropriate. But as our emotions finally distanced, mine especially, I am finding it more and more difficult to even start composing anything meaningful for you. It is true and to the best of my intentions, I wanted to get back with you. The month of March really made it hard for some reason. The idle moments aggravated it. Weekends were hell. Heck, I had a struggle with last month too but it has somehow abated. I took a three-day off to think things through. Everyone thought I was going out of town but I was just at home.

And found my worth, again. I think I had enough.

Perhaps you have moved on earlier than I did and that is okay. That is great. And I should be happy for you. I have to be. Exes have to be happy for their ex-partners. That is the rule, the law that governs the past relationships.

In breakups, it is almost always a race to find happiness and recovery earlier.

What is the point of this writing, B?

To tell you that I am okay. And that we will be okay - in time.

And if we see each other crossing paths again for some random reason, I will give you a thumbs up and smile from afar. No drama. No scandal. No teary eyes.

Because B, you will always have a place in my heart.





"And in this loveless world it may be that it's wiser to dream than to awake." - Dr. Hawkins, The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Time

They say time heals wounds. I believe that. I am getting better now. The last few weeks had been pure torture and rumination.

I tried reaching out to you though, really did my best, tried to sort things out and hold our moments together. But you shunned me away. Replied apathetic messages.

Okay, I deserve that.

But I think I deserve more too.

I'm disappointed in me for not treating you better.

I'm disappointed in you for not thinking better.

But everything is okay now.

You have your own life and I have mine.

The icing on the cake? You have social apps again.

And that's when I realized we're better off.

So if you see me there, you can swipe to the left.

Because I already did.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Tip Of The Iceberg

Nothing seems to work anymore.

Nothing seems to be going right anymore.

My year started not so good with our breakup then I thought it would get better, I was optimistic. But nowadays it has turned for the worst.

Inside the public jeep while on the way to work I was listening to Selena Gomez's song "The Heart Wants What It Wants".

It got me. Really bad.

If this is a delayed reaction post-breakup heartache then I don't want to experience this any longer.

The hole you left in my heart is as wide as I couldn't have imagined. The heart bleeds everyday, dripping as if it could go on forever.

But it couldn't.

There's no forever.

No 'you', no 'me', no 'us'. Not anymore.

Our memories, mostly your memories, I keep in my mind and my heart.

Hopefully I'd be able to push them back as wonderful memories just waiting to be experienced again. With you. With someone. With anyone.

Memories that I'll come to cherish, not now, but in its perfect time.

Till then...thank you for letting me love you.



"This is a modern fairy tale.
No happy endings.
No wind in our sail.
But I can't imagine life without you." -Selena Gomez