Of Impermanence

 My dog suddenly died.

I had just woken up from my sleep after working midshift yesterday.

My hand was shaking upon seeing my sisters' messages.

In disbelief.

In confusion.

In bewilderment.

Para akong matatae, masusuka, maiihi.

Alam ko na itong pakiramdam na ito. I experienced the same symptoms when my aunt died last 2021.

I closed my eyes and tried my best to meditate - to put my mind at ease.

But it was of no use.

My emotions were surging from the darkest crevices of my heart.

Tears slowly ran along my cheeks.

I shut my phone and stayed still on my bed. Trying my best to control these enormous waves of emotions...

Anicca refers to Buddhist teaching about Impermanence.

And Grief is a natural emotion that is to be understood and fully experienced.

Pero, bakit?

I was so confused.

Bakit si Pepper?

My princess.

My life.

One of my reasons why I went abroad - to give her the best chance in life.

I clutched my chest so hard it hurt.

I laid still on my bed.

Hindi ako makagalaw.

Umiiyak pero hindi makasigaw.

Paano na?

For a moment, I felt no purpose in life.

"Bakit pa ako andito?"

Kinausap ko sarili ko.

Pinikit ko muli ang mga mata ko. Nanampalataya.

Humingi ng lakas para mairaos itong nakapanlulumong pakiramdam kong ito.

I clasped my hands so hard and prayed and meditated.

Grief is an individual and intimate process. It has no timeline. But it cannot be bypassed nor avoided.

And then I understood why she left us early...

To give more purpose into my life - to finally forego the Animal Sanctuary that I have been planning to establish.

To tell me that I also have other pets to take the best care of.

To realize that she is waiting for me at the other end of the rainbow soon.

Pepper, baby, salamat.

Maraming salamat dahil naging parte ka ng buhay namin.

Maraming salamat dahil bnigyan mo ng kulay ang buhay namin kahit away-bati tayo at andami mo na akong beses kinagat.

Pakamusta sa ibang pets namin diyan sa kabilang dulo ng bahaghari.

Mahal na mahal ka namin.

Mahal na mahal na mahal kita.

Magkikita tayo sa tamang panahon.