It has been nearly three months since I went to Bed Bar. The nostalgic house music, the cramped and compressed bodies of sweating men, the anonymous people you meet inside, it was chaotic alright but simultaneously, I find enjoyment and relaxation. I know it's weird but the fact that I get to dance my heart out without anyone criticizing me for my epileptic dance moves gives me a lot of sense of freedom and independence from a world of judgment and prejudices.
I don't go to Bed for the people, I go there for the music. I love house and techno music, I truly appreciate them for whatever reason. The beat and the rhythm is so ecstatic and euphoric in an expressive way.
I used to go to bars alone for the sake of dancing the night away: isolated from the group, isolated from the crowd, isolated from the general pink population. I always had this sense of loner in me ever since I was a kid.
I was one wallflower, an outcast, a lone wolf, a patient in solitary confinement, I considered myself someone who could live with no one but myself, to depend only on no one but me. It's not bad at all, it provided me the courage to do what I need to do without asking help from others, it gave me a sense of direction, an assurance from my inner conscience that I'm gonna make it alive through ordeals.
Things change, people change, personalities change, perspectives change, opinions change.
Although reasons differ, we have to embrace it wholly.
I'm going to Bed tonight, I might be all alone.
Will you join me to Bed?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Damn...
Of sleepless nights and dreamless days
Of cloudless skies and sun rays ablaze
Of meaningless ties and tumultuous waves.
Of gnawing pain and striking aches
Of keeping sane and tissues in waste
Of waiting in vain and futile haste.
Of pseudo-relationships and it's sickening twists
Of loneliness creeps and its bashful fists
Of heart that chips and parting kiss.
Of love gone wrong and tried its best
Of affection got strong but was not the rest
Of coping along but still feels like a test.
Of seeing you with some other guy
Of meeting him and a smiling try
Of excusing myself with a faint cry.
Of ending a path that was believed real
Of trying again and let the wound heal
Of keeping faith and a self deal.
Emo Mode!!! Woohoo!!!
Of cloudless skies and sun rays ablaze
Of meaningless ties and tumultuous waves.
Of gnawing pain and striking aches
Of keeping sane and tissues in waste
Of waiting in vain and futile haste.
Of pseudo-relationships and it's sickening twists
Of loneliness creeps and its bashful fists
Of heart that chips and parting kiss.
Of love gone wrong and tried its best
Of affection got strong but was not the rest
Of coping along but still feels like a test.
Of seeing you with some other guy
Of meeting him and a smiling try
Of excusing myself with a faint cry.
Of ending a path that was believed real
Of trying again and let the wound heal
Of keeping faith and a self deal.
Emo Mode!!! Woohoo!!!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Finito.
fi·nito (fē nē′tō)
-adjective
- finished; over; at an end
- taken from Webster's Dictionary
Everything has an end: a good book, an inspiring movie, an aspiring short story, a melodramatic essay, an epical poem, a spontaneous love letter, an unexpected encounter, a blossoming friendship, a hasty courtship, an unsteady situation, an unready romance, an uber sweet movie date, a hanging farewell, a last goodbye.
Thank You Flick. It was nice meeting you.
Till the day that I shall remember you when I'm eating turon...
-adjective
- finished; over; at an end
- taken from Webster's Dictionary
Everything has an end: a good book, an inspiring movie, an aspiring short story, a melodramatic essay, an epical poem, a spontaneous love letter, an unexpected encounter, a blossoming friendship, a hasty courtship, an unsteady situation, an unready romance, an uber sweet movie date, a hanging farewell, a last goodbye.
Thank You Flick. It was nice meeting you.
Till the day that I shall remember you when I'm eating turon...
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
How Was It?
Was it excruciatingly painful?
Was it marvelously pleasurable?
Was it special?
Was it scary?
Was it intimidating?
Was it awkward?
Was it what you had hoped for? Dreamed of? Thought about?
Was it Bad like a hang-over and waking up on an unknown woman's bed?
Was it something you wished for? Something you would have imagined?
Was it tempting?
Was it promising?
Was it perfect?
Was it disastrous?
Was it victorious?
Was it a big loss?
Was it truly genuine?
Was it a big fake?
Was it traumatic?
Was it a huge gain?
Was it questionable?
Was it reality?
Was it imaginary?
Was it your first time?
Was it understandable?
Was it ponderous?
Was it frustrating?
Was it utterly disappointing?
Was it lively?
Was it dull?
Was it an enormous leap for you?
Was it just a minor baby step?
Was it something that made you feel happy? Sad? Guilty?
Was it something you were looking forward to?
Was it something you know must be done?
Was it relieving?
Was it draining?
Was it stressful?
Was it overly positive?
Was it worth it?
How was it Coming Out?
Was it marvelously pleasurable?
Was it special?
Was it scary?
Was it intimidating?
Was it awkward?
Was it what you had hoped for? Dreamed of? Thought about?
Was it Bad like a hang-over and waking up on an unknown woman's bed?
Was it something you wished for? Something you would have imagined?
Was it tempting?
Was it promising?
Was it perfect?
Was it disastrous?
Was it victorious?
Was it a big loss?
Was it truly genuine?
Was it a big fake?
Was it traumatic?
Was it a huge gain?
Was it questionable?
Was it reality?
Was it imaginary?
Was it your first time?
Was it understandable?
Was it ponderous?
Was it frustrating?
Was it utterly disappointing?
Was it lively?
Was it dull?
Was it an enormous leap for you?
Was it just a minor baby step?
Was it something that made you feel happy? Sad? Guilty?
Was it something you were looking forward to?
Was it something you know must be done?
Was it relieving?
Was it draining?
Was it stressful?
Was it overly positive?
Was it worth it?
How was it Coming Out?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Wandering Wonderer
Today I woke up real early, I already had a mind set that this will be a grueling day for me because:
1) I have to renew my NBI clearance but I know I won't be the first in line, think Starstruck and PBB auditioning.
2) I have to drop by DSWD in Legarda to pass my last requirement which is a photocopy of the said document.
3) Drop by PRC to file an affidavit of loss and pay for a duplicate of my lost/ stolen/ pick-pocketed PRC license (I thought the person has a crush on me, apparently the person has a crush on my wallet).
4) Head to the gym after a good nap because I haven't been there for nearly 3 days.
There, quite busy and quite problematic because I Hate Hate Hate falling in line. One of my pet peeves when it comes to obtaining documents, paperworks and the like are the long, long, long lines here in the country. It's so grueling and the lines are most of the time intertwined PLUS there are those who like to sneak in every now and then and making the line longer which makes me more frustrated which takes me more time to file for something!!! ROAR!
Anyway, back to the start of my journey...
I woke up about 5:30am just to make sure I can ride an FX I got up at about that time and was able to leave the house before 6:30. Great! I know I'm right on schedule.
I wasn't so lucky in riding because I had to walk farther from the subdivision I am residing, there are a lot of people also waiting for the same route I had to go to.
As soon as I rode the FX, I turned on my Ipod and I was transported to my own world of music, musings and memories. I miss Bed Bar...
I got off the FX about nearly 8:00am at the Manila City Hall then hailed a jeepney towards Quiapo where the NBI office is located...or so I thought...
Being the observant that I am (hint, hint, I forgot where it is located), I went around Carriedo area to look for that darn building, I know it's near somewhere but I forgot what was the landmark though.
I ended up going near Sta.Cruz area already. How'd I know? A lot of dimsum and dumplings people are walking. Hehe! And no cute Chinese guy at all. Sigh...
I walked back and had a major reminiscing, the NBI building is near SM Carriedo! Damn! I already went through that area but I wasn't really paying attention.
I was more interested in the people who were walking. Seriously, I was amazed by the people in Carriedo/Quiapo. I was thinking what they are: what they do for a living, what house they go home to, what lifestyle they're taking, what do they think of their current situation, what poverty means to them. Amidst the different crowd I'm seeing most of the time in Greenbelt, Alabang Town Center, and Rockwell where high end, opulence and eccentric are everyday normal vocabularies, it's a breath of fresh air to see the other side of the world, it makes you better in terms of how you are as a person and how you want to be treated by society.
Not that I'm judging them from the way they dress and how they look and what business they do. Hey I'm in there, my family is just a little above poverty line.
So after asking a fruit vendor and a security guard, they told me that it moved to Caloocan, particularly Monumento. What?! Monumento! Which is at the other end of this area. Apparently, the office already moved, not that I have any choice, I have to get this done and I have to do it today.
Off I marched to Carriedo station, bought my LRT ticket and waited to alight a northbound train. To cut the story short, I was able to renew the clearance in no time and head to Legarda which a DSWD branch is located. As I alighted the train in Doroteo Jose I thought about how I could go towards DSWD but since I'm a thrift freak and a frugal weirdo I decided to walk from Recto to Legarda, which is a long strip but with the Ipod in full blast, I don't mind if I walk from Luneta to Baclaran.
As I was walking, I observed a lot of students coming from different Universities and Colleges, what amuses me is how I wish I could go back to my College life and just have fun. Back then I was so uptight and stressed that I forgot the meaning of fun and leisure. I was a worry wart, so much that I couldn't concentrate long enough to have a good study habit or at the very least, study well. Funny how philosophical I am back then that everything for me seems too much of an idealism stemming from my innermost imagination, that reality and fantasy are so interconnecting, I was daydreaming of the future too much I was almost sure that my sanity got the worst of me.
Finally! I was able to reach my destination: DSWD. I handed the last requirement and merrily headed to PRC for my last itinerary in Manila for the day.
Taking my last long walk towards PRC was making me quite worried because I know how lines go in PRC, they are long and the employees there aren't exactly angels in office attires. But lo and behold, the process of requesting a duplicate copy of my PRC license is fairly easy plus, I already obtained my board certificate which I have been following up for the last five times, FIVE FREAKING TIMES I have gone back and forth just to obtain a document which was supposedly delivered at our home already by last year's time. Haha! I'm not mad, just saying.
The moment I received my receipt from the cashier I let out a deep sigh and rushed out the building, out the office, out the PRC area and into the street of Manila. That was a great relief, my mom won't bother me anymore about the Board Certificate and my lost PRC license, I just need to claim the duplicate by February, I think. Crossed to the other side and hailed a jeepney towards SM Manila/ Lawton, alighted the jeepney only to ride an FX this time going home, turned my Ipod to full blast with club songs as my theme for the moment and off I drifted...
It was a great day after all, I got a lot of thoughts going in my mind, I was able to finish my tasks for the day and I was able to have a great workout at the gym. But...
I'm so badly missing Bed still. Anyone?
1) I have to renew my NBI clearance but I know I won't be the first in line, think Starstruck and PBB auditioning.
2) I have to drop by DSWD in Legarda to pass my last requirement which is a photocopy of the said document.
3) Drop by PRC to file an affidavit of loss and pay for a duplicate of my lost/ stolen/ pick-pocketed PRC license (I thought the person has a crush on me, apparently the person has a crush on my wallet).
4) Head to the gym after a good nap because I haven't been there for nearly 3 days.
There, quite busy and quite problematic because I Hate Hate Hate falling in line. One of my pet peeves when it comes to obtaining documents, paperworks and the like are the long, long, long lines here in the country. It's so grueling and the lines are most of the time intertwined PLUS there are those who like to sneak in every now and then and making the line longer which makes me more frustrated which takes me more time to file for something!!! ROAR!
Anyway, back to the start of my journey...
I woke up about 5:30am just to make sure I can ride an FX I got up at about that time and was able to leave the house before 6:30. Great! I know I'm right on schedule.
I wasn't so lucky in riding because I had to walk farther from the subdivision I am residing, there are a lot of people also waiting for the same route I had to go to.
As soon as I rode the FX, I turned on my Ipod and I was transported to my own world of music, musings and memories. I miss Bed Bar...
I got off the FX about nearly 8:00am at the Manila City Hall then hailed a jeepney towards Quiapo where the NBI office is located...or so I thought...
Being the observant that I am (hint, hint, I forgot where it is located), I went around Carriedo area to look for that darn building, I know it's near somewhere but I forgot what was the landmark though.
I ended up going near Sta.Cruz area already. How'd I know? A lot of dimsum and dumplings people are walking. Hehe! And no cute Chinese guy at all. Sigh...
I walked back and had a major reminiscing, the NBI building is near SM Carriedo! Damn! I already went through that area but I wasn't really paying attention.
I was more interested in the people who were walking. Seriously, I was amazed by the people in Carriedo/Quiapo. I was thinking what they are: what they do for a living, what house they go home to, what lifestyle they're taking, what do they think of their current situation, what poverty means to them. Amidst the different crowd I'm seeing most of the time in Greenbelt, Alabang Town Center, and Rockwell where high end, opulence and eccentric are everyday normal vocabularies, it's a breath of fresh air to see the other side of the world, it makes you better in terms of how you are as a person and how you want to be treated by society.
Not that I'm judging them from the way they dress and how they look and what business they do. Hey I'm in there, my family is just a little above poverty line.
So after asking a fruit vendor and a security guard, they told me that it moved to Caloocan, particularly Monumento. What?! Monumento! Which is at the other end of this area. Apparently, the office already moved, not that I have any choice, I have to get this done and I have to do it today.
Off I marched to Carriedo station, bought my LRT ticket and waited to alight a northbound train. To cut the story short, I was able to renew the clearance in no time and head to Legarda which a DSWD branch is located. As I alighted the train in Doroteo Jose I thought about how I could go towards DSWD but since I'm a thrift freak and a frugal weirdo I decided to walk from Recto to Legarda, which is a long strip but with the Ipod in full blast, I don't mind if I walk from Luneta to Baclaran.
As I was walking, I observed a lot of students coming from different Universities and Colleges, what amuses me is how I wish I could go back to my College life and just have fun. Back then I was so uptight and stressed that I forgot the meaning of fun and leisure. I was a worry wart, so much that I couldn't concentrate long enough to have a good study habit or at the very least, study well. Funny how philosophical I am back then that everything for me seems too much of an idealism stemming from my innermost imagination, that reality and fantasy are so interconnecting, I was daydreaming of the future too much I was almost sure that my sanity got the worst of me.
Finally! I was able to reach my destination: DSWD. I handed the last requirement and merrily headed to PRC for my last itinerary in Manila for the day.
Taking my last long walk towards PRC was making me quite worried because I know how lines go in PRC, they are long and the employees there aren't exactly angels in office attires. But lo and behold, the process of requesting a duplicate copy of my PRC license is fairly easy plus, I already obtained my board certificate which I have been following up for the last five times, FIVE FREAKING TIMES I have gone back and forth just to obtain a document which was supposedly delivered at our home already by last year's time. Haha! I'm not mad, just saying.
The moment I received my receipt from the cashier I let out a deep sigh and rushed out the building, out the office, out the PRC area and into the street of Manila. That was a great relief, my mom won't bother me anymore about the Board Certificate and my lost PRC license, I just need to claim the duplicate by February, I think. Crossed to the other side and hailed a jeepney towards SM Manila/ Lawton, alighted the jeepney only to ride an FX this time going home, turned my Ipod to full blast with club songs as my theme for the moment and off I drifted...
It was a great day after all, I got a lot of thoughts going in my mind, I was able to finish my tasks for the day and I was able to have a great workout at the gym. But...
I'm so badly missing Bed still. Anyone?
Relegation...
After two weeks of nearly endless texting and getting to know each other and two dates...
After trying my best to get to know him...
After trying his best to get to know me...
After trying to connect with him...
After trying to connect with me...
After trying to just be myself for him to see the real me...
After seeing him be genuinely true as a person...
After the laughter we shared...
After the glimpses we had...
After the things I've told him...
After the things he told me...
After all the efforts I gave to him...
After everything that he has done for me...
After telling him that I'm not looking for a commitment now...
After he asked me the reason why...
After I pondered that question and provided him the answer...
After he got disappointed with my answer...
I'm being relegated to a mere textmate.
Oh well Flick...
That's life. :)
After trying my best to get to know him...
After trying his best to get to know me...
After trying to connect with him...
After trying to connect with me...
After trying to just be myself for him to see the real me...
After seeing him be genuinely true as a person...
After the laughter we shared...
After the glimpses we had...
After the things I've told him...
After the things he told me...
After all the efforts I gave to him...
After everything that he has done for me...
After telling him that I'm not looking for a commitment now...
After he asked me the reason why...
After I pondered that question and provided him the answer...
After he got disappointed with my answer...
I'm being relegated to a mere textmate.
Oh well Flick...
That's life. :)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The Story of the Soju Soldiers
Lancaster Suites, 23:00, Manila time.
The party has just officially started even though the first person came in 10 minutes before 20:00! Talk about being an early bird gets the rooster motto!
I came in LATE as usual! A trademark of me ever since they started throwing parties with me getting invited. I can't seem to be there on time. I guess my being fashionably late is always a good thing?! One that makes me, me. Haha! OK just kidding, I try my very best to be there on time but things always gets in the way.
Excuses, excuses... Fine, I'm a Master Alibi maker, sort of starting as a Jedi apprentice under Yoda's mentorship.
Unusually, people are not coming in and out of the suite like most of the parties I have attended. This is a good thing, more people more gay men, more fun!
People literally had a great time and stayed all through the night.
And it's all thanks to Soju, the Korean sake which was introduced to us at another party last December 29, 2009. Introduced to us by a very effervescent person.
Ah, yes, the Soju is the culprit for drawing happy faces to almost everyone's faces: the moment you engulf the light-bodied and smooth taste of this alcohol, it will take you to Alcohol Land. Just be careful because it is devilish in its own right.
The Soju was overflowing, J, who was the sponsor made sure that there is enough (or even more) for everyone to indulge in this sinful vice. Personally, I am not a fan of alcohol and liquor but everytime a person approaches me with a shot glass and the bottle of Soju being poured, I gladly obliged.
At first, people were merrily gulping, not aware of its prohibited side effects which will take place later during the party, but, as it progressed, some got so drunk that anyone will kiss anyone. A funny and interesting observation I have made although I have yet to research further if it's the nature of the person or the nature of the Soju or both.
Lip smacks, tongue protrusions, torrid kisses, french kisses, friendly kisses, everything that has got to do with using your tongue as an external stimulator is present and very well displayed. I have to admit I was not drunk because I only drank a small portion plus I don't ever want to get drunk for the fact that I don't want to puke up and the headache that I experienced during a hangover was unbearable. But, I was an initiator of getting hot kisses.
Come on! It's a gay party after all! There are bound to be some flirtations and dares to go with it! Hey, I am a very game and hands on person when it comes to those things. And I don't have anything to lose anyway. Singular. :)
We have signed up for a contract with the Korean sake, bounded by the contract that was made, we were respectfully doing our duties as an abiding follower, a disciple, a member.
We have signed up on something foreseen but denies acknowledgment of what will happen, something that we will have to depend to spontaneous events and motives.
We have signed up to a deadly deal with uncharted waters and unfathomable consequences, with tireless partying and voyeurism, with new beginnings and somewhat slightly, maybe, hopefully, optimistically, finally happy endings.
The Soju Soldiers are still at your mercy. A lot of casualties were hurt, beaten to a pulp not to mention bruised till bled but the pain is just oh so much worth it.
The survivors went home the next day, gleefully hanging by each others' arms and shoulders for yet another week of triumph.
The party has just officially started even though the first person came in 10 minutes before 20:00! Talk about being an early bird gets the rooster motto!
I came in LATE as usual! A trademark of me ever since they started throwing parties with me getting invited. I can't seem to be there on time. I guess my being fashionably late is always a good thing?! One that makes me, me. Haha! OK just kidding, I try my very best to be there on time but things always gets in the way.
Excuses, excuses... Fine, I'm a Master Alibi maker, sort of starting as a Jedi apprentice under Yoda's mentorship.
Unusually, people are not coming in and out of the suite like most of the parties I have attended. This is a good thing, more people more gay men, more fun!
People literally had a great time and stayed all through the night.
And it's all thanks to Soju, the Korean sake which was introduced to us at another party last December 29, 2009. Introduced to us by a very effervescent person.
Ah, yes, the Soju is the culprit for drawing happy faces to almost everyone's faces: the moment you engulf the light-bodied and smooth taste of this alcohol, it will take you to Alcohol Land. Just be careful because it is devilish in its own right.
The Soju was overflowing, J, who was the sponsor made sure that there is enough (or even more) for everyone to indulge in this sinful vice. Personally, I am not a fan of alcohol and liquor but everytime a person approaches me with a shot glass and the bottle of Soju being poured, I gladly obliged.
At first, people were merrily gulping, not aware of its prohibited side effects which will take place later during the party, but, as it progressed, some got so drunk that anyone will kiss anyone. A funny and interesting observation I have made although I have yet to research further if it's the nature of the person or the nature of the Soju or both.
Lip smacks, tongue protrusions, torrid kisses, french kisses, friendly kisses, everything that has got to do with using your tongue as an external stimulator is present and very well displayed. I have to admit I was not drunk because I only drank a small portion plus I don't ever want to get drunk for the fact that I don't want to puke up and the headache that I experienced during a hangover was unbearable. But, I was an initiator of getting hot kisses.
Come on! It's a gay party after all! There are bound to be some flirtations and dares to go with it! Hey, I am a very game and hands on person when it comes to those things. And I don't have anything to lose anyway. Singular. :)
We have signed up for a contract with the Korean sake, bounded by the contract that was made, we were respectfully doing our duties as an abiding follower, a disciple, a member.
We have signed up on something foreseen but denies acknowledgment of what will happen, something that we will have to depend to spontaneous events and motives.
We have signed up to a deadly deal with uncharted waters and unfathomable consequences, with tireless partying and voyeurism, with new beginnings and somewhat slightly, maybe, hopefully, optimistically, finally happy endings.
The Soju Soldiers are still at your mercy. A lot of casualties were hurt, beaten to a pulp not to mention bruised till bled but the pain is just oh so much worth it.
The survivors went home the next day, gleefully hanging by each others' arms and shoulders for yet another week of triumph.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Connections
The person that connected us together will be leaving later towards the US.
He will be there for quite some time. Roughly for 6 months.
I'm assuring myself that I won't be seeing you within that time frame. Plus the fact that I might be going to Cebu for work.
Yes, we talked last night but it's still awkward.
By the time we meet each other, I will be a better person.
Not bitter anymore.
Haha! I can still remember how you wanted to talk to me, how you wanted to approach and just share your thoughts but it's not the right time, you have your date you might as well hang-out with him.
Six months of not seeing you...
I'll recuperate and be a better person, stop being so emotional. My brain is telling me we had nothing but my heart is insisting that we did have something so in torment, I chose to go with what my brain is telling me.
And maybe, just maybe, by the time we meet each other, I'll have an appreciation for indie films.
Till next time.
He will be there for quite some time. Roughly for 6 months.
I'm assuring myself that I won't be seeing you within that time frame. Plus the fact that I might be going to Cebu for work.
Yes, we talked last night but it's still awkward.
By the time we meet each other, I will be a better person.
Not bitter anymore.
Haha! I can still remember how you wanted to talk to me, how you wanted to approach and just share your thoughts but it's not the right time, you have your date you might as well hang-out with him.
Six months of not seeing you...
I'll recuperate and be a better person, stop being so emotional. My brain is telling me we had nothing but my heart is insisting that we did have something so in torment, I chose to go with what my brain is telling me.
And maybe, just maybe, by the time we meet each other, I'll have an appreciation for indie films.
Till next time.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Top 5 POSITIVE Signs that You Are Gay
Et Voila!
5. You watch same-sex themed indie films in Robinson's Galleria or through DVD's or Download them through Torrent.
4. Reading blogs from Manila Gay Guy, The McVie Show, Gibbs Cadiz, Bakla Ako May Reklamo, Corporate Closet, Mandaya Moore, Call Center Confidential and more gay-oriented blogs is a Must For You to Relate what you're experiencing.
3. Anyone and I mean ANYONE who doesn't know Brent Corrigan, Brent Everett, Falcon Boys, Bel-ami Boys and Cobra Productions will be stoned to death, struck by lightning and be eaten by the ground alive!
2. You go to Malate either every Friday night or Saturday night for some fun in Bed Bar, O Bar or Che'lu (Orosa-Nakpil street Exclusive). Or, if you're in Cebu, Mango Avenue is the best place for hook-ups.
Hello? Booking nights shouldn't be missed.
1. Your fabulous closet consists of collections of Out Magazines, Instinct Magazines, Playgirl Magazines, Ladlad books, and our very own Icon.
And YOU still tell your parents that you're going through a difficult and confusing phase...
5. You watch same-sex themed indie films in Robinson's Galleria or through DVD's or Download them through Torrent.
4. Reading blogs from Manila Gay Guy, The McVie Show, Gibbs Cadiz, Bakla Ako May Reklamo, Corporate Closet, Mandaya Moore, Call Center Confidential and more gay-oriented blogs is a Must For You to Relate what you're experiencing.
3. Anyone and I mean ANYONE who doesn't know Brent Corrigan, Brent Everett, Falcon Boys, Bel-ami Boys and Cobra Productions will be stoned to death, struck by lightning and be eaten by the ground alive!
2. You go to Malate either every Friday night or Saturday night for some fun in Bed Bar, O Bar or Che'lu (Orosa-Nakpil street Exclusive). Or, if you're in Cebu, Mango Avenue is the best place for hook-ups.
Hello? Booking nights shouldn't be missed.
1. Your fabulous closet consists of collections of Out Magazines, Instinct Magazines, Playgirl Magazines, Ladlad books, and our very own Icon.
And YOU still tell your parents that you're going through a difficult and confusing phase...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Children of the Future
I'm an only son from a brood of three.
I'm sandwiched by two girls, the older which is a year ahead of my birth date. And a younger sister which is seven years my junior.
I'm not the only gay in our family.
All three of us are.
Dysfunctional or Unique?
You decide because if I would be asked, it would definitely be dysfunctional.
I'm still trying to grasp the realization that maybe because we didn't have quite a normal childhood, it turned out to be chaotic.
Our family is near shambles and I can still say that it still is.
My mom wants us to be together as a family but we don't like our dad so much that being disgusted by his mere presence is a vague understatement. We understand her for the fact that she can't leave my dad but she can't see that we already are a broken family.
Sure, we still live together, heck, we still live under my dad's roof. But that doesn't change the fact that we're in good terms, well, civilly, my siblings are but not me. I haven't talked to him for more than a year and counting.
Am I feeling bad about the situation?
Nope. Not at all, I've become immune to him.
Does that make me a bad son? Or maybe the worst son?
Well, yeah, but I keep my mouth shut because I don't want to say anything to him that may make things worse that is why I chose to keep mum and silent. Relatives and friends are telling me that he's still my dad and that he deserves some respect and that I owe him my life for bringing me to this world.
Yes, I do understand that and I thank my mom's egg and my dad's sperm. Period.
Am I ever gonna forgive him?
I'm actually not thinking about that one. He already did what he already did. The actions were executed, the words were already extricated, the feelings already alienated. I took enough hurt and pain so I chose to be done with it.
When I turn 35 I promised myself that I want to have kids, a boy and a girl, twins would be better!
Why? Asked an inquisitive friend of mine.
So that I can provide to them the best that I can with whatever they need, not when I was still growing up where we took in a lot of hardships and difficulties that made us stronger, yes, but also made us more stubborn to other people's opinions and feelings.
Why do you need to have kids?
So that I can right the wrong..
Why do you need to have kids in order to right the wrong?
Hmmm...that made me pause for a long time and I really, literally, tried my best to provide a rational and logical answer for my friend. I looked at the whole coffee shop area, looked up to the setting sun and dimming sky, I also looked at all of the corner of my peripheral vision to get some little inspiration to have a valid answer, I closed my eyes to think of reasons, sufficient enough not to bug me with another rhetoric question.
Alas, I wasn't able to provide him one.
It just shows how sporadic I can be and how immature I still am.
I know I have a valid reason other than continuing the lineage of my clan but I'm still figuring that out.
And boy am I having the most difficult time!
I know I wanna have kids, they will be my sense of pride and joy and fulfillment and bliss.
But maybe by 35 my ideas will change.
I'm sandwiched by two girls, the older which is a year ahead of my birth date. And a younger sister which is seven years my junior.
I'm not the only gay in our family.
All three of us are.
Dysfunctional or Unique?
You decide because if I would be asked, it would definitely be dysfunctional.
I'm still trying to grasp the realization that maybe because we didn't have quite a normal childhood, it turned out to be chaotic.
Our family is near shambles and I can still say that it still is.
My mom wants us to be together as a family but we don't like our dad so much that being disgusted by his mere presence is a vague understatement. We understand her for the fact that she can't leave my dad but she can't see that we already are a broken family.
Sure, we still live together, heck, we still live under my dad's roof. But that doesn't change the fact that we're in good terms, well, civilly, my siblings are but not me. I haven't talked to him for more than a year and counting.
Am I feeling bad about the situation?
Nope. Not at all, I've become immune to him.
Does that make me a bad son? Or maybe the worst son?
Well, yeah, but I keep my mouth shut because I don't want to say anything to him that may make things worse that is why I chose to keep mum and silent. Relatives and friends are telling me that he's still my dad and that he deserves some respect and that I owe him my life for bringing me to this world.
Yes, I do understand that and I thank my mom's egg and my dad's sperm. Period.
Am I ever gonna forgive him?
I'm actually not thinking about that one. He already did what he already did. The actions were executed, the words were already extricated, the feelings already alienated. I took enough hurt and pain so I chose to be done with it.
When I turn 35 I promised myself that I want to have kids, a boy and a girl, twins would be better!
Why? Asked an inquisitive friend of mine.
So that I can provide to them the best that I can with whatever they need, not when I was still growing up where we took in a lot of hardships and difficulties that made us stronger, yes, but also made us more stubborn to other people's opinions and feelings.
Why do you need to have kids?
So that I can right the wrong..
Why do you need to have kids in order to right the wrong?
Hmmm...that made me pause for a long time and I really, literally, tried my best to provide a rational and logical answer for my friend. I looked at the whole coffee shop area, looked up to the setting sun and dimming sky, I also looked at all of the corner of my peripheral vision to get some little inspiration to have a valid answer, I closed my eyes to think of reasons, sufficient enough not to bug me with another rhetoric question.
Alas, I wasn't able to provide him one.
It just shows how sporadic I can be and how immature I still am.
I know I have a valid reason other than continuing the lineage of my clan but I'm still figuring that out.
And boy am I having the most difficult time!
I know I wanna have kids, they will be my sense of pride and joy and fulfillment and bliss.
But maybe by 35 my ideas will change.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Top 5 Probable Signs that You Are Gay...
5. You wear Skinny Jeans from Folded and Hung, Solo, Bench, Jag, or Topman.
4. You have slim fit shirts that accentuate your Pectoralis Major, Biceps Brachii or Triceps Brachii or any shirt that makes your shoulder look wider: Granddads, Baseball shirts, and roll-ups, the slimmer, the harder to breathe, the better.
3. You have a pair of White Converse high-cut sneakers in which you pair it with the two from the above list.
2. You purchase messenger bags from Nike, Adidas, Gola, Puma, Fila, Reebok, and Memo.
1. You have beauty and vanity products from the following brands: Bench, Gatsby, Dep, L' Oreal, Kiehl's, L' Occitane, Shu Uemura, Mary Kay, Body Shop, Face Shop, Skin Food, Nichido, Shiseido, Mac, Maybelline, Nivea, and Neutrogena.
And you tell your parents you're a Metrosexual.
Because a man ain't a man without his vanity. :)
4. You have slim fit shirts that accentuate your Pectoralis Major, Biceps Brachii or Triceps Brachii or any shirt that makes your shoulder look wider: Granddads, Baseball shirts, and roll-ups, the slimmer, the harder to breathe, the better.
3. You have a pair of White Converse high-cut sneakers in which you pair it with the two from the above list.
2. You purchase messenger bags from Nike, Adidas, Gola, Puma, Fila, Reebok, and Memo.
1. You have beauty and vanity products from the following brands: Bench, Gatsby, Dep, L' Oreal, Kiehl's, L' Occitane, Shu Uemura, Mary Kay, Body Shop, Face Shop, Skin Food, Nichido, Shiseido, Mac, Maybelline, Nivea, and Neutrogena.
And you tell your parents you're a Metrosexual.
Because a man ain't a man without his vanity. :)
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Period?
Period (.)- a point or character used to mark the declarative sentence
Flick is discreet, he is decent, he is out to some significant people in his life but not to his officemates and not yet, to his family.
I understand that. Really, I do. Because I know how it feels to be someone wanting to come out from a pressurized bottle of complexities, ironies, compromises and complications.
The harshness of the society, the toughness of machismo, the conservativeness of a predominantly Catholic country, the bias of the people, the deception of the modern citizens.
We were conversing the other night through texts, just an hour before I go to sleep, venture to La-la land and dream of the impossibilities of living.
P: Hey, about to sleep in a bit, just had my shower.
Flick: Why didn't you invite me? :)
P: There is a next time Flick, don't worry.
Flick: Hahaha! You're hilarious.
P: Yeah. Hehe. Anyway, I just want to ask does your relatives you're living with know what your sexual preference is?
Flick: No, they don't have an idea.
P: Ah, OK. What's my name in your phonebook?
Flick: (.)
P: A period? What? Why a period?
Flick: Why? Uh, I just don't want them to know.
P: Are your relatives snooping in on your mobile phone?
Flick: No, but even if they do, I don't care.
P: You don't care but you named me as a character?
Flick: Don't get mad! Fine, I'll change it to your name.
P: No, that's OK, no problem with me. I'm just saying.
Flick: Promise, I will change it.
P: If you say so.
Flick: There! I changed it already!
P: Thanks, although you really don't have to. :)
Flick: I had to.
We met at a mall in Manila last Saturday after my Red Cross training in Intramuros.
I checked his phone for his music, pictures, videos and lastly, his contacts and more particularly, my contact name.
He changed it alright, think John Reyes to Joan Reyes. That was my name in his phonebook.
Ironic but hilarious. It amused me the rest of the day.
Flick is discreet, he is decent, he is out to some significant people in his life but not to his officemates and not yet, to his family.
I understand that. Really, I do. Because I know how it feels to be someone wanting to come out from a pressurized bottle of complexities, ironies, compromises and complications.
The harshness of the society, the toughness of machismo, the conservativeness of a predominantly Catholic country, the bias of the people, the deception of the modern citizens.
We were conversing the other night through texts, just an hour before I go to sleep, venture to La-la land and dream of the impossibilities of living.
P: Hey, about to sleep in a bit, just had my shower.
Flick: Why didn't you invite me? :)
P: There is a next time Flick, don't worry.
Flick: Hahaha! You're hilarious.
P: Yeah. Hehe. Anyway, I just want to ask does your relatives you're living with know what your sexual preference is?
Flick: No, they don't have an idea.
P: Ah, OK. What's my name in your phonebook?
Flick: (.)
P: A period? What? Why a period?
Flick: Why? Uh, I just don't want them to know.
P: Are your relatives snooping in on your mobile phone?
Flick: No, but even if they do, I don't care.
P: You don't care but you named me as a character?
Flick: Don't get mad! Fine, I'll change it to your name.
P: No, that's OK, no problem with me. I'm just saying.
Flick: Promise, I will change it.
P: If you say so.
Flick: There! I changed it already!
P: Thanks, although you really don't have to. :)
Flick: I had to.
We met at a mall in Manila last Saturday after my Red Cross training in Intramuros.
I checked his phone for his music, pictures, videos and lastly, his contacts and more particularly, my contact name.
He changed it alright, think John Reyes to Joan Reyes. That was my name in his phonebook.
Ironic but hilarious. It amused me the rest of the day.
Credibility, Specularity, Susceptibility
I met a guy about a week ago.
I met him at a party in one of the most unexpected places.
I met him because I was introduced by a common acquaintance.
I met him because even though I was hesitating to come, I know I had to make an appearance.
I met him, unaware of the fact that he had been looking at me since I came to their group to mingle.
I met him but wasn't actually expecting to meet and date or mix and match there.
I met him.
And his name is Flick.
Days passed and the time I spent communicating with him is immeasurable. He perks me up during the long lectures at Red Cross, he asks me if I already ate lunch, he tries his best to put his best foot forward. I reciprocate, I know how to be a good person. Am I ready for another bungee jumping with romance? Or love making? Or flirting? Or booking? Or intimacy? Or commitment? Or loyalty?
I don't know. But I want to know him more.
But he doesn't know I date other guys.
I met him at a party in one of the most unexpected places.
I met him because I was introduced by a common acquaintance.
I met him because even though I was hesitating to come, I know I had to make an appearance.
I met him, unaware of the fact that he had been looking at me since I came to their group to mingle.
I met him but wasn't actually expecting to meet and date or mix and match there.
I met him.
And his name is Flick.
Days passed and the time I spent communicating with him is immeasurable. He perks me up during the long lectures at Red Cross, he asks me if I already ate lunch, he tries his best to put his best foot forward. I reciprocate, I know how to be a good person. Am I ready for another bungee jumping with romance? Or love making? Or flirting? Or booking? Or intimacy? Or commitment? Or loyalty?
I don't know. But I want to know him more.
But he doesn't know I date other guys.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Finished!
I wasn't expecting this but I already finished the book The Alchemist and sad to say the ending wasn't the one I was expecting.
After all the exhiliration and the euphoric state that the book contributed to my well-being, I found the ending of the story a bit lacking of hype and resolution.
Was he able to find the treasure?
Yes he did but it was something physical, think gold and precious stones in a treasure chest.
Was he able to return to the girl he left in the desert?
Yes he did and they were both happy with it.
Was he able to meet the King again?
No, that was their first and last encounter before he went on his tremulous voyage.
Was he able to pay the gypsy the amount agreed if he finds the treasure?
Yes, he was able to pay the gypsy fine.
What happened to the englishman who spent years and years finding a solution on making gold out of other metals?
He was still in the process but that was actually not his Personal Legend.
Who was the Alchemist?
The wisest man from the desert but somehow I find his character so unappealing and lacking depth.
P, Were you able to fulfill your promise to finish the book?
Yes I was but somehow it felt hanging. Seems to me that the book made all the symbolisms in order to make it more meaningful to the reader, it exhausted my mind just thinking what the winds in the desert or what the Soul of the World meant or represented only to find out that Santiago's treasure is LITERALLY, a treasure meant to be exchanged for commodities or for luxury.
The moment I held the book in my hand and tried to feel the texture of the cover, there was magic, an aura of happiness that engulfed me that it took a while for me to open the first page of the book and read the first chapter, the first paragraph, the first sentence, the first phrase, the first word, the first letter. The fact that I imagined the book as having a great impact in my life made sense to who I am and how I can overcome my personal obstacles and what approach I would be able to do in order for me to find the Personal Legend that the book is talking about, it made me very wrong and right now I'm in contemplation, a minor one though.
Rarely do books give me a sense of reason to believe in them more so the authors, I applaud authors who provide vocabulary of richness and absolute narration, it makes me enthusiastic up to the point that I exhibit much interest and obsession even when I'm in school or at home. Dan Brown, Mitch Aibom, Lualhati Bautista are three of my most idolized authors, Paulo Coelho, on the other hand is still someone I have yet to make a verdict.
The symbolisms used in the book and the way how it perfectly made an abstract definition as to what I was thinking (or maybe finding) made me put down the book for a while to think about life and life's ironies and complications. But, as the story ended, it made me catch a glimpse on how a person should deal with situations and presence of ordeals.
I thank thee for the inspiration.
Next stop, back to Jostein Gaarder's Sophie's World.
After all the exhiliration and the euphoric state that the book contributed to my well-being, I found the ending of the story a bit lacking of hype and resolution.
Was he able to find the treasure?
Yes he did but it was something physical, think gold and precious stones in a treasure chest.
Was he able to return to the girl he left in the desert?
Yes he did and they were both happy with it.
Was he able to meet the King again?
No, that was their first and last encounter before he went on his tremulous voyage.
Was he able to pay the gypsy the amount agreed if he finds the treasure?
Yes, he was able to pay the gypsy fine.
What happened to the englishman who spent years and years finding a solution on making gold out of other metals?
He was still in the process but that was actually not his Personal Legend.
Who was the Alchemist?
The wisest man from the desert but somehow I find his character so unappealing and lacking depth.
P, Were you able to fulfill your promise to finish the book?
Yes I was but somehow it felt hanging. Seems to me that the book made all the symbolisms in order to make it more meaningful to the reader, it exhausted my mind just thinking what the winds in the desert or what the Soul of the World meant or represented only to find out that Santiago's treasure is LITERALLY, a treasure meant to be exchanged for commodities or for luxury.
The moment I held the book in my hand and tried to feel the texture of the cover, there was magic, an aura of happiness that engulfed me that it took a while for me to open the first page of the book and read the first chapter, the first paragraph, the first sentence, the first phrase, the first word, the first letter. The fact that I imagined the book as having a great impact in my life made sense to who I am and how I can overcome my personal obstacles and what approach I would be able to do in order for me to find the Personal Legend that the book is talking about, it made me very wrong and right now I'm in contemplation, a minor one though.
Rarely do books give me a sense of reason to believe in them more so the authors, I applaud authors who provide vocabulary of richness and absolute narration, it makes me enthusiastic up to the point that I exhibit much interest and obsession even when I'm in school or at home. Dan Brown, Mitch Aibom, Lualhati Bautista are three of my most idolized authors, Paulo Coelho, on the other hand is still someone I have yet to make a verdict.
The symbolisms used in the book and the way how it perfectly made an abstract definition as to what I was thinking (or maybe finding) made me put down the book for a while to think about life and life's ironies and complications. But, as the story ended, it made me catch a glimpse on how a person should deal with situations and presence of ordeals.
I thank thee for the inspiration.
Next stop, back to Jostein Gaarder's Sophie's World.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The Alchemist
This book just blows me away from how anyone can relate to how Santiago wants to see the world and how he wants to see it. He wants to form his Personal Legend, one that would make him memorable in his own way. He is not even claiming of his brilliance on how he see things or how he adjusts to certain situations but all I can say is that he is an astounding character.
This book by Paulo Coelho was given to me by an anonymous officemate during our Christmas party, true, I haven't finished the book yet because of irrational reasons but simultaneously, I don't think I want to finish the book for I want the excitement and thrill to be present.
A lot of us are already on the way in attaining His Personal Legend, something that makes our life worthwhile and something that we can be proud of. Reaping the fruits of labor and effort, extracting all the sweat and blood, coping with lives' angels and devils is truly, truly marvelous.
My mind is left with a feeling of guilt for not having finished a thin paper-back book in a day's time but my heart is palpitating and racing for the ending that is still hanging.
Maybe I might finish it later or tomorrow morning or the day after tomorrow or maybe I'd leave the ending to my imagination.
Who knows?
I'm searching for my Personal Legend in the book as well.
This book by Paulo Coelho was given to me by an anonymous officemate during our Christmas party, true, I haven't finished the book yet because of irrational reasons but simultaneously, I don't think I want to finish the book for I want the excitement and thrill to be present.
A lot of us are already on the way in attaining His Personal Legend, something that makes our life worthwhile and something that we can be proud of. Reaping the fruits of labor and effort, extracting all the sweat and blood, coping with lives' angels and devils is truly, truly marvelous.
My mind is left with a feeling of guilt for not having finished a thin paper-back book in a day's time but my heart is palpitating and racing for the ending that is still hanging.
Maybe I might finish it later or tomorrow morning or the day after tomorrow or maybe I'd leave the ending to my imagination.
Who knows?
I'm searching for my Personal Legend in the book as well.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Of Crushes, Coffee Beans and Passers-by
Last night I had a blast with some of the best acquaintances a guy could have. We were having coffee and conversations at CBTL in Greenbelt 3. Ah, yes, caffeine, nicotine, juicy bits and men passing-by it was nearly nirvana on earth. How I wish times like these get more frequent!
So, we were like Sex and the City girls albeit in a group of 6 (although one of us had to go early because of an undisclosed reason), just chilling in an area swarming with oodles of guys (hot or not) just passing by from work or for leisure walk. Some were a sight to behold (one guy was walking back and forth for whatever reason but he sure is cute! Ahem, a blogger actually tried to get his number but. ALAS! No luck), some were OK from a distance and some just needs a quick glance and you get the idea.
There we were mingling with each other, trying to talk of things from life to love to lust. Six guys having a great time with each others company, trying to make the most out of the night.
At one point during the conversation, a blogger by the name of Migs opened up an idea:
"So guys I have this idea that I had since my early days searching for love, that the person I'll be spending my life with should know me quite well, from my childhood experiences to my puberty days, my first time dating, past skeletons in my closet, pet peeves and anything he has to know about me and in turn, I too, must know that person to the best that I can. It's so much better than after a couple of years you would know something about him that might peril the existing relationship"
Then blogger by the name of J butted in.
"Well most likely, this something that you recently learned is a negative one."
"There's this book that I have read that states: isn't it exciting to have someone you barely know love you and treasure you and every day you're like unfolding him or like reading him day to day, turning him from page to page and from chapter to chapter...
Migs suddenly stopped for a thought and said in a well-mannered tone: that could be something interesting as well.
I was listening to their conversation, I thought about their points but one thing came into my mind and asked them: it all boils down to with are you a person who wants the concept of surprise?
Come to think of it falling in love with a person is a surprise more so when you connect to each other, some people grasp the idea of something exciting everytime with their partner but some just digress to the idea.
Obviously, what J said is factual that something that can place your relationship in danger is something negative.
I personally have no problems with surprises. It's just that I'm not fond of surprises turned on to another whole new level, take this for an example:
My ex gave me a bouquet of roses for my birthday IN MY OFFICE! What the eff! I know I'm gay and I wanna feel flattered but when the Security Personnel handed me the roses, I really had mixed feelings, to walking from the office in Ortigas to Shaw Blvd. station to alighting in Ayala station to riding a bus home and displaying the gift in our living room, I was really feeling ambivalent. It just didn't feel quite right yet I don't have the right to complain since I think he knows it would be a nice gesture and I thank him for that. :)
Going back, surprises can offset me but only if it's done in a drastic or extreme way.
Migs opened up another topic: guys, keep quiet, I have a crush on someone. I met him once and I just think he's cute in a good way. His name is I*** and he also owns a blog.
We all chuckled.
Migs added: I'm just afraid that I'm gonna get rejected. I don't know if it's the blogger factor that I have or the real Migs. He turned serious for a moment.
"What have you got to lose anyway? You'll be leaving in a while so better tell him now." The four of us agreed.
"I know but maybe I'm just speculating too much or I don't know" Migs now talking in a friendlier tone.
"Anyways, I'm gonna think about it." He said.
"And on that note, shall we call it a night?" J asked us for a consensus.
"We should!" Agreed the bunch.
We all left with something in our minds and hearts to think about, it was a night of friendship and camaraderie. Something I would like to treasure as I grow old(er).
Foreign guys in that part of Greenbelt are sizzling hot. Hehehe...just had to add that.
So, we were like Sex and the City girls albeit in a group of 6 (although one of us had to go early because of an undisclosed reason), just chilling in an area swarming with oodles of guys (hot or not) just passing by from work or for leisure walk. Some were a sight to behold (one guy was walking back and forth for whatever reason but he sure is cute! Ahem, a blogger actually tried to get his number but. ALAS! No luck), some were OK from a distance and some just needs a quick glance and you get the idea.
There we were mingling with each other, trying to talk of things from life to love to lust. Six guys having a great time with each others company, trying to make the most out of the night.
At one point during the conversation, a blogger by the name of Migs opened up an idea:
"So guys I have this idea that I had since my early days searching for love, that the person I'll be spending my life with should know me quite well, from my childhood experiences to my puberty days, my first time dating, past skeletons in my closet, pet peeves and anything he has to know about me and in turn, I too, must know that person to the best that I can. It's so much better than after a couple of years you would know something about him that might peril the existing relationship"
Then blogger by the name of J butted in.
"Well most likely, this something that you recently learned is a negative one."
"There's this book that I have read that states: isn't it exciting to have someone you barely know love you and treasure you and every day you're like unfolding him or like reading him day to day, turning him from page to page and from chapter to chapter...
Migs suddenly stopped for a thought and said in a well-mannered tone: that could be something interesting as well.
I was listening to their conversation, I thought about their points but one thing came into my mind and asked them: it all boils down to with are you a person who wants the concept of surprise?
Come to think of it falling in love with a person is a surprise more so when you connect to each other, some people grasp the idea of something exciting everytime with their partner but some just digress to the idea.
Obviously, what J said is factual that something that can place your relationship in danger is something negative.
I personally have no problems with surprises. It's just that I'm not fond of surprises turned on to another whole new level, take this for an example:
My ex gave me a bouquet of roses for my birthday IN MY OFFICE! What the eff! I know I'm gay and I wanna feel flattered but when the Security Personnel handed me the roses, I really had mixed feelings, to walking from the office in Ortigas to Shaw Blvd. station to alighting in Ayala station to riding a bus home and displaying the gift in our living room, I was really feeling ambivalent. It just didn't feel quite right yet I don't have the right to complain since I think he knows it would be a nice gesture and I thank him for that. :)
Going back, surprises can offset me but only if it's done in a drastic or extreme way.
Migs opened up another topic: guys, keep quiet, I have a crush on someone. I met him once and I just think he's cute in a good way. His name is I*** and he also owns a blog.
We all chuckled.
Migs added: I'm just afraid that I'm gonna get rejected. I don't know if it's the blogger factor that I have or the real Migs. He turned serious for a moment.
"What have you got to lose anyway? You'll be leaving in a while so better tell him now." The four of us agreed.
"I know but maybe I'm just speculating too much or I don't know" Migs now talking in a friendlier tone.
"Anyways, I'm gonna think about it." He said.
"And on that note, shall we call it a night?" J asked us for a consensus.
"We should!" Agreed the bunch.
We all left with something in our minds and hearts to think about, it was a night of friendship and camaraderie. Something I would like to treasure as I grow old(er).
Foreign guys in that part of Greenbelt are sizzling hot. Hehehe...just had to add that.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Fucking Friends?
He narrated what he did the whole day, from paperworks early in the morning till paperworks in the afternoon, he was asking me if he made the appropriate Nursing Diagnosis, precise timeframe, needed steps to client wellness, he was asking me for some suggestions but I really am not in the mood, I was feeling very sleepy but I can't show it to him or I might offend him that we just went to his pad for some nap time. I assured him that what he did was all fine, I don't need to make suggestions nor does he need any revising on his paperworks, he smiled and lied on his bed.
His smile turned to a smirk, a very naughty and peculiar smirk.
I looked at him and asked him if he's OK, he told me he's fine and I shouldn't worry about him too much.
I wasn't worrying about him for all he knows, I'm more worried about me and how I'm still feeling a bit uneasy, actually more uneasy.
He unbuttoned his polo and stretched his arms that made his shirt reveal a little bit of flesh with a small quantity of hair just below the belly button.
Shit! I bit my lip. I looked away towards the sunlight. This is not good, this is not good. I was trying to divert myself on some other things but resistance is hard...must...resist...Aarggghhhh!!!
"What's wrong with you?" he asked.
"Oh, nothing." I'm, just looking at your place.
"Since when did you guys start renting here?" I quickly added.
"I think since my ate started her hospital duties last year or so. You know we live in the South and most of my ate's affiliated hospitals are from here or North-based." E said.
"That's good. I remembered a time when my first duty is in Antipolo and I live in Parañaque, our shift starts at 18:00, so I had to leave the house before 15:00, any time later than that would mark me as late. That was the longest trip I had to take. Glad I'm done with that." I'm so good with diversion.
"Ah, alright." E suddenly tugged me and whispered to my ear: lie with me here, please.
Who couldn't resist the persistence of man and his goals?
I gave in and hugged him, I asked him why are we doing this, he just told me he just wants to be hugged.
"Huh?" I'm a bit shocked. "Um, I think you have a girlfriend, isn't she the one you need to hug?" I am panicky as of this moment.
"We broke up." E told me.
"Since when?"
"About two weeks ago." He said in a sad tone.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"That's OK, thanks for the comfort."
I wonder what type of comfort? Hahaha!
Anyway, I hugged him tighter, I told him that I'm going to be there for him if he wants to.
He reciprocated with a much warmer hug and went to take a nap.
Or so I thought...
In about a few minutes, he took my left hand under his head and led it below, way below than his belly button area.
I was taken aback. "What the heck are you doing?" I said with much surprise.
"Just relax." E told me in a comforting manner.
My heart is racing again, this time it was getting faster and faster.
He led it down just in front of his pants' zipper, he opened it and there, just a clothing after his pants, rose a flesh that I have been ambivalently anticipating.
"Hold it." E said.
I held it like a child with much care and attention, I caressed it and glided my hand through it.
I squeezed it like a plush toy, a milker trying to obtain fresh milk from a cow, a stressed CEO gripping on his stress ball after a frustrating board meeting.
The flesh reacted violently, it froze and got mad wildly.
I couldn't stop myself, I held it again gently, this time with a push and pull action.
E sighed.
"Please..." E looked at me with puppy dog eyes and he was breathing heavily with a look of lust in his eyes.
I went down and drifted into heaven trying to grasp a piece of the best cloud that I could take home with me to earth.
He moaned and groaned until he let out a gasp of pleasure.
I let him taste a piece of my heaven and he let me taste his.
Part 4
His smile turned to a smirk, a very naughty and peculiar smirk.
I looked at him and asked him if he's OK, he told me he's fine and I shouldn't worry about him too much.
I wasn't worrying about him for all he knows, I'm more worried about me and how I'm still feeling a bit uneasy, actually more uneasy.
He unbuttoned his polo and stretched his arms that made his shirt reveal a little bit of flesh with a small quantity of hair just below the belly button.
Shit! I bit my lip. I looked away towards the sunlight. This is not good, this is not good. I was trying to divert myself on some other things but resistance is hard...must...resist...Aarggghhhh!!!
"What's wrong with you?" he asked.
"Oh, nothing." I'm, just looking at your place.
"Since when did you guys start renting here?" I quickly added.
"I think since my ate started her hospital duties last year or so. You know we live in the South and most of my ate's affiliated hospitals are from here or North-based." E said.
"That's good. I remembered a time when my first duty is in Antipolo and I live in Parañaque, our shift starts at 18:00, so I had to leave the house before 15:00, any time later than that would mark me as late. That was the longest trip I had to take. Glad I'm done with that." I'm so good with diversion.
"Ah, alright." E suddenly tugged me and whispered to my ear: lie with me here, please.
Who couldn't resist the persistence of man and his goals?
I gave in and hugged him, I asked him why are we doing this, he just told me he just wants to be hugged.
"Huh?" I'm a bit shocked. "Um, I think you have a girlfriend, isn't she the one you need to hug?" I am panicky as of this moment.
"We broke up." E told me.
"Since when?"
"About two weeks ago." He said in a sad tone.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"That's OK, thanks for the comfort."
I wonder what type of comfort? Hahaha!
Anyway, I hugged him tighter, I told him that I'm going to be there for him if he wants to.
He reciprocated with a much warmer hug and went to take a nap.
Or so I thought...
In about a few minutes, he took my left hand under his head and led it below, way below than his belly button area.
I was taken aback. "What the heck are you doing?" I said with much surprise.
"Just relax." E told me in a comforting manner.
My heart is racing again, this time it was getting faster and faster.
He led it down just in front of his pants' zipper, he opened it and there, just a clothing after his pants, rose a flesh that I have been ambivalently anticipating.
"Hold it." E said.
I held it like a child with much care and attention, I caressed it and glided my hand through it.
I squeezed it like a plush toy, a milker trying to obtain fresh milk from a cow, a stressed CEO gripping on his stress ball after a frustrating board meeting.
The flesh reacted violently, it froze and got mad wildly.
I couldn't stop myself, I held it again gently, this time with a push and pull action.
E sighed.
"Please..." E looked at me with puppy dog eyes and he was breathing heavily with a look of lust in his eyes.
I went down and drifted into heaven trying to grasp a piece of the best cloud that I could take home with me to earth.
He moaned and groaned until he let out a gasp of pleasure.
I let him taste a piece of my heaven and he let me taste his.
Part 4
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Requisition for External Validation
I was scouring through the world wide web if I can read anything regarding this topic but it seems people aren't that much interested or perhaps, they just don't want it noticed.
From what I can see, there is a much needed attention when it comes to obtaining praises and rewards not just when it comes to occupation but more of how you function as a person.
I asked 3 friends who were more than willing to provide a good opinion on this topic: a fashion designer, a Psychology student and an Early Childhood Education student.
Is it imperative to seek external validation?
From FD: I can't speak for others but external validation has never been a need for me. External Validation works for those who have little belief in their capacity as a human being. While being affirmation may be good, it should never define who we are. Our spirit is far greater than anything outside of it.
Very well said.
From Psych stud: This is a simple case of Nature vs. Nurture: I say we're born with an inherent need for validation, simply because that's the natural order of things. On the other hand, some would say that it's one way how the society influences us: people generally move toward the standard. If you're gonna ask why, I'll be coming back to my basic premise that it's the natural order of things. Society may have contributed to the idea but the human is still responsible for this action.
Ahem, good point of view, I must say.
From Early Childhood Educ stud: Regardless of how people were brought up, I think that external validation is not really imperative but we all know that praises and rewards are needed in order for man to rise from the rank he is in currently. It is society that concocted the idea of validation and it is factual that we all need this in order to survive. To fully grasp the idea that there is dependency of man towards people, experiences and thoughts.
Well done, kudos to the point given.
From Guyrony: Everyone needs Validation regardless of status,gender, creed, and color. I don't think society implemented External Validation just because we need approval from people to make our own actions or more specifically, if actions done are up to norm or deviant. True, we may be people of great capacity and strength but who will we benchmark ourselves into without knowing? How will we know if an action that took place is good, better or best if no one is there to tell us that? We have an inherent need for external validation simply because we are born to have feedbacks in order to develop as a person.
Great Capacities and Skills may be God-given but are honed from scratch.A feedback (either positive or negative) in the forms of rewards, praises, promotions, demotions, criticisms, and punishments are needed because this is a must from us, the person himself, to be able to know what can we do to improve.
Which makes me think: Are Gay Guys going to the gym looking for External Validation or for Healthy Lifestyle purposes?
Hmmmmm....
.
From what I can see, there is a much needed attention when it comes to obtaining praises and rewards not just when it comes to occupation but more of how you function as a person.
I asked 3 friends who were more than willing to provide a good opinion on this topic: a fashion designer, a Psychology student and an Early Childhood Education student.
Is it imperative to seek external validation?
From FD: I can't speak for others but external validation has never been a need for me. External Validation works for those who have little belief in their capacity as a human being. While being affirmation may be good, it should never define who we are. Our spirit is far greater than anything outside of it.
Very well said.
From Psych stud: This is a simple case of Nature vs. Nurture: I say we're born with an inherent need for validation, simply because that's the natural order of things. On the other hand, some would say that it's one way how the society influences us: people generally move toward the standard. If you're gonna ask why, I'll be coming back to my basic premise that it's the natural order of things. Society may have contributed to the idea but the human is still responsible for this action.
Ahem, good point of view, I must say.
From Early Childhood Educ stud: Regardless of how people were brought up, I think that external validation is not really imperative but we all know that praises and rewards are needed in order for man to rise from the rank he is in currently. It is society that concocted the idea of validation and it is factual that we all need this in order to survive. To fully grasp the idea that there is dependency of man towards people, experiences and thoughts.
Well done, kudos to the point given.
From Guyrony: Everyone needs Validation regardless of status,gender, creed, and color. I don't think society implemented External Validation just because we need approval from people to make our own actions or more specifically, if actions done are up to norm or deviant. True, we may be people of great capacity and strength but who will we benchmark ourselves into without knowing? How will we know if an action that took place is good, better or best if no one is there to tell us that? We have an inherent need for external validation simply because we are born to have feedbacks in order to develop as a person.
Great Capacities and Skills may be God-given but are honed from scratch.A feedback (either positive or negative) in the forms of rewards, praises, promotions, demotions, criticisms, and punishments are needed because this is a must from us, the person himself, to be able to know what can we do to improve.
Which makes me think: Are Gay Guys going to the gym looking for External Validation or for Healthy Lifestyle purposes?
Hmmmmm....
.
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