Breaching

I was waiting for a jeepney - wet, cold and slightly shivering. The beam of the headlights seem endless. Passing through my damp face, glaring my already worn out eyes and feeble body.


I was trying my best to look for the most suitable vehicle towards my destination - home. The never-ending honks and street noises made me feel completely, momentarily clueless.


Shall I head home?


Or stay inside a fast food chain till my body dries up?


The former decision won.


At the side of the street, aimlessly waving my right hand till a jeepney, supposedly, sees my signal and stops while I ride it off to where I belong.


A few moments passed and suddenly a carriage, glistening in silver with a gallant horse perched at the middle, stopped, specifically in front of me.


Stepping onto the carriage, I was brought into an aural delight; a Pussycat Dolls' song was being played while I, nonchalantly, bopped my head with much rhythm and excitement. The music faded and my excitement vanished into thin air.


The vehicle, traversed the hi-way that is known as Quiapo. It did not dare run fast nor did it attempt to run slow, it ran as if the chauffeur knew that he was, after all carrying within his responsibilities, paying royalties.


I halted the jeepney in front of the wonderfully lit Manila Post Office. Its majestic pillars and broad structure made my body shiver more, now with intimidation. Had it not been the night and the darkness it brings, I wouldn't have had the experience of seeing it in full glory. 


With the strings of my back pack attached to my shoulders and in between my palms, I walked towards people, waiting for their chance to finally come home after a long day's work.


I was one of them. Tired and stressed from filling out forms earlier in the afternoon. Graduate Studies, if worthy enough, will be within my reach.


And so, like everyone who was waiting for a ride home, I fell in line and waited...


Person by person, one by one, vehicle after vehicle, the line that outlined the pebble-y steps towards the Manila Post Office are now decreasing in number. Men, women, children, students, office staffs, almost everyone wants a taste of a delicious home cooked meal. One they most definitely would appreciate especially with the beaten weather and the cold air drifting from every corner.


The blue green painted public vehicle made a quick stop in front of the line and the last batch are about to alight the journey. No need for seat belts and quick snacks. Thirty five pesos is all that is required.


The earlier damp body somehow dried up from the wind but one can still feel how cold the night is. A night when hugs are certainly more than welcome even from a complete stranger. However, finding a stranger willing to hug is non-accessible as of that moment.


I sat at the back which had always been my favorite place. Like Goldilocks and the Three Bears story, the back provided me the comfort not the front most nor the middle placed seats were able to provide. I placed my back pack on to my front, sitting on my lap and the exhausted me tried to get some shut eye.


How strong the imagination is, how abundant the pixie dust were sprinkled, how heavy my body had been from walking all day, I was in total disconnect. I was badly needing a good nap, take away all my worries and woes but it seems that not even my self will be able to fulfill that.


Travelling along Roxas Boulevard while grabbing tighter the bag, I suddenly felt so alone, so overwhelmingly alone. Peculiar. Strange. Queer. I really felt overwhelmingly alone. Couple that with a semi-dry shirt and pants with an air-con turned to the highest setting and not only did I feel the need to be warmed and hugged but to be appreciated and loved.


I would never have thought that a simple ride going home made me think otherwise.


And so, the cry baby in me silently surfaced at the back of the vehicle. Stealthily hidden from the peering eyes of people who might, surprisingly be shocked of the incident. It was a silent cry: no overflowing tears, no bawling, no sniffs and no long sighs. My eyes were like puddles of mud, slowly starting to be filled up and flowed down like a gentle waterfall. 


That was the time I realized that I have no one. Not even myself for even I can't comfort myself. Anymore.