It's Just That...

How easy it is to judge others,




Yet difficult to judge the self.

Shadow

Perfect.


Your day started perfectly. From the time you woke up on your bed to eating a hearty breakfast to running laps around the park with your favorite beats blasting you to full momentum.


And the afternoon?It was the best! The minute you sat down in front of your computer and started opening blog after blog after blog - from commenting and inculcating the posts to reading gadget blogs especially the Naruto Shippuden manga to plugging the Ipod for it to be fully charged the following day. Lounging and just relaxing to say the least. 


How could life get any better than this? :)


Night time soon followed. With the crescent moon slightly glowing above a cloudless sky. Its light shimmering across the dark terrain coupled only with post lights that were a meter apart. Serene. The whole place reminded you of what peace represents.


You walk towards the narrow street. Across the drunkards sharing countless bottles of Red Horse and stories, laughing their hearts out with witless humor and superficial narrations. You pass by like a cloaked phantom not giving a damn on them and the world.


Bums! You thought to yourself. Ah, seems that the day won't end so perfectly as you expected it to be. But never mind, they do not mean anything to you and you to them.


Moving on with your tranquil brisk walk towards the public vehicle riding area, more than ever, you were eager to get the maximum time out of the weekend.  After all, gay guys and weekends are the perfect match for a sleepless night.


Oh! Waiting seemed forever! Given the fact that it was almost midnight. Okay, passengers are rarer. You have to understand the time.


Glistening from afar, you catch a vehicle of what seemed to be what you were waiting for forever. This is it! You waved your hand for its halt, the driver obeyed your command given that he be paid accordingly.


With your Ipod in full battery, you turn it on and clicked on the playlist of Club Diversity, with tracks all within the genre of house or techno or radio edit remixes. Life, after the long wait, seemed sweeter again. And with the first song starting in your recently purchased in-ear headphones, you suddenly find yourself drifting to sleep...




Part 1

Underneath

After the donned XXS Topman white long-sleeved shirt.


After taking off the newly bought Black Skinny Jeans from Bench.


After removing my ever trusty plain white briefs.


And putting my Family Guy inspired boxer briefs.


I return to reality.


No techno music. No flashing multi-colored lights. No people swaying their hearts out. No thumping. No bumping. No grinding bodies and flirting ones too!


No hard hitting liquors. No traitor-like drinks. No littered cigarette butts. No huffing and puffing of the cancer stick. 


I was back to the world shunned away from the nights and lights of glitz, glamor and pizazz.


From Pop boy extraordinaire. 


Mister Friendship and Rapport.


Danced till I dropped dude.


A Pseudo-fashionista guy.


To a dignified pooper scooper.


A Royal washer, scrubber and sweeper.


The pure awesome cat food purchaser.


And last but not least, a highly-respected Senior Clothes Maintenance Officer.  


Ah, it is great to be back home. :) 

Ask Away!

This is a bold and exciting venture I will traverse.


No holds barred.


No tables unturned.


No cuts.


No commercial breaks.


Just some raw and hardcore question and answer portion.


I do not have Formspring and I never intend to have one.


Ask me anything.


Well, almost.


Hahaha!


Not my full name though. And relatives up to second degree of consanguinity.


;)

S.O.N.S

No number saving.


No last missed calls.


No final texts.


No farewells.


No moments.


No attachments.


No feelings.


No falling.


No contract.


No bareback.


No more.


Simple guidelines of a single one night stand.

To Draw Motivation...

Nowadays, people find it difficult to get motivated and be motivated. Sure, most people find initial motivation but  what is more important is that you find the strength to sustain and preserve one.


At this point in time, how can one obtain something that seems fairly easy to get but a struggle to hold on?


Last Saturday afternoon, I got the chance to feel and realize how important it is to be emotionally vulnerable yet you check yourself once in a while to make sure it would not lead to an emotional distress.


The movie Up was playing and being the ignoramus me and my likeness for 3D-animated movies, I decided to give it a go.


And from there towards the end, I was sobbing with such overwhelming feeling.


Because everyone can relate...


Of a Childhood Promise. I remembered how I wanted to be a teacher - the best one there is. And to be an astronaut - the greatest the world could have. I remembered how I wanted to have an eccentric lifestyle from chauffeurs to butlers to maids in French dresses. How it was wonderful to have those be reminded of who I was before.


Of Postponed Dreams. While growing up, I later realized that I loved so much things that my mind shifted gears faster than a Porsche was speeding along NLEX. Ambitions that were either made late or started early but never got to be finished.


Of Cherishing Moments. Mortality is a subject deeply and profoundly rooted to us. It makes perfect sense or it may make the most incomprehensible one. When a family member leaves, you remember everything, even the most nonsensical conversation. And that is because it was the time shared and spent. Not the filling of the conversation.


Couples have a Universal Obligation to make each other happy. Even if they do not say the words 'I do'.


Of Finding Strength even in the Wraps of Darkness. This is one of the hardest one has to go through in order to be a better person. How can a person look forward to a life of light without even seeing a glint? Ah yes, the key here is support. If one can not see it then perhaps, another person can help realize the person's worth. Little by little. Big leaps are not feasible here. The best way are small steps - paths leading to the light.


Of Pursuing the Postponed. Even grown-ups have the right to continue what had been delayed. Late will always be better than Never. Trying is better than Not trying at all.


Of Friends and Nemesis. People have this notion on trust and how one mistrust can lead to a series of suspicions. I learned it the hard way. True, mistrust can take away even the best relationships. And yes, sometimes, the people you trust best are the people who bites worst.


Of Success. And when triumph is within an arms' reach, remember to credit yourself, first and foremost and never forgetting the people who helped you make your way through the pinnacle. 


I learned a lot. And now it is time to pursue the learning process and be motivated for the best of reasons. For perseverance can be truly rewarding if harnessed to your way.


Thanks for the adventure! Now go and find the next one! - Love, Ellie

Just A Thought

Insecurities Can Build or Destroy your Character.

Dismissal

Tic-tock.


The clock went ticking.


Tic-tock.


The clock continued its work.


Tic-tock.


The clock proceeded its sound.


Tic-tock.


The clock refused to stop.


And the child went more impatient than ever. Impatient by the second. Impatient by the minute. Impatient by the eternal rotating hands. Every time the child looks at the wall clock located at the top of the black board, somehow, wishing that the first hand and second hand would magically synchronize on the middle most number: the number twelve. For when it hits that magic number, that is when the day really starts.


Classmates' conversations on toys.


Playmates' activity for the day talks.


Schoolmates' educational dialogs.


Running, running around the school grounds as if it was a huge playground made for tykes. 


For the afternoon does not merely imply the end of another day at school but the beginning of a fun-filled afternoon.


The kid cheerfully hopped outside the classroom towards their school bus waiting for the students who were oh-so willing to go home and forget what transpired in class.


Bus Number Two. A dilapidated, nearly retiring school bus. It was painted white all throughout the body with a line of maroon occupying  about one-forth of the bottom part. The official driver is an old geezer who had been driving the vehicle since its heydays. The conductor is a middle-aged woman with wrinkles all over her face showing how long she had been existing. She also has a side job which consists of selling candies, flavored ice candies and playing cards (Ultraman and other Japanese-inspired shows) to students who were more than happy to spend more than half of their allowance on her products. She would display her items on the very first seat on the left (upon going up the bus) and she would be the one occupying that space as well.


The child was near the bus area. Buses big and small were lined up like in a car shop, waiting for people who might be interested to purchase them.


A lightning idea struck the child! The kid made an unsolicited decision to wait in the waiting area; pass the bus area, pass the Bus Number Two, pass the playground. At the waiting area, there, the kid waited for someone important.


Sitting instantly on a row of stone benches overlooking the hi-way. Patiently, patiently waiting.


One by one the children were picked up by their respective guardians.


One by one children vacated the waiting area.


One by one children diminished in population.


The kid sniffed while looking outside. Anticipating but nearly alone. Looking outside,  one could see the vastness of the open hi-way being filled by sedans, ten-wheeler trucks, vans and public jeepneys. The screeching wheels and the smell of burning rubber were irritating but that did not stop the child from having a day dream...


A woman, donning a floral-inspired dress was at the other side of the hi-way. She was also wearing a pair of large sunglasses and a hat made of straw. The silhouette of her dress reminds you of a water being poured exquisitely into an expensive glass. But what made the child more interested was what she was holding - on her right hand she was holding a plastic containing what seems to be Pancit Palabok from Jollibee while on her left hand she was holding a carton and outside the carton it read: Chickenjoy. The child got all giddy and excited! It was as if the Jollibee theme song suddenly played in the background. Finally! The wait is over and the wait is definitely worth it! Picking up his bag from his side, the child ran fast to proceed to the gate to greet the expected someone.


Snapping back into reality - sedans, ten-wheeler trucks, vans and public jeepneys still dominated the hi-way. No signs of a woman in a dress with food. No signs of a song being played in the background. Sadness loomed.


They say be careful what you wish for, however, this time the child could not care what the consequences were.


Seeing that person would mean the world.


After a few more minutes of waiting, with a heavy heart, decided to abandon hope for another day. Today is a learning.


Hopping down very carefully so as not to bruise himself from the stone-made bench, the kid made a quick glance outside.


Someone was at the other end of the hi-way!


Someone familiar!


Someone the child had been expecting!


That woman in the dress!


That woman was the child's Mom.


And that was the beginning of a more beautiful day.

Breaching

I was waiting for a jeepney - wet, cold and slightly shivering. The beam of the headlights seem endless. Passing through my damp face, glaring my already worn out eyes and feeble body.


I was trying my best to look for the most suitable vehicle towards my destination - home. The never-ending honks and street noises made me feel completely, momentarily clueless.


Shall I head home?


Or stay inside a fast food chain till my body dries up?


The former decision won.


At the side of the street, aimlessly waving my right hand till a jeepney, supposedly, sees my signal and stops while I ride it off to where I belong.


A few moments passed and suddenly a carriage, glistening in silver with a gallant horse perched at the middle, stopped, specifically in front of me.


Stepping onto the carriage, I was brought into an aural delight; a Pussycat Dolls' song was being played while I, nonchalantly, bopped my head with much rhythm and excitement. The music faded and my excitement vanished into thin air.


The vehicle, traversed the hi-way that is known as Quiapo. It did not dare run fast nor did it attempt to run slow, it ran as if the chauffeur knew that he was, after all carrying within his responsibilities, paying royalties.


I halted the jeepney in front of the wonderfully lit Manila Post Office. Its majestic pillars and broad structure made my body shiver more, now with intimidation. Had it not been the night and the darkness it brings, I wouldn't have had the experience of seeing it in full glory. 


With the strings of my back pack attached to my shoulders and in between my palms, I walked towards people, waiting for their chance to finally come home after a long day's work.


I was one of them. Tired and stressed from filling out forms earlier in the afternoon. Graduate Studies, if worthy enough, will be within my reach.


And so, like everyone who was waiting for a ride home, I fell in line and waited...


Person by person, one by one, vehicle after vehicle, the line that outlined the pebble-y steps towards the Manila Post Office are now decreasing in number. Men, women, children, students, office staffs, almost everyone wants a taste of a delicious home cooked meal. One they most definitely would appreciate especially with the beaten weather and the cold air drifting from every corner.


The blue green painted public vehicle made a quick stop in front of the line and the last batch are about to alight the journey. No need for seat belts and quick snacks. Thirty five pesos is all that is required.


The earlier damp body somehow dried up from the wind but one can still feel how cold the night is. A night when hugs are certainly more than welcome even from a complete stranger. However, finding a stranger willing to hug is non-accessible as of that moment.


I sat at the back which had always been my favorite place. Like Goldilocks and the Three Bears story, the back provided me the comfort not the front most nor the middle placed seats were able to provide. I placed my back pack on to my front, sitting on my lap and the exhausted me tried to get some shut eye.


How strong the imagination is, how abundant the pixie dust were sprinkled, how heavy my body had been from walking all day, I was in total disconnect. I was badly needing a good nap, take away all my worries and woes but it seems that not even my self will be able to fulfill that.


Travelling along Roxas Boulevard while grabbing tighter the bag, I suddenly felt so alone, so overwhelmingly alone. Peculiar. Strange. Queer. I really felt overwhelmingly alone. Couple that with a semi-dry shirt and pants with an air-con turned to the highest setting and not only did I feel the need to be warmed and hugged but to be appreciated and loved.


I would never have thought that a simple ride going home made me think otherwise.


And so, the cry baby in me silently surfaced at the back of the vehicle. Stealthily hidden from the peering eyes of people who might, surprisingly be shocked of the incident. It was a silent cry: no overflowing tears, no bawling, no sniffs and no long sighs. My eyes were like puddles of mud, slowly starting to be filled up and flowed down like a gentle waterfall. 


That was the time I realized that I have no one. Not even myself for even I can't comfort myself. Anymore.

Of Life Lessons

"Please do take care of your Dad."


Uncle W said this while I was placing uncooked rice onto the cooker for dinner.


It felt weird and awkward after him saying those six words. One that got me into deep thinking.


"Whoa, where did that come from? Is he kidding me? What is he up to?" I asked myself.


I don't know who told him but he knows me and my Dad are not in good terms. Heck, I could even justify that we are not in terms, at all.


After the escaped words of wisdom, he left.


A couple of months passed and we had a family reunion because my cousin celebrated his graduation from High School.


We met at a Chinese restaurant in Bel-air. And there, I saw Uncle again but something is different. I had a very bad feeling.


He spoke to us and conversed with us but there was a certain hoarseness in his voice, quite unusual. But still, we did not take it seriously.


Fourteen days went by without knowing what was happening to him. We were not updated. We all thought everything is going quite well on his side of town while we were enjoying the sun and the sand in Pangasinan.


"Your Uncle lost his voice." Our Grandma told us at their ancestral house.


My cousins and I looked at each other with a huge question mark on our face. Our faces were asking: so what? We're pretty sure it will come back shortly.


We didn't know it will result to a more horrific situation.


After returning from our trip, Uncle W's condition took in for the worse. He immediately consulted a physician and had all blood chemistry done to check what's causing his easy fatigability, loss of voice, and lumps in his abdominal area.


Third stage Cancer of the Lungs was the Physician's diagnosis. We were shocked! We know he's a hard-smoker but Cancer? And what's more is that it metastasized.


Everyone prayed fervently. We all did what a good supporting family would do; support him morally, emotionally and spiritually; cheer him up even when he's not in the mood; check his medical status every now and then.


Good thing the company he's working in paid all his chemotherapy expenses. Reality is, he couldn't afford such expense. But we were there. We needed to be there.


Day after day we would ask his kids on his condition: sometimes it's bad, sometimes he's feeling better, sometimes he's okay, sometimes he's in pain, sometimes he cries, sometimes he falls off from bed, sometimes he doesn't look at people, sometimes he seems to give out a faint smile, sometimes he is frowning from dawn till dusk, sometimes he can't sleep at night, sometimes he is barely awake.


Sometimes I wish I could have done more.


Months passed and my Mom visits and takes care of him daily, she updates me every now and then. From caring at home, he was transferred to the hospital for further close monitoring. We all thought, well, that would be better for him because medical professionals will be checking him and making sure he'll be better.


One day at a time, he will be better. Good as new. Better than before. More talkative then the last. And more workaholic than previously.


As we predicted.


My cousin and I were biking that day. It was part of our daily routine during summer to exercise. We were literally obese.


As we were biking around the cemetery, I kept thinking of Uncle W. It was freaking me out. I was thinking of him from the time we left home until the end of our biking session. I can't keep him out of my mind.


What is happening to him?


Is he going to be out of the hospital today?


When can I see him again? I miss our silly conversations.


Will he give a sermon again on helping out at home? I miss that too.


Why is he suddenly running in my head? Maybe because he's better.


And with that last round at the cemetery, we were done and got home. After taking a bath I checked my phone, as would any person with a mobile phone would do.


I saw a text. One text. It was from his middle-born son.


"At around 8:15 am, my Dad, W, passed away from cancer of the lungs. His body will be brought to Funeraria Paz in Quezon City. Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes. We all know he is already in the good hands of the Lord, our God."


And with that I deleted the text and immediately changed clothes. My Mom and I were the only people in the house and decided to go to the hospital where he was confined. 


You know that feeling of apathy? That feeling that there's nothing you feel? A certain numbness enveloping the heart from what could be devastating to begin with?


I felt that. I didn't feel sorry nor happy because his pain is all gone. I didn't feel sick nor sad because of his death. I didn't feel restless nor tormented because he passed away.


I was just numb.


Before we even got to the hospital, my cousin, his son called us and told us that they were already at the funeral. We hailed a cab from the perimeter of the hospital and went straight to the funeral place.


Oh, we waited for hours and hours for his body. People, unknown or not started to pour inside the room. We weren't even talking about him. Everything was so casual. Like nothing happened. Like no one died.


But the wind changed and the mood altered as soon as we saw the coffin arriving inside. It was as if death all struck us from within. Suddenly cries started pouring in, people who I barely know were crying for the same reason I was crying. We felt a huge loss.


And there, there I cried. I cried with all my heart. I cried with tears I might have saved up. I cried with such heart-wrench and grief. I cried. And the numbness dissipated...  


As we lay our Uncle to rest, Grandfather said something that I will never, ever forget.


"We should be the ones being buried by our children, not the other way around."


Finally, he slowly placed the porcelain jar inside the four corners in the columbarium.  






Good night and sleep tight. Dream and dream wonderfully for your sleep is eternal, limitless, boundless.

After Party Addiction

He was the tiger. I was the antelope.


But we were both carnivores.


He was humping crazily while our bodies jived in motion.


Our torsos, getting more sweaty with each sync of thrust-withdraw.


We were catching each others' breaths, making us feel in need of more heat.


And with that his thrusts are becoming stronger, more energetic, more impact every time.


On the other hand, I was pounded to the wall more vehemently, more aggressively, more viciously.


Every time it did, the wall would stare at us with bewilderment and surprise. And a devilish grin.


But we did not care. No. The only thing we cared for that time was us, just us and great dry f***.


But the guy wants more...oh yes, I could definitely tell he wants more. With his rhythm and motion, the way he would insert it and pull it back. The guy is hungry, too hungry. Carnally hungry. Unsatisfied. Non-satiated, yet.


But I was serious with my words.


"Can I F*** you?" Was his plead again.


"Please, dude, not this time." I tried to convince him.


"Please, it will be quick." He requested.


"No, please understand." I was begging him off, trying my best.


"I wanna f*** you." 


"I want it too but not now."


"I'll f*** you."


"Please, no."


"I'll f*** you."


"I won't let you do it."


"This will be quick."


"But..."


Well, did blogger boy take the bait?


What was his decision, did he beg off or give in?


After all, it will be quick... ;)








Final Part

In Between My Pillows...

Peace brings forth solace.

One that would make a slumber feel so eternal, ultimate.

Every single moment happening around is silenced up to a halt.

From talks to chatters to silly conversations to whispers.

All that is left is a muted state.

Imaginations of convoluted, distorted, estranged, alienated feeling.

Rhythms and melodies even the greatest musician can not understand.

Pouring every inch of what might be the best there is.

Tonight a human, being one of its kind.

Will finally unfold his blanket and lay to rest.

Amidst a stream of wonderfully flowing through his cheeks.

After Party Addiction

Inhaling.


I was inhaling my very best. Every time I did feel like my tightened chest was slowly expanding.


Panting.


I was panting really hard. Too hard that I had to take away my mouth from that glorious piece of flesh he was thrusting earlier.


Breathing.


I was breathing heavily as soon as I took an imaginary heap of air into my exasperating body.


Palpitating.


I can feel my heart trying to forcefully exalt itself from my chest.


Perspiring.


Not because of the heat of the action but because of the intensity and the thought of being caught.


Exhaling.


Grabbing it again and diving deep into an ocean of oral satisfaction.


He was feeling so intense, so overwhelmed, so exasperated. I can tell from the way he makes all those enticing sounds with his mouth. 


"Great, he's loving it." I thought to myself.


"Dude." He suddenly said calmly.


"What?" I replied calmly as well.


"Can I f*** you?"


"Excuse me?" I had to ask again, I might be hearing things.


"Please, can I f*** you?" His voice, pleading, begging, requesting.


"I would really want that but it's really not the right time." I told him while still giving him a head.


"Please." Asking, humbly asking for the act.


Shall I do it with him? The devil inside my head insists.


Maybe a next time may be better? The angel in me suggests.


But we were both devilish that time and I, for one haven't had s** for more than a month. Itching? Yes I was plus it will be a good excuse to sleep around with a guy after a break-up. Oh yes, I'm so excusing myself. Hahahaha!


Even before I was able to make a reply with my convicting answer he suddenly asked:


What about dry f***?


Finally! A compromise I was willing to take, accept, and even agree with delight.


I did not answer his question but instead I got up from my position.


He grabbed my face and torridly kissed me until saliva sputtered out from our lips.


I cupped his face and kissed him wilder than the last time.


He unzipped my pants slowly yet with a slight feel of excitement. He let go off the hook that's keeping my pants from embracing my hips. And gently, he pulled down my briefs.


I positioned myself facing the wall while he positioned himself behind me.


Knock. Knock. Knock.


Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!


A friend of his is gonna take a leak in the bathroom where we're in! And they know he's inside and even calling him.


I quickly panicked! I know it's too hot to handle but it was just way too nasty and embarrassing to be caught off-guard, case in point, both our trousers down.


"Your friends are calling you, go ahead." I anxiously told him.


"Let them be." He said while he was nearly about to thrust me with his erected pride.


"Dude, I think someone needs to use the bathroom and I think they really need you.


"Let them be." With his eyes closed and lips bitten to show ecstasy.


But I had to stop the act. It was making me uncomfortable. Too uncomfortable to enjoy.


"I think it's better for you to check with them first." I told him while pulling my pants up and letting him know that the act was finished.


He gave out a faint sad expression. Devastated from within. And not even reaching climax!


We fixed ourselves and after that he went out the john to go and check his friends that were looking for him earlier.


I wonder where that guy who needed to use the john go to? Because I was afraid he'll catch me still inside, prepping up. ;) 


I waited for a few minutes till I can go out and face the world again. I went to the lavatory and looked in front of the mirror. God I looked so stressed! I don't know if it's the alcohol in the body, the heat of the loins or the interrupted coitus but I really looked not my age that time.


I washed my face to freshen up and hopefully back to the bed I once lay before I was spun into this fairy-tale intercourse.


But before I was able to go out the door, there he went back, locked up the room and off we went to make the fairy-tale into reality.  


A bit surprised but what the heck? Weren't we all there to have fun? Even in the strangest places I say.


He looked at me straight in the eye and let out a good lash at my lips. 


I craved in.


Without further ado, he unlocked my pants again and off we went with our unholy moans and groans.


Ahhh...


Oh shiiit...


Please...


Oh yeah...


Were all that we could utter.








Part 2

After Party Addiction

I was barely awake from bed when he grabbed my arm.


"Come with me." Was the voice's command. 


It was forceful, intimidating, provoking.


Meanwhile, I'm still recovering from my drinking spree. Groggy and tipsy plus a  sleep cut short. 


But his voice prevailed.


"Come with me." He repeated with the same tone and manner.


The surprised me did not make any complaints nor budge nor figure a way out of his command.


"Where is he taking me?"


"What will he do with me?"


"Is he serious?"


"How come he chose me?"


 I asked myself while getting up from bed.


Yes, I asked all those questions while he was assisting me to get up from bed.


We quickly crept inside a comfort room located a few steps away from the bed where I previously lay.


We quickly crept inside unnoticed among all guests whom most were also asleep either on the bed or the couches.


We quickly crept inside even though I was still struggling to pull myself together and balance my walk.


The two of us locked ourselves up.


He started kissing me passionately, one that I would remember for the rest of this year. His eyes, intense and fiery. His lips are the best, warm, moist, supple. Delicious.


I am not the type of person who lets a person win without a good fight. I fought with him: our tongues jousting each other, inserting every part of our mouths, battling it out for the trophy.


For who am I to resist such sweet temptation? Who am I to reject a pang I have hungered for since I broke up? Who am I to even turn down such an offer?


Partying is the game but playing dirty is my name. That was what I did, that was what was done.


We played with our lips a little longer, longing for each others' breaths and saliva. 


'Twas heavenly.


The two of us can't help each other. The heat was rising, our body heat was rising and we're in a locked up place.


What else to do but to do something dirtier. ;)


He pushed me down, at first I begged off but I was weak that time because of my alcohol-induced state. His force was stronger, his might was stronger, I had to succumb...


He was already moaning from delight from the way I touch his crotch with my hands.


"S*** me." He muttered.


"What?" I asked him just to make sure.


"S*** me." With a motion of his lips, the way it pleased my libido and my groin.


Perhaps this is a test of my years in the industry, a testament that I still have it. 


I knelt slowly focusing only on one subject and that is his crotch area. I breathed in long, long enough to taste what I can call heaven on earth, temporarily.


His moans kept getting louder, my mouth was working harder.


Salivating, I didn't mind. I was in a state of complete pleasure; away from any types of stress. This is an escape from temporary sanity.


He thrust it deeper, with more power, with more vigor. I was catching my breath but the fun just seems to increase at an alarming level.


Taking my mouth away to breathe he started pulling me up and whispered something in my ear:


"Can I F*** you?"


I was flabbergasted!


"Come again?" I asked again just to make sure.


"Can I F*** you?" He repeated.


It took me some time and a lot of courage to provide him with an ample answer but first:


"Do you have lube?" I interrogated.


"None." He bluntly replied.


"What about condoms?" I quickly asked another.


"None." He told me.


"Sorry but you can't." Was all that I could muster.


"It will be quick."


"No, dude."


"Please."


"Dude, you don't have any lube nor condom with you, what do you think we'll use, the soap?" Pointing to the complimentary toiletries inside the comfort room.


"Come on." He insisted.


"Not gonna happen." I raised my voice a bit.


"Alright, that's fine." He smiled and pushed me down to where happiness took me earlier.


And I, of all people in the party, gladly obliged.






Part 1

Just A Thought

For even Optimism can lead into something False.

Entertain Meant

The mind is so powerful that any impossibility can be twisted around. 


When one opens up to an idea so compelling and acceptable, it is bound to be factual. No matter what.


For something too good to be true can make us feel disillusioned yet we grasp the idea because the feeling is just too intense to let go.


For meeting someone in unexpected places can place us in the most awkward of ways. Too awkward even.


Because humans are like that, people are like that, we are like that.


To create, weave, sew and thread an event not even close to experience. Dreams. 


Thinking of the best perchance of not feeling when one is in sorrow, in grief, in doubt.


Mind-set is much stronger than optimism. For there is already a set-up included.


If not for the wonderful emotions we can explore, we see life as mere present. A mere farce.


Seeing someone so close yet so far, wanting the warmth, comfort and affection only we can provide.


Truly marvelous understanding of how one can go to too much trouble just to keep falling all over.


The slight touch of contact, a jiffy glaze of the eyes, a smirk that lasts for a second.


When we see things clearly, that is when the magic all appears.


And when that person who swept you off your feet suddenly takes a quick turn of events, think about or isolate themselves from you and the rest of the world.


That is when the magic disappears, the mind-set fades and all that is left of you is a hazy and branching mind trick.