Fucking Friends?
What the heck were you thinking? Did your ego got the best of you again? Time and again P,you let your decision making skills fail you. Is this really what you want?
My mind asked me these questions upon going home. I was trying to comprehend the situation: I am committed to a person who loves me for who and what I am and yet on the other side, my mind is lingering to have a one night stand or more precisely an afternoon delight.
My ego is regressing and it is functioning like I didn't learn from my past experiences. OK,so right now, I'm speculating about the matter. Maybe E really has good intentions and he just wants to be accompanied for a while.
My mind is acting pretty weird and given my personality of being overly suspicious and complicating simple situations, it's making me bonkers. And that's just what I was thinking the whole time from España until my home in Parañaque. Geez, this is getting ridiculous, I'm being too speculative and too overly reactive.
Maybe nothing will happen, just as long as I don't show any motives and him as well.
It will be fine P, stop worrying. Yeah, I really hope it will.
My academic activities dwindled so I have more time to do the things that I missed out plus, I can definitely go to E's rented place to accompany him.
I texted him again just in case he won't be needing my company anymore or so I think that's my primary reason.
P: E, zup?
E: just doing some paperworks, got a lot to finish. I'm at the internet shop near the campus.
P: Just wanna ask, are we still going to your pad?
E: Yeah, my ate will be going straight to Muntinlupa from her hospital duty.
P: Where will we meet?
E: Let's just meet at the Freedom Park. Around 2pm.
P: Ok, I'll be hanging there anyway, just relaxing and resting.
E: Sure, see you.
P: Yeah, just make sure you finish your paperworks before we meet.
E: Will try, thanks.
P: :)
I waited at the Freedom Park, I sat at one of the benches made of cement with a tree surrounded by the bench part. I sat in front of the chapel because I just dropped by from the chapel. The air was cool and the ambiance is refreshing, if permitted, I could just lie down and close my eyes and blank my mind about everything else, as in everything. Family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, ex-partners, good experiences, bad experiences, lessons learned in and out the campus, lessons still wanna learn, good decisions made in the past, bad decisions made that made it worse, vented out issues that was adding to emotional baggage, venting issues that are really unimportant, told people of things a person shouldn't have, told people of things a person could relate to, regrets trying to unleash, regrets trying to release, acceptance trying to inculcate, acceptance trying to digest.
The venue served as a perfect spot for me to think about nothing. Nothing but me...then E came.
E: Hey!!!
P : (Pretending to be dozing off)
E: Hey, we're going P.
P: (Still pretending with dreaming effect)
E: Hey P if you don't get up, I will rape you here.
P: (As if struck by a lightning bolt) WHAT?!
E: I'm kidding!
P: OK.
(Thinking: What the Eff?)
E: See, you got up so fast when I said that.
P: Because you surprised me with you're statement.
E: I'm just kidding, geez, you're too serious.
P: You don't know me that much yet. I can be deadly serious if I want to.
E: OK, well I'm kidding and don't take it seriously.
P: Alright.
I got up, dusted off some dirt from my pants and polo shirt, took my backpack and placed it on my back, adjusted my spectacles and off we go.
We were walking along P. Kampa and my heart is palpitating like a caffeine-induced freak who haven't slept yet for nearly 72 hours. We were walking near a jeepney station in order for us to get to his pad. I think I'm just being bizarre but really my heart is exceeding normal range when I know that I will have a greatly possible hook-up or something near that. Believe me, I know myself, my heart races like an F1 race car when I know something bad (in a naughty way) or good (still in a naughty way) is going to happen. And unluckily, I am feeling that uneasiness with him that time and we're still in a jeep!
We arrived at his pad about 10 minutes of ride. It was a studio type room with amenities like a refrigerator and a TV. It was OK. The lighting is fine where the sun lights up the whole room and the space is also decent. Coming from someone who doesn't have a degree in architecture. Just get along with me. :)
We sat down on his bed which is basically a comforter placed on the floor. He was narrating his day at school and what he did during the day. I, on the other hand was thinking of something else, my mind is fluttering again as usual.
What the heck?
Part 3
My mind asked me these questions upon going home. I was trying to comprehend the situation: I am committed to a person who loves me for who and what I am and yet on the other side, my mind is lingering to have a one night stand or more precisely an afternoon delight.
My ego is regressing and it is functioning like I didn't learn from my past experiences. OK,so right now, I'm speculating about the matter. Maybe E really has good intentions and he just wants to be accompanied for a while.
My mind is acting pretty weird and given my personality of being overly suspicious and complicating simple situations, it's making me bonkers. And that's just what I was thinking the whole time from España until my home in Parañaque. Geez, this is getting ridiculous, I'm being too speculative and too overly reactive.
Maybe nothing will happen, just as long as I don't show any motives and him as well.
It will be fine P, stop worrying. Yeah, I really hope it will.
My academic activities dwindled so I have more time to do the things that I missed out plus, I can definitely go to E's rented place to accompany him.
I texted him again just in case he won't be needing my company anymore or so I think that's my primary reason.
P: E, zup?
E: just doing some paperworks, got a lot to finish. I'm at the internet shop near the campus.
P: Just wanna ask, are we still going to your pad?
E: Yeah, my ate will be going straight to Muntinlupa from her hospital duty.
P: Where will we meet?
E: Let's just meet at the Freedom Park. Around 2pm.
P: Ok, I'll be hanging there anyway, just relaxing and resting.
E: Sure, see you.
P: Yeah, just make sure you finish your paperworks before we meet.
E: Will try, thanks.
P: :)
I waited at the Freedom Park, I sat at one of the benches made of cement with a tree surrounded by the bench part. I sat in front of the chapel because I just dropped by from the chapel. The air was cool and the ambiance is refreshing, if permitted, I could just lie down and close my eyes and blank my mind about everything else, as in everything. Family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, ex-partners, good experiences, bad experiences, lessons learned in and out the campus, lessons still wanna learn, good decisions made in the past, bad decisions made that made it worse, vented out issues that was adding to emotional baggage, venting issues that are really unimportant, told people of things a person shouldn't have, told people of things a person could relate to, regrets trying to unleash, regrets trying to release, acceptance trying to inculcate, acceptance trying to digest.
The venue served as a perfect spot for me to think about nothing. Nothing but me...then E came.
E: Hey!!!
P : (Pretending to be dozing off)
E: Hey, we're going P.
P: (Still pretending with dreaming effect)
E: Hey P if you don't get up, I will rape you here.
P: (As if struck by a lightning bolt) WHAT?!
E: I'm kidding!
P: OK.
(Thinking: What the Eff?)
E: See, you got up so fast when I said that.
P: Because you surprised me with you're statement.
E: I'm just kidding, geez, you're too serious.
P: You don't know me that much yet. I can be deadly serious if I want to.
E: OK, well I'm kidding and don't take it seriously.
P: Alright.
I got up, dusted off some dirt from my pants and polo shirt, took my backpack and placed it on my back, adjusted my spectacles and off we go.
We were walking along P. Kampa and my heart is palpitating like a caffeine-induced freak who haven't slept yet for nearly 72 hours. We were walking near a jeepney station in order for us to get to his pad. I think I'm just being bizarre but really my heart is exceeding normal range when I know that I will have a greatly possible hook-up or something near that. Believe me, I know myself, my heart races like an F1 race car when I know something bad (in a naughty way) or good (still in a naughty way) is going to happen. And unluckily, I am feeling that uneasiness with him that time and we're still in a jeep!
We arrived at his pad about 10 minutes of ride. It was a studio type room with amenities like a refrigerator and a TV. It was OK. The lighting is fine where the sun lights up the whole room and the space is also decent. Coming from someone who doesn't have a degree in architecture. Just get along with me. :)
We sat down on his bed which is basically a comforter placed on the floor. He was narrating his day at school and what he did during the day. I, on the other hand was thinking of something else, my mind is fluttering again as usual.
What the heck?
Part 3
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