No Class Blast!

The pattering sequence of the rain didn't help the children's misery.


Yes their class were suspended.


Yes they could spend all day at home.


Yes they had a great sleep because of the cold and damp air and the warmth of their blankets.


Yes their mother cooked a hearty meal worthy to be critiqued as five star. 


But it was a boring, no classes day. Too boring. Dead boring.


The two looked out on their parents' room on the second floor. Two birds were taking shelter from the rain. They were drying themselves by shaking their bodies from their beaks to their tails. The children let out a deep sigh. They didn't expect this day to be too dull. Duller than listening to their respective English teachers' lecture on nouns, pronouns and adjectives. They wished school wasn't cancelled and they rarely wish that way!


Another deep and long sigh.


The birds now slightly dry quickly perched on a hole in their roof. It was a bird-made home when they, someday, will raise their young ones to be the best chirping birds on the whole block.


That rain's patter continued. It seems that a long day is waiting for the children after all.


Still staring outside, it seemed that the branches of the trees swayed gracefully as if dancing with the wind. The branches represented a female dancer being led by the wind, the male dancer.


The children, more bored than ever let out the deepest sigh with a hint of irritation and annoyance. They know they can't let this day pass without having fun. Forget homeworks, forget book exercises, forget formal themes, forget recitations. This, this is the day that they should forget everything academic. For the meantime.


They looked around their parent's room for something to tinkle and toy around. They found none. They stared outside again. And when they did, the children noticed something different; the rains' patter seemed to have become wilder, more spontaneous; the winds' dance seemed to have become more artistic, bolder; the trees' branches seemed to have become more expressive, more outburst of emotion.


With a sudden burst of an idea the older child grabbed the younger one by the arm and the two ran from their parents' room down to the staircase towards the garage and out on the street. The older kid let go of the younger child and and both lifted hands as if trying to embrace something in mid-air. They also looked up to the dark and gloomy sky as if an apparition floated.


Oh they couldn't be much happier! They were like lunatics flailing their arms with fun and glee. Never mind Leptospirosis or Septicemia. Rushing towards a gutter near their home, they saw how strong the current is flowing from the roof to the pipeline. There they stayed to their hearts' content.


With pessimism turned optimism, they know their long day will be much better the moment they went out. Ah,  the youthful energy is something to look forward to. Their smiles, their cheers, their heartfelt laughter. Cherished. Photographed and stored only in their minds. Who cares? They know it is something their adult life won't experience. Near, maybe but not exceeding.


Seeing holes across the street filled with muddy water they tried their best to jump on all of them. Splashing their muddy little feet into the puddles, filling their crummy little toes of muddy goodness. Spa-schpa! Foot scrub to a natural level. For real.


When they noticed that the rainfall was coming to a halt they knew their day had to end. They started screaming and doing a sort of rain dance just like how the American-Indians did to ask for rain on their dry plantation but to no avail. The clouds cleared  and the sun showed face, although slightly shadowed by the gray, cumulonimbus clouds but nonetheless it was a farewell to a happy shower.


The two returned home tired and beaten. Their Dad handed them two towels while giving a sermon on not asking permission, playing on the dirty mud and on the acidic rain. 


But you know what?


They were all smiles up to ears after the experience. A smile their boring day brought them all because of the boring rain. That boring rain.

Something to Ponder About

For in somnolence, you see everything in complete contrast with reality. 

Sanctuary

The thunder roared at them with much humor and delight. The children, terrified of the noise quickly scrambled under their bed for temporary shelter.


The thunder roared again with much power and might. Louder than the last. Delighted than the last. The children, now with their hands covering their ears were screaming for comfort but alas, there was no one for them.


The thunder with its most maleficent state gave out the most deaf-inducing thud yet. The children, screaming more violently than ever were already shedding tears of cowardice.


What can they do? They are just mere children. They still are ignorant and ponderous of the world, of the weather conditions, of the present situation they are in. Crouching under their bed they were vulnerable, scared out of their wits.


Pfft.


The lights at home suddenly went all out! Panic flowed from their every vein. Their pulse were beating so fast that it's almost impossible to count. Their respiration were as if they were stricken with asthma. Their temperature were getting colder by the minute. After waiting for what seems like forever; the rain seemed to ebb, the wind toned down its howl, the lightning flashes dwindled in numbers and the thunder roars tamed down its disposition. The children were relieved but till when? Darkness already crept from every corner of their house like monstrous vines out for a mission to conquer and not be conquered.


The two scanned the place, trying to search for a source of artificial light. Failed. Their only hope is the emergency light located at the other room, the master's bedroom, in which, they would have to get out of their comfort zone, walk towards a sea of darkness, and luckily obtain what might be their source of strength and light, literally. 


Slowly they crept out of their shelter, no hint of light in sight. Boogie Monsters, Kapres, Tikbalangs and White Ladies entered their imaginative minds. The older one let out a loud shrill and soon the younger one followed. They dashed towards the other room as fast as they could never minding if they bump into a wall or a furniture. Stop. With the two still catching their breaths they looked around the room. They saw their father's closet and their mother's closet plus a cabinet on the far side of the room.


Where do their parents keep the emergency light?


Is it at Mom's closet?


Is it at Dad's?


Or is it at the cabinet on top?


They started doing their eenie meenie, pointing out the best closet to find what they were searching for. They don't want to meet anything strange! So they were playing safe. Hopefully if they get it right and play their cards excellently then there would be no trouble of such thoughts.


The older one pointed at their Mom's closet.


The younger one pointed at their Dad's closet.


They looked at each other with question marks on their faces. The older one suddenly pushed the younger child in front of their Dad's closet. The younger one looked back and saw the older one's expression of: well if that's your choice go ahead and open it then! The kid had no choice. Seniority power proved to be stronger than what was expected. He was afraid, afraid if ever he sees an unknown being upon opening the closet or he gets punched on his shoulder for being a chicken.


Crossroads? For the kid, this will be a good start of better plan management but for the meantime it seems he's more scared of a knuckle sandwich than a ghost floating in the cabinet looking for a human to scare.


Together with a clenched fist and a huge gulp sliding down from his throat to his stomach, he opened the closet very, very surely. Halfway through he closely peered around looking for either a luminous character or a whitish shape. He saw none. He opened the closet fully. With still an arm of courage he scoured and tussled the clothes around to get what he needed. Like an irritated accountant looking for lost account sheets and logbooks the clothes flew one, sometimes two, out of the closet and onto the floor. Frantic. Anxious. What must be done must be done!


And finally, he tapped on something made of plastic.


Is this the one that they were looking for?


Is this what will save them finally from the hopes of seeing a ghoulish being from appearing out of nowhere?


Is this what they think it is?


The younger child thrust it up with force and strength. With a smile on the child's lips the emergency light was finally unveiled.  


The young one eagerly held it up with pride and full ego. Their lives would be saved. For the time being. With excitement now crossing through his every vein rather than fear earlier. A turn on the switch would mean the world to them!


Hooray for the inventor of light!


Hooray for the inventor of florescent light!


Hooray for the inventor of the emergency light!


They were jumping for joy. Overwhelmed. Simply overwhelmed. 


And for the finale, a mere switch will make them see the world as a better place again.


Pzzt.


One by one, the home finally had lights once again.

The Hell Week That Was...

It was hell week for me. Yes, call it an emotional turmoil or distress. How I got out? I'm also still wondering .


Well yeah, I had people to talk to but that's it, come confrontation time and I tell them I'm fine. It's weird that I actually want to talk to someone about what bothers me most but my mind is telling me that I can handle it and I don't want to bother them anymore with my complaints, struggles and problems with life and living. I was even surprised when a blogger called me and out of nowhere I told him why my world was wracked on the worst of ways. After the call I was like WTF?! Did I just ranted over the phone during an international call? So to you, I apologize. I was being insensitive. Thank you for the call and the comfort. It was nice hearing your voice again. And B's voice too! :)


You know how I got stressed at the first day of the work week? Okay, here goes, it's not much but it took my insight to the highest level. Seriously, dude.


(Hahaha! I felt so straight on my last sentence)


Monday morning. I was happily doing my client rounds in the clinic while singing Beautiful by Christina Aguilera while the deers, rabbits, moose, antelopes, bears, raccoons, squirrels, canary birds, and owls were singing with me. 


(Snow White is datchu?)


Kidding. I was simply doing my routine for the morning when suddenly a friend of mine called over the phone:


Friend: Hey Guyrony!


Me: Hello, hello baby you called? I can't hear a thing. I have got no service in the club you see, you see. 


Hahaha! Sorry, kidding again.


Me: Hey M! Zup?


M: Nothing much. Me and bf went to Trinoma yesterday, spent quality time. We had a lot of fun together. I could really say that I love him now more than ever.


Me: Really? Good for you! See, you guys are really meant for each other.


M: Haha! Thanks. Oh yeah, saw Kalv with another guy, I think the guy is as tall as him, looks like his classmate.


(Shocked but kept composure)


Me: Really? That's nice.


M: Yeah, we saw them while bf and I were roaming around. Didn't say hi anymore. The guy really looked like  his classmate.


Me: Oookay. So, how was your day yesterday?


M: We just spent time in Trinoma and bonded together, pretty much that. Really happy with bf and I and yeah, saw Kalv.


(Hella pissed off)


Me: Wait, why do you have to keep telling me you saw him? 


M: Well I'm just informing you.


Me: Well you know I don't mind anymore. If it's a classmate or a friend or a date. I don't think I would care anymore.


(Client coming in for check-up)


Me: Will you excuse me? I gotta do some duties first. talk to you later, thanks!


M: Sure! Alright.


(End of mobile conversation)


Of course I was fuming mad! Not at my friend but at Kalv. See? I got out of the denial stage fast but still in stage of anger until this time and it has been nearly a month since we broke up. Call me dysfunctional. Whatever. And soon enough, like what I predicted, I already conjured, concocted, devised multiple questions in my mind.


Who was that guy?


Was he a classmate? Maybe.


A date? Could be.


A classmate? But he goes home every Saturday after class at 5pm? And he lives down south. And that was a Sunday.


Maybe a friend? You know what Guyrony, maybe.


Were they sweet together? I don't know, M didn't say anything.


Were they affectionate? Again, speculations dear Guyrony.


Is this the guy he replaced me with? Who knows, right?


You see I have this history, well, not history because it's still ongoing but what I'm saying is that I'm a very suspicious person. Not yet to the point of paranoia because that would be scary but you know, suspicious. So I really can't help but get stressed-out and unmotivated. I felt gloomy after ending our conversation.  


I immediately texted K because I felt overwhelmed by my emotions, raging.


Is it bitterness if let's say a friend saw your ex in a mall with someone and you suddenly felt sad for yourself?


And K answered.


Well it's all in the matter of thinking. We are after all human and at the back of your mind you're asking, why does he have to be happy first?


And you know what? He is precisely correct.


Why does someone who broke your heart have to feel happiness first? Your ego was hurt, your pride was smashed and your face was slapped  repeatedly and yet, he's happy and I'm here moping and gloating? 


Honestly, the world seemed too unfair that time. Too unfair ever since waking up one day you questioned your existence and purpose. 


So bottom line is it got me into a whole frenzy. Not good. But at the same time I tested myself how I fare to the world. How much coping have I learned over the years of adjusting and re-adjusting. Falling apart and picking myself from pieces again.


And the end result is, I'm way, way, way better now.


But of course in every problem encountered there is a resolution. For now I'm gonna be living clean. well, cleaner than last time. No hook-ups, no flirting, no boys, no men. Conclusion: no sex. Dates are fine but nothing more than that. Nothing romantic.


Abstinence is the word. Abstain from everything sinful. Sinful in a sense that I would be hurt again.


The most important thing I have learned is that no matter how painful a break-up can be, you can still love greatly again. 


For what is the use of the heart if not used completely?


Thank you. For everything. Really.




















P.S. Is oral sex considered sex? Hmmm...fine, no penetrative sex. 


Much better Guyrony, much better. I love how my mind and my head compromise.

Mind-set

When the winds have howled


The lightning has struck


When the thunders have roared


And the rain has poured


There you will see the brightest sun and how proudly it shines.

Something to Ponder About

To Deny is To Blind Yourself.


To Ignore is To Deafen Yourself.


To Fight is To Mute Yourself.


To Flee is To Cripple Yourself.


To Accept is To Heal Yourself.


There are things in life that just needs more time than usual...

A Family Portrait

The children climbed up their beds with excitement. 


Another day has passed. 


Another will follow. 


As they checked their freshly brushed mouths, neatly-combed hair, and newly-donned suits for the night. They keep on looking at each other and was thinking that something is amiss, something is not right and something is lacking. Then suddenly, their mother came in the room with such gentleness and near silence. She smiled with compassion, with effort, with filial love. And without haste she gestured an embrace, that is when the children finally knew what was incomplete for the chilly night. They joyfully climbed down their beds ignoring how each moment will take away their precious slumber.


Quietly, all three of them knelt by the bed. With hands clasped, heads bowed and lips closed they prayed in silent connection.


They prayed for a better tomorrow, for a better life, for a better education, for better packed lunch, for better lesson understanding, for better classmate rough-housing, for better teachers' patience, for better homework non-existence, for better star marks and recognition, for better unsolicited recitations and quizzes, for better leg muscles when one is asked to stand upon not being able to answer, for better pride when classmates stare for telling the wrong answer, for better grades, for better next day dinner, for better nap after school, for better treatment of the household help, for better love and care of parents to each other, for better ideas on spending the allotted time for playing in the afternoon, for better safety of the parents going home from work, for a better world than today, for a better sleep than yesterday.


And with a sign of the cross and a quick peck on the cheek, the children returned to their battle stations ready for their foe, Mr. Sandman and his magic sand.


Blankets unfolded and pillows fluffed nicely, the children waited for the door to be closed for the night. 


The moon watching their every move and the stars lighting their slightly darken room.  

Fisher Men

"A person like him is a rare find like finding the blackest hue of pearl among trenches. You're lucky you don't dive that deep to find someone who fancy you."


This was told to me by a friend over Facebook the other day. It's a statement alright but it's a statement that rose from a personal basis. You see this friend of mine, Mocchi, is cute but a little on the heavy side. He had two relationships that he considers not serious. For the longest time he doesn't date random guys unless he's an acquaintance or referred by a friend. That is why his world seemed to be shaken when he dated an out of nowhere, unknown guy hanging by the mall.


"He's different from the guys that I dated and went out with. And I know it's just one date but I know there's something." He quickly added to our conversation.


The ignorance proves that there is optimism still embedded within one's mind. Lack of experience is simultaneously an advantage and a disadvantage.


Just because people perceive you as good-looking does not necessarily mean you get everything you want.


On the contrary, most of the time, people get what they want from them. 


End of conversation.

About the Ball, the Book Launch and The Booze Parade

Well, well, well it seems blogger boy Guyrony got his dose of weekly socialization engagements?


Look how the tables have finally turned out. And people thought you were living under a rock, hibernating again.


From a very exciting, highly-anticipated and very controversial masquerade party. To a hype-inducing, humor-filling and well-attended gathering for the book launch. And finally, the rip-roaring, fun-filling and alcohol-inducing Midyear party.


Oh yes, love life and sex life maybe zero but your social life is back on track. No worries, I'll keep the two still running soon but for now life ain't that worst at all. :)


There are no words to describe the event last night, everyone was just in high spirit due to the culprit that is Soju. Oh yes, we go back to the culprit way back January of this year when the Soju was the highlight of the whole ruckus. Misdemeanors may or may not be included. Or lasciviousness and mischief. Haha.


I arrived about 10pm. The place was already filling with quite some familiar faces and noises. It was nice seeing some of them again after a long time. I shook hands, exchanged embraces and made a series of hi's and hello's before proceeding to the initiation area. The bar.


The bar was already filled with people all waiting for the devil that had been making all the people salivate from the time the event was posted and organized online. I inched closer to the area where people communicated like high school friends having a reunion. Their laughs are infectious and their dispositions are highly-communicable. I moved closer to get the feel of the whole scenario.


"What will it be?" Asked my ever amiable corporate friend.


"Coke zero please!" I smilingly replied.


After placing two pieces of ice in a cup and filling it three-fourths full I grabbed it with my right hand and gulped it in one go.


"You have to be given the initiation rite." Migs said firmly.


And so with a shot glass in his hand and a bottle of that delectable yet traitor Soju I had no choice but to give in. Who am I to resist such temptation?


I took it in my mouth, it was clean and crisp but I know that its effects are far from safe. I know myself, I know alcohol, I know its consequences on a weak drinker like me.


After six shots of the Korean rice wine I told myself I had enough. Yes, I was tipsy and I was intoxicated and I don't want to embarrass myself acting ridiculous whenever I drink. I did that last time. And that was enough self-humiliation for the month of July.


(wink wink)


When the liquor gets tough one must be tougher. It's an initial reaction getting symptoms from drinking. Good thing there are friends whom I can talk to in and out of the place. I let my rapport skills take me to them. Oh, you good boy you. :)


Parties like these are bound to get a little messy especially in the uhm, kissing department. The latter part showed that to people newbies or party animals alike. There were lip locks by two discreet males, one is more discreet than the other. Let's just say they had a good tongue-lashing by the staircase. What's the clincher? They are bloggers.


And then I met a guy, very lean and cute. Looks really innocent and young. He introduced himself to me and I, on the other hand was smitten by his charm and smile. Oh yes, twinks are my waterloo. Call me Napoleon Bonaparte and I will gladly agree. A little more into the conversation and I learned that he has a boyfriend just around the area. 


WHAT???He then explained how they are in an open relationship. Cool. I was surprised but not shocked because this is something not new to me. Although I haven't been in one but who knows? The world is just full of surprises and people change a part of their principles every now and then to ride the current.


A little more talk and I went out to mingle some more. And there among the attendees, there among the ocean  of gay guys, there among the group of the pink populace I was able to meet his boyfriend. An interesting couple. Three years and still going strong. Oh, I'm not jealous. Well, not yet.


And finally we talk about those significant people who made the night more worthy to be attended. The people who fly and flirt around. Quite a few, I myself included but let's not talk about me anymore. After all, I'm not the most flirtatious in the group. Okay, so I'm one of them but just a runner-up.


It takes a lot of courage and tipsiness in order to be effective when flirting. Some actually don't even need to be given Soju in order to flirt, that's just how they were born. Hahaha! The moves, the quick glances, the interests, the stimulating humor all to get a guy into somewhere. It was Hunting 101 all over again complete with demonstration skills.


The party ended with a bang. Four people were left inside the establishment because they were so sleepy to get home. Pooped-out and too tired to leave the place, they decided to rest for the night (or dawn). Sleepy souls left by people who also went home cheerfully and hopefully booked for the night. Ah, the party that gave people headache but with a smile on their lips. Priceless indeed.

The Point Is?

"You haven't spoken to your father yet you're still living in his house, his home. Haven't you given me enough embarrassment already? Do you know how hard it is to grow old without kids? Huh, Guyrony?


I could only imagine her infuriating expression while wickedly peering into the text message she sent to me earlier that day.


Another day, another discrimination. I thought to myself.


Prior to her text there was a commotion involving her, my younger sister, and her girlfriend. My younger sister and her gf are on the verge of breaking-up so what the gf did was to talk to her personally through dropping by our home which is a major taboo according to our parents' imposing rules and regulations. Of course we were more than willing to oblige as far as most circumstances are concerned. This was one of those moments where they really had to talk face-to-face but that's the risk of it. The gf took the risk.


Instances like this rattle the most insensitive person at home which is me. I can't stand the fact that even if I stand, I would still be hushed, crushed and be reprimanded accordingly.


"Mom, I understand what you mean, you have a very good point. I acknowledge, respect and honor that. However, I think this needs to be tackled more personally than through text. If you have the time, talk to us what bothers you most."


-this was my reply to her.


You don't provoke to make a point. You never provoke to make a point.

Reputations and Repetitions

"The gay world is getting small but you're making it smaller."


A friend told me while he was driving and it struck a chord in my guilt area.


I was caught off guard. We were just having a good laugh and suddenly he pulls a good one on me.


Did I really made it just a wee bit smaller?


I did and I didn't even think hard just to catch what he means.


One guy I kissed is included in his inner circle of friends.


Flirt. 


The five letter word kept repeating over and over again


It used to affect me a lot being labeled as that but now it didn't bother me much anymore. It's a fact and I'm not denying it.


K driving towards the venue made me realize that I was not what I am now: a transformed character written, directed and played out of curiosity and life experiences from both sexes. The affectation of the self, the family, the society played an integral role which made me form another question: What affected me more? Myself or the others? 


I leave that question hanging for I have no concrete answer to that yet.


We arrived at the venue about five o' clock in the afternoon and the people already piled up from the entrance to the stage. A gathering for the much-awaited books for the year. The Threesome.


K and I went in squeezing through every crevice there is towards the front, apparently K edited one of the books so he needs to be there to show support and to show that we actually attended despite coming in late.


I immediately went to the area where I saw some friends of mine and quickly mingled. And what do you know? They Knew What I Did Last Party. Hahaha! They were teasing me and insulting me. The blog world is really amazing! How one blog post can spread from one blogger to another. Forget Twitter. This is up to date news at its finest!


Tracking back from when I started opening my channel to a lot of people they always see me as this quiet, soft-spoken, shy, little guy hailing from the South. That was September of last year and it wouldn't be the same again.


From the self-description of myself to how people I got acquainted months ago. I was so wrong. I was actually in the running as one of the most flirtatious person in the group. Nyahahaha! Like what I said, who would have thought that the transformation is going to be so extreme. From prim and proper shy guy to suave and hard-core gay guy. I don't know if my market value appreciated. It doesn't matter nowadays. I'm single. That's it.


So I leave the judgment and perception to people. I leave it to people who know me well or know me not so much. I give the credit to people I interact on a daily, weekly, monthly, semi-annual and annual basis. I surrender my image to those who can or can't, will or won't understand me.


After all, we all have reputations to create and destroy. ;)

Mid-year Mania

BAM!


Two rounds, two different drinks, two masks, two smiles, too good to be true, too evil to be untrue. As with every drinker, the threshold has already been achieved. I was, woozy and already tipsy from the alcohol binge. I barely drink liquor. Believe me, others have tried but failed to offer me even the most sumptuous there is.


The party heated and the guys were rolling inside the room like a casino player winning in a slot machine. Hot, hotter, hottest. A great representation of comparison of adjectives.


There is no denying that these people aren't just party goers. They are the party goers. Obviously, from the way they mingle, they know their way into everyone even if you're a complete stranger.


Unfortunately as much as I want to mingle, the poison is creeping into my neurologic system slowly taking over my mind without asking permission, when suddenly, my wild side rose...


Good thing is that J and B came about past one in the morning because of them my wild side got restrained, the animal got locked up, the tiger got temporarily tamed. My saviors for the time being.


By this time the room was heating up, literally due to the population of the crowd. Men, sweat, alcohol, glitter, glam. Lethal combination of an urge too good to resist.


Two thirty came and J decided he badly needs to sleep while B was itching to go to Malate that time. Oh no, I was left alone again and this time I wouldn't even call a night without a prowl. The tiger, like all wild animals aren't meant to be domesticated. :)


And with solo flight mode turned on I quickly check faces albeit without the masks. I bumped into a familiar blogger and got quickly reacquainted, connected, shared ideas, jokes, whatever we can share, we share it. I tell you we were like buddies in the midst of groups of crowds. Apparently, he was already a little drunk when he came, the drunkard fool got ahead and went into a drinking session with his other buddies. So that's why he looked so euphorically sleepy that time. Hahaha!


For a moment there I needed to go to the men's room to take a leak and freshen up. I realized that I was already looking a lot wasted with the influence of alcohol. When I came out of the john I saw a friend of the celebrant looking in my direction. I quickly looked in front of the mirror and adjusted my cap. That time, I had no intentions of hooking-up more so a friend of the celebrant. He came closer, I smiled and then suddenly he locked his lips into mine! I was surprised. I was provoked. Yet, I gave in. A kiss after all is just a kiss without meaning at all.


After a quick lip lock I pushed him slightly away saying that there are still a lot of people out and we might get caught. And so with every person there is a different implication of statements. He took it to his own perspective and the guy held my body and led me to an unoccupied dark room. We kissed, locked lips, and shared breaths. When we heard one of his friends looking for him stopped the act, it was just too much for me. Even for me.


I came out of the powder room looking more wasted than when I went in. Camouflaged back in the crowd back for more hunts, I guess.


What's funny is that I went into the men's room again to take a leak (alcohol makes my kidneys so happy to function). When I went out to fix myself and wash my hands, another guy, one who came early for the party, looked into my eyes with fire. He had no hesitation in his eyes, he was serious. For a brief moment I felt like Bella ready to be pounced by Jacob (I swear I'm laughing while I'm typing this). He kissed me more forcefully but it was still tender and firm. Another man, another giving in.


The kiss lasted for seconds. I left and went back to the room and this time I was feeling heavier. I needed to doze off. But the taste of their kiss and their alcohol-infused breaths lingered in my mouth and in my lips even when I left the party near noon time. 


I sat at the back of the van thinking all throughout the journey, did I really do all those? 


And with conviction and veracity I tell myself: yes, Guyrony, yes you really did. 


Don't you think the juiciest part of the party is always the after party?  ;)

Something to Ponder About

Accept and Forgive.




Because You and I Once Shared the Same World Together.




-Ex

Mid-year Mania

Who would have thought that the masquerade ball would heighten to such grandiose proportions?

I did. I definitely did.

Given the celebrant's reputation of being sophisticated, glitzy and posh, a guy like me wouldn't even dare wearing a tee from Topman and Levi's Skinny Jeans. Oh no, that would be social murder in which I have no plans of killing, myself.

But let us leave the outfit for those who saw me attend, after all, everyone's a critic. I may have looked my best but I may be a fashion drab to some of them. 

I was a lion: brave, gallant, and poised to the nth level. Walking along Vito Cruz towards the hotel made me feel like King of the Jungle. I turned into a fluffy pussycat upon entering the hotel's hulking driveway. I was anxious.

The gate opens at 12:01am.

Yet I was there about 11:45pm. Talk about being too excited for a party whom you barely know people. The hotel lobby served as my hang-out place till the clock strikes midnight.

And a minute passed after midnight, I didn't see much alight the elevator save for three people with gift bags. I knew they were going towards my destination. The outfit says it all and I can smell them from afar. One of them looked my direction and I looked away. It wasn't time for them to see me without the mask.

And the masks will reveal who you are by 1:00am.

Walking ever so quietly along the fourth floor towards the room I should know that parties like these are bound to be noisy, a little too noisy for the other inhabitants. I knocked on the room given, the celebrant greeted me with his authentic bravado and charm. I immediately felt like one of the privileged few guests.

The crowd, although few were in groups. I placed myself near a table adjacent the sofa where a couple smiled at me upon seeing me wearing a mask. I smiled back with much shyness.

The wallflower in me bloomed again just like the first house party I attended and this time it grew roots. I can't seem to interact with people. I had for that occasion developed skill similar to mutism. Scrutinizing faces across the room, I knew I was alone in the meantime until J drops by and would be willing to start a conversation with me.

A celebrant's friend offered me something to drink. 


Curiosity killed the cat, I was merely questioning the name of the drink. Although it didn't register, I know this will be a long, long, long party. I drank it without much inhibition. It tasted pretty wicked like an addictive poison. The first round was a success. But the mouth is not satisfied yet, the taste still has its undaunting nature, I obtained another serving just to make sure. The alcohol slid inside the throat smoothly there was a slight feeling of heat but nothing compared to the next series of events.






To be juicily continued...

Mid-year Mania

And so it happened.


Je ne sais quoi. 


Messieurs and Mademoiselles arrived with a slight hint of being so fashionably late. RSVP's and VIP's all included. Everyone who's in made it. Gatecrashers and party poopers not included.


Oh yes, the door opened just a minute after midnight wherein Cinderella can't even join us. Too bad for her. Fortunately, there are far prettier and more gorgeous Cinderellas in the room. 


The room was overflowing with fashionistas. Everyone wore their best designer clothes and their best smiles. From high-cut one of a kind sneakers to skinny, iridescent jeans, to graphic designed slim fit tees, everyone has something to offer. Who would have thought that I wouldn't be able to keep up with them. The notion of a masquerade ball just made me thought of custom-fitted tuxedos and dresses worthy to be branded couture. Thankfully I was able to save face. Yes, I took the theme literally, knowing posh people, who wouldn't want to wear something formal and lavish? 


To even say good-lookers is an understatement, it's an insult, a mockery of the attendees. It was better than expected. There were far better than good-looking. I, for one can't stop glancing around the crowd. The spy in me stealthily stole glances of anyone to everyone. Even women were a sight to behold.


And the masks, the masks says it all. The mystique, the enigma, the secret behind those alluring masks gave it such a wonderful aura of a top-secret profile. Enough to make you feel so irresistibly magnetized: whether it be a person or persons, you take your best pick.


With every party and every special event there is nothing more expected than the assortment of alcohol. The culprit of which many went home longing for something. Maybe, just maybe, more than that poisonous and erotic whiff of liquor. 


And of course who would even forget the reason for the celebration, the reason for the glamorous party, the reason for the death-defying wait; the celebrant himself with his exuberant, narcissistic, histrionic, Lady Gaga inspired mask. The way it curved around his near perfect face and how the flower accentuated and boldly expressed his special day. His mask, was the mask to beat after all.








To be juicily continued... ;)

Something to Ponder About

There will always be two sides of a break-up story.




Your fault or,




His fault.

Subjectively Speaking

And with change I tried my best to open my mind to the bigger, more important, more valued ideas. With the vastness one's mind can offer I have learned that possibilities can end when you put a halt to one's philosophies and principles, beliefs and creations, imaginations and thoughts.


Being gay I think it is innate for us to be the more flexible, more adjusting type of people. Don't even think of it it's because of social discrimination, it may or it may not have been contributed by such. But it is an advantage for us because we get to see the world on a higher platform; of a better view, of a clearer view, of a more wondrous view. We get to see the world where there is glamor, fabulousness, glitter, gold, shining, shimmering splendid. Hahahaha! 


After meeting guys in G4M, I started getting serious. True, it's difficult to look for someone serious in that networking site but nevertheless it wasn't impossible. I was able to meet a great guy. We became partners. Suffice to say, those sites were never meant to be for long-term commitments but there are people looking. Go with the flow and date.


From there loomed an interest to just be who you are, place your best foot forward without masking your personality and character. If it works then go for it, if it doesn't then go for it as well. Don't limit yourself to what is seen, use all of your senses - see, feel, smell, hear, and taste. Shatter discrimination, shatter judgement, shatter narrow-mindedness. Don't just convince through words, act on it, be an example.


Psychology books, Psychiatric books, meeting of people, meeting of groups, meeting of couples, meeting of individuals, it all helped me shape up for what may be better on understanding the superficialities and facades of people. In return, I have become a human sponge inculcating problems of others. I tell them it's healthy to vent out to people especially those you trust your problems too. Sure, it's ranting in a more dignified level but the point is you're not bottling it up within yourself which may place your mind and body into deterioration.


To be subjective is to have an opinion, what you perceive, what you think. To be subjective is also limiting. Accept that people has flaws they can and can not erase. Accept that people can judge you from your first encounter. Accept that one is entitled to a voice, a strong or a weak one. Accept that people will not always be what you want them to be.


But the best experience one can get from this game called gay life are the options it offers.


P.S. I remembered one of our reviewers telling us that there are only two reasons why one wants to become a Psychiatric Nurse: 


1) is to prove something to others or,


2) is that you're gay. 




Ta-da! What do you know,I'm both! ;)




Part 3

Club JO

This day marks our 12th day of being committed and my optimism is waning every minute. 


I came into the committing scene with a very aggressive, possessive, demanding aura. What I want, I get. What I say to you, you follow. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some Nazi leader out to control your life and if insolence occurs then I place your head in the hands of a masked ax-wielding guy. I have always been neutral in most occasions, I can be submissive and I can be dominant. But sometimes, it's time you tell your partner that there are just some things you have to work together in order to make your lives a bit more fulfilling. Compromises, right?


Apparently, when Monday came his texts got scarcer, the sweet messages became more civil, the mushy volleys became nearly extinct. Now talk about drastic! So it got me into a whole spin of WTF??? Normally, sudden changes in behavior both in personal and impersonal aspects are acceptable. I could even say that I am someone who does this just because I think there is a need to perhaps, lie low or just let him miss you more. Initially, he would reply ASAP even if there's a class going on or perhaps will tell me that he'll text me after class but none, nada, zero, zilch. I would always be the one to text him even if classes are way over and he'll always reply with a very friend-like one liner texts. Cool. I'll get used to this. Yes, if he wants to be a friend of mine!


Counting from his last text, it's already more than half a day of no texts from him. I've texted and called him but to no avail. Is it that hard to make a reply that he's so damn busy so don't bother him now? Fine, he's a med student blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. That's not an excuse. Would you make that always as an excuse? 


An update would be fine with me, I'm not asking to provide me what you can not offer, after all I want you to succeed in life. That's the best I can wish for you.


I have said this once and I'm gonna say it again: I am Pathetic and Gullible but never Stupid.


So yeah, I'm already on the brink of being jaded-out from this relationship (or whatever we have) status.


I wanna run as President of this Jaded-out Club. :)




Discontinued.