Of Beauty And Tragedy

“He asked me to go out with him, and I did. We were both dating people exclusively that time. But I still decided to meet him.”

Javi proceeded.

“After two months of going out, he told me we should turn this into a serious relationship. I, on the other hand, was not thinking it would actually be that serious. I was young then. You do know how that feels?”

 I nodded while my hands were on top of a bottle of a juice I just drank, with my chin resting on top of my hands.

“After that…everything changed.”

 He spaced out again.

A few moments passed, he looked at me.

“Um, where were we?”

“How your relationship turned serious.” I replied.

“Ah…I’m sorry G, sometimes I can’t help it.”

“It’s okay Javi. I understand where you’re coming from.”

“You know what G?”

“What?”

 “Aside from the people close to me, you’re actually the first person I told this story.”

 I laughed. “Nice and someone from Planet Romeo. Who would have thought?” And I smiled at him.

“I know right.” He smiled back.

“Within the 10 years that we shared, we always had a competition. For example, he would buy a watch and I would need to buy something similar in that price range or higher. Usually, we go for the higher. It was always like that, a healthy competition. That, that made the best of us, always aiming higher than each other. I can say G that I wouldn't be the man I am now if it weren't for him. Half of what I have achieved, I owe it all to him.”

“I actually returned his watch collection to their house. I wouldn’t use them. We have more or less the same watches so I brought it back where it truly belongs.”

“Where’d they keep it?”

“That I don’t know G.” He lightly smiled.

 Javi then lit another cigarette, took a puff then placed it again on the ashtray.

 He then lowered his voice and I went a bit closer to him.

“Sometimes, when we’re making love, he would stop in the middle of it and ask me: ‘Do you still love me?’ ‘I do.’ I would always answer him that. Sometimes, I would stop in the middle and ask: ‘Are you still attracted to me?’ ‘Yes, yes I am Javi.’ That’s how he was.”

“You two were made for each other.” I couldn’t help but tell him that.

“People used to think that too, a financially stable couple with a condo in The Fort, a joint account, cars, and dreams. We only needed to get married and have a child to make it complete.”

“One day, he told me he wanted to buy a house. ‘Javi, we’re nearly finished with the condo, let’s buy a house.’ We scouted for nearby places. We were able to find one in Portofino.”

 "Isn’t that far?”

“It’s in Daang-Hari. It’s not really that far.”

“I guess so.”

“Wait.” I interjected. “You told me earlier you’re living with your mom now in Malate. What about your condo?”

“I go there once a month just to pay the bills and fix out some things. I need…” He took a deep breath. “I need someone to accompany me every time I go there. I know I’m moving on, I know that, I have to, but I think I can’t still change the fact that that was where we used to be. My friends begged me to give away his things, shirts, pants, everything. I told them ‘no, everything stays, that is his.' Every one of Sam’s things is in the same order as when we were there.’”

“Are you still going to go ahead with your plans?”

“That’s a good question G. I haven’t really thought about that. Even if I do…” He looked down on his shoes for a moment. “Even if I do, he wouldn’t be there. And for now, I live my life on a daily basis.”

 I wanted to sob, really, I do. What he said was heart-breaking.

Then he smiled and said: “Sometimes I wish that by the time I open the door I would see money on the console table, his share on our joint account 15,000 pesos. That was our deal. That amount every payday.”

“His parents knew that we have a joint account so when he passed away I went into their house one night, I told them the amount, and I asked them: ‘What are you going to do with Sam’s money? I could get my share and I could give you the half.’ His mother just smiled meekly and told me: ‘No, that’s your money, Sam and yours, that is not ours. You decide what you want to do with it.’”

 So what did you do with the account?”

“I kept it alive. Every payday, the same amount, I never forget to put in what we had agreed.”

“I see.” I don’t really know how to react. It was one of those moments that you just want to hear his stories.

“So in your 10-year relationship, it had always been very strong, not like an on, off, on, off thing?”

“Never. What we argue are mostly petty things, I think the worst was where we want to eat.”

“Why is that?”

“Because when he asks me I tell him, how about you, where do you want to eat?”

He laughed.

I smiled at him.

"He usually picks me up after work or vice-versa. Imagine G, he works in Makati and we live in The Fort and he would go to Intramuros just for me." He quickly added.

“Oh, I remembered years ago where an endorser was giving hints at him." His voice became less serious and more ecstatic. "This said endorser is at the prime of his career now. He was flirting around with him even though he knew he has a partner. One time, my boyfriend even invited me to one of their shootings just so this endorser can see that he has a partner. I can still remember that guy, flirting with my boyfriend on the set as if I do not exist.”

“So how’d he stop?”

“This guy sent a note to my boyfriend. And that was the last straw.”

“And you went up to him?”

“Exactly.”

“So you confronted him.”

“Yes, I was holding the note when I came up to him and told him that he already has a partner and he is not interested.”

“Bitchy!!!”

“Of course G.”

“What was his reply to you?”

“He was stunned.”

“Soooo, who’s this actor?”

“I can’t tell you...”

“I hate you!”

As we laughed our hearts I felt at ease with him yet his love story remains one of those I know I will cherish.

 

Part 2 of 3