The Aging Post

It was nearly 10pm. Tuluyan nang lumalim ang gabi subalit nagkukwentuhan pa rin kami.

Typically K would be asleep by then.

This time he stayed.

Marami pa kaming kwento para sa isa't-isa.

"What's next for us dear?" I asked him seriously.

"Hindi ko na rin alam, G. Andami ko nang iniisip na hindi ko naman iniisip before - my parents' health, my sibling, my nieces, my relatives, my friends - ito na yun G, there's no escaping it."

We both sighed.

"Aren't your parents going to retire here?" I asked to continue the flow of our conversation.

"I don't think they will. They have good insurance in the US. Mahihirapan sila dito."

"Ahh..."

"Tama ka. I worry about my parents too. A lot. They're getting older and you know, I got to take care of them more."

"Nakakatawa ano G? A decade ago, hinding-hindi natin pinag-uusapan ang mga ganitong bagay. But look at us now...Retirement, benefits, investments, insurance, check-ups, reimbursements...Kaloko."

K sighed.

"I'm also turning 40 in a few years. The big fucking 40!"

Tumingin siya at nginitian niya ako.

I smiled back.

"I'm turning 33 this year. Thirty-three. We have come a long way."

"We really have." He sipped from his wine. "Pero G, I want to have a child by the time I hit 40."

My eyes widened. "Wait. What?"

"I want to have a child. Someone I can call my own. My very own flesh and blood."

"Teka, saan mo naman ito nakuhang ideya mo? No offense but since you were high school you've been independent. Andito ka na sa Manila simula teenager ka while your parents and sister were in the province. You're probably the most independent guy I know."

"I know. But..." He stopped midway. "I want to have a child." He continued his reason. "And not because we're gay and that I need someone to take care of me when I grow old. Gusto ko lang talagang magkaroon ng anak, the art of nurturing someone. It excites me."

He smiled widely.

"It excites me so much."

I can't understand him.

Because I used to think like him a decade ago.

And when a friend asked why I wanted to have a child, there was no rational, logical and reasonable explanation that came out.

I don't see that in my pipeline now. Perhaps another decade might change my mind.

But who knows?

He went back to his clean laundry and took out another set of socks in which he folded them neatly and placed them inside his drawer once more.

Silence ensued.

"So my sister and I went to this beautiful beach in Florida. We walked atop of this cliff overlooking the ocean. The scenery was just like when we went to Salagdoong: clear aqua blue and green water, the setting sun across the horizon, and the smell of fresh sea salt invigorating the lungs. Dinala ko si Maleficent doon. I wanted to show D the world he never saw in his lifetime. At doon, habang pinagmamasdan namin ang agos ng tubig at buhay, I told my sister everything..."

"And with that I felt...at peace."

He smiled once more.

"G, matulog na tayo. Tomorrow, our fate resumes once more."

I nodded and waved goodbye.

I left his condo and felt a lot of learning and reflection for a beautiful and melancholic but eerily chilly and gloomy Sunday night.

But he knew the happiness of watching. No eye could be clearer or brighter than the eye that had nothing to create, nothing to do but gaze. - Toru Honda, The Decay of the Angel by Yukio Mishima

Final Part