All Grown Up

"I'm fucking 30 years old!" I shouted to myself while reading another Isabel Allende.

Somehow the words "me" and "30" has not sank in yet.

"Hay, trenta ka na," My mind was completely off the novel. I was thinking a lot of things again; I felt I have journeyed long enough, yet looking back, feels like I'm still near shore. Sometimes I feel I've had enough of my journey but most of the time I feel I still have a lot of things to accomplish. Sometimes I really just feel tired yet often I feel energized and relentless. Sometimes I feel like a failure yet sometimes feel like the most successful man in the world.

Napapagod na ako. Yun ang totoo. I've had enough rejections, frustrations, and disappointments in life that I really feel like giving up.

But I also have blessings and achievements as well that I feel must continue.

And life has to go on, no matter how slow the progress is...There is still progress. No matter which angle you look at it.

Saan na ba ako ngayon?

Ano na bang mga nagawa ko ngayon?

Bakit ba andito pa ako ngayon?

"Pero marami pa akong kailangang matutunan," I told myself while slowly closing the book.

Sana nga marami pa.

Maraming, maraming, marami pa.

"Reality doesn't discuss, it simply is." -Mao Zedong, Becoming Madame Mao by Anchee Min