Of Cowardice
I was afraid of the truth.
"But G, I feel pressured." Rob told me over the phone.
"I am not forcing anything Rob. I am happy with how things are, with how we are." I replied.
"But what if you do want something more and I cannot provide you that?"
"Let's just enjoy the moment Rob."
He was introduced by a friend. Initially, we didn't hit it off but the second encounter proved otherwise.
Everything I could have chosen for a guy: a nurse taking his PhD in counseling, an educator who teaches to out-of-school people where I also got involved, a foodie who likes milk tea and caramel popcorn, a muay thai enthusiast, and a man with a good heart. That is what he is
Holding hands inside the movie theater, light touches in milk tea places, short glances in public places. It was as if the world was ours, or perhaps a part of it was ours when we are together.
But I knew something was amiss; something peculiar every time we don't see each other...
He barely communicates.
And I know that for me it was something of an issue because constant communication is a must.
Yet I refused to the idea of him letting go.
"He is not seeing anyone G. He told me so. And I tell you he is one of the nicest person." Vin, our common friend, told me over the phone.
So no one can blame me for having that spark of hope. After all, aren't we all given chances to love again?
There I was being optimistic again...
Part 1
"But G, I feel pressured." Rob told me over the phone.
"I am not forcing anything Rob. I am happy with how things are, with how we are." I replied.
"But what if you do want something more and I cannot provide you that?"
"Let's just enjoy the moment Rob."
He was introduced by a friend. Initially, we didn't hit it off but the second encounter proved otherwise.
Everything I could have chosen for a guy: a nurse taking his PhD in counseling, an educator who teaches to out-of-school people where I also got involved, a foodie who likes milk tea and caramel popcorn, a muay thai enthusiast, and a man with a good heart. That is what he is
Holding hands inside the movie theater, light touches in milk tea places, short glances in public places. It was as if the world was ours, or perhaps a part of it was ours when we are together.
But I knew something was amiss; something peculiar every time we don't see each other...
He barely communicates.
And I know that for me it was something of an issue because constant communication is a must.
Yet I refused to the idea of him letting go.
"He is not seeing anyone G. He told me so. And I tell you he is one of the nicest person." Vin, our common friend, told me over the phone.
So no one can blame me for having that spark of hope. After all, aren't we all given chances to love again?
There I was being optimistic again...
Part 1
tsk. sigh.
ReplyDelete@G: yiiii.. kinilig ako ng mga 86%.. ganyan.. :)
ReplyDelete"...constant communication is a must"
ReplyDelete[1] Define "constant." Once every day? Twice every day? Or at least once every other day? Once a week?
[2] Define "communication." Text? Voice calls? Email?
[3] Then ask yourself, "Bakit ang demanding ko naman sa communication? At bakit hindi issue sa kanya yung constant communication?" What need/want do you seek to assuage with communication? Gusto mo bang mag-pasa load sa kanya?
[4] Do you have trust issues? If so, aren't they your problem, not his?
Some things to think about lang. :-)
mcvie: hahaha @pasaload
ReplyDeleteanyhow.. ganyan din ako eh.. kailangan constant ang pag-uusap if i want a guy (and the guy wants me) to have a certain future.
im paranoid kasi. not hearing from the guy makes me think of a lot of things. maybe naiisip ko lang din yung mga ginagawa ko dati and im thinking na ganun din ang ginagawa nya. but ganun eh. i start demanding and if the guy can't cope, ayoko na lang. mas mahihirapan lang ako in the long run.
@mcvie
ReplyDeleteanswers from the hard way
1) you cannot define 'constant'. you can impose a minimum, but seriously you'll do the minimum just to get by each day?
2) any form of communication. but not of the types like telepathy, whispers to the stars, etc.
@green breaker
3-4) i think pareho kayo, if tama yung pagkakaalala ko na nabanggit na niya yung part 1.5 sakin.
don't expect him not to meet other guys if you yourself is meeting other guys or there was no exclusivity talks
@P, green breaker
kung mag-stop siya at mag-wait ka lang, wala talagang mangyayari. text and call him pa rin paminsan-minsan. give him time. baka hindi talaga text and/or call person si Rob. yes, communication is a 2-way thing, pero 'di natin maiiwasan na may difficulties on either or both sides.
if he is already communicating back then biglang nawala, give the benefit of the doubt. it's not always the case na may kasama siyang iba kaya 'di maka-reply o masagot ang calls; 'di naman siguro siya bum, call center, o 7 eleven. no load, lo-bat, snatched phone, are not impossibilities.
if symptoms persist, siguro 'di talaga siya sure sayo. try the last method, confront him personally.
ps. mcvie and i are true friends that's why we dare say things that you should know even if they might hurt.
for me if you are not really kidding your self when you say "Let's just enjoy the moment," then just do that..
ReplyDeleteBut when the time comes that the vagueness becomes cumbersome, ask yourself if it's still worth the optimism.