Of Cowardice
"I have died everyday waiting for you.
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you.
For a thousand years.
I love you for a thousand more."
As the credits started rolling and the lights opened around the theater, I unwrapped my hand around his.
"He just made me watch a movie I have loathed." I thought to myself. A movie I have watched the first time and never bothered watching the in-between installments.
It was mushy.
It was corny.
It was utterly, romantically ridiculous.
Yet I have enjoyed every minute of it - from the sharing of the caramel popcorn to the holding of the hands to the smacks - I felt jittery every single time.
I looked at him when we went out the theater and I thought I saw happiness. Like all the stresses in his family, his work, had all vanished. I felt the same. And I felt I made him feel that.
"But honey, I feel so intense about him." I told Kane over the phone one day.
"You just met the guy and you feel intense?!" He was surprised.
"I know. I mean it's barely even a month we started going out." I replied. "But I know I shouldn't feel this way. It's not yet right." I further said.
"Well you know how it is..."
"Yeah."
As the days passed by, I was feeling very ambivalent about him: I hate him when he barely communicates and yet wait longingly for the time he communicates with me. He tells me he does have16-hour straight shifts in the hospital and I do understand that.
One day he did not text me the whole day and when I checked my Facebook that night I saw him going for his Muay Thai session.
"It really frustrates me Kane."
"What frustrates you?"
"Him and his lack of communication. It really pisses me off. And I know it's not his issue but I have already opened this to him. Maybe..."
I stopped my thoughts. Deny them.
"You know G, I once met a guy similar to that."
"Oh yeah? What happened to you two?"
"Physically, I can take it but it was emotionally tolling. So if you can adjust and live with that then you two will be fine."
"Hay, I have already told this a million times, I don't like inconsistency."
"Relax, G. Relax."
"I am getting carried away again."
But that is the truth...I am and it seems weird...
Part 2
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you.
For a thousand years.
I love you for a thousand more."
As the credits started rolling and the lights opened around the theater, I unwrapped my hand around his.
"He just made me watch a movie I have loathed." I thought to myself. A movie I have watched the first time and never bothered watching the in-between installments.
It was mushy.
It was corny.
It was utterly, romantically ridiculous.
Yet I have enjoyed every minute of it - from the sharing of the caramel popcorn to the holding of the hands to the smacks - I felt jittery every single time.
I looked at him when we went out the theater and I thought I saw happiness. Like all the stresses in his family, his work, had all vanished. I felt the same. And I felt I made him feel that.
"But honey, I feel so intense about him." I told Kane over the phone one day.
"You just met the guy and you feel intense?!" He was surprised.
"I know. I mean it's barely even a month we started going out." I replied. "But I know I shouldn't feel this way. It's not yet right." I further said.
"Well you know how it is..."
"Yeah."
As the days passed by, I was feeling very ambivalent about him: I hate him when he barely communicates and yet wait longingly for the time he communicates with me. He tells me he does have16-hour straight shifts in the hospital and I do understand that.
One day he did not text me the whole day and when I checked my Facebook that night I saw him going for his Muay Thai session.
"It really frustrates me Kane."
"What frustrates you?"
"Him and his lack of communication. It really pisses me off. And I know it's not his issue but I have already opened this to him. Maybe..."
I stopped my thoughts. Deny them.
"You know G, I once met a guy similar to that."
"Oh yeah? What happened to you two?"
"Physically, I can take it but it was emotionally tolling. So if you can adjust and live with that then you two will be fine."
"Hay, I have already told this a million times, I don't like inconsistency."
"Relax, G. Relax."
"I am getting carried away again."
But that is the truth...I am and it seems weird...
Part 2
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