Tell It To Me Straight

"2015." I can already imagine B grinning with excitement earlier this day.


B and I have only met once but it's as if we have known each other for a long time. Even though we maybe busy with our own lives and we barely talk nowadays, we still do get in touch once or twice in a blue moon.


"Hey G, me and P will be having dinner with our moms tonight." He updated me last Saturday while I was inside a jeep going home.


I read his text and somehow I can't help but feel jealous. I am happy of course but still jealous.


"So how are you feeling about this dinner?" I politely asked.


"Me and P are nervous." B told me. He and P had been going steady for a little less than six months now and things are looking wonderful for them.


"Imagine B, this is a huge step." I texted him with so much delight.


"Some even say it is a milestone, G." Proud and confident of his answer.


I am sure it is. For people who are like us.


The affirmation. The parents' affirmation can be deemed as an important point of validity in being gay, a homosexual, a gay man in search of acceptance. Let's be frank, even the thought of our friends, people closest to us and accepting us can be liberating.


An eye opener.


And sadly not all of us are given a chance like that.


The freedom to be accepted. The feeling of satisfaction. The parents' go signal.


I didn't bother asking B what happened over the weekend, after all these days are rest days.


"So, how'd the dinner go?" I hurriedly typed in the question and immediately sent it to B while I was at work. Honestly, the thought of it still makes me feel ambivalent.


"Me and P were still nervous but thank goodness for our moms who know how to carry the conversation." He made a reply without a minute too soon.


My eyes lit up. There they are, a testament that it is possible, it maybe possible.


And for a minute or two I imagined myself in their place.


What it would be like to finally confirm and tell them I am gay and proud of it.


What it would be like to finally present to them my partner, one I had been in love for the longest time.


What it would be like to finally sit down, talk to them during dinner and let us tell them our story how we met and how we plan for the future.


Isn't that wonderful?


I placed my phone down and closed my eyes. The computer awaited for my input. 


No, give me a minute. I quietly told the computer.


After a while I took my phone again from its place and texted.


"How nice B. Truly I am happy, happy for you. What's next then?" Emphasizing how I wish them all the best. Only the best.


"Thank you G. Just a small problem, he is going to Saudi in a month."


"It's a test B and this will show how strong love and faith really is. How your love and faith really is for each other."


"Yeah, I know. We already had a handful of talks about this. Laughs, cries, plans but in the end I have to give way. I understand why he needs to work abroad." I could somehow feel how our talk shifted. How I could see a small crease of sadness in his lips.


"Well B it is a test."


"Yes. And it's also to show people that LDRs work." B told me in a serious yet lighter fashion. Somehow the mood shifted.


And our conversation went again.


"We'll get wed soon G." I was surprised and amazed. There was nothing I could say. He dropped a big one. One that I couldn't make a reply.


But of course I had to...


"When?"


"I will propose to him first but I already set the year when we will get wed." And it looks like B's smile just got even better.


And of course I could not be any happier not just for them but for me also. Because I know in time, I don't know when, but in time, I shall propose to a man too, my man.