Pet Peeve

I despise guys who grunt inside the gym.









Because it turns me on.




Nyahahahahahaha!

Of Beauty And Tragedy

The sun was setting and we were still seated out the store. I looked at my watch then looked at him.

“Um, Javi?”

“Yes?”

“It’s past 6 and you told me you have a client dinner by 8.”

He looked momentarily at his watch.

“Oh yeah!”

“Shall we?”

“One more stick, please?”

“Go.”

The reason I told him that is because I too had to go home and leave the house by 7 pm, sharp. Any minute more than that and I postpone my gym session. Yes, that’s how my mind works.

He lit another cigarette.

“His brother initially blamed me for his death.”

He began.

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him everything, scene by scene, how everything happened. Even if it means recounting the night he left…”

He puffed his cigar, looked at an open space, and puffed another one.

“That reminds me, how did you tell his parents?”

“I called my brother the moment they took him to the hospital, I told him everything that happened, I told him he needs to go to their house in Binondo, and once he gets there, he’ll tell me when I need to call them.” Javi seemed distant that time. It was painful to go back to those, but I know he needed to. “I waited for his text and when he gave me a ‘go’ signal, I talked to Sam’s mom. ‘Tita, something bad happened to Sam…’ I didn’t tell her that Sam left us but at the end of my story, she asked me ‘Where is his body?’”

He finished another stick. I lost count how many he had, but I didn’t mind, after all, we were strangers who started communicating just earlier that day. He took another one from the pack.

“Let’s get going?” He asked.

“Sure.”

We then started walking towards his car.

“Whenever we go to malls or public places, I can see other gay guys looking at us, well, him. He was a looker. I can see their looks on him, fascination, while they look at me with curiosity. Sam would feel how insecure I can be so if he notices guys looking at us, he would place his arm around my shoulder. And it makes me feel secure.”

“I see.” I looked at him, checking just to make sure he still is okay.

“How did you cope? No professional help?” I inquired.

“I went to the US with three of my closest friends the afternoon he was cremated.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes G. I flew, away from him. I have to. I need to.”

And then he laughed a little.

“I remembered I told my friends who went with me to bring all their money with them because I will shop and spend until I owe them a lot of money so when I come back, I will work hard just to pay them. I will not think of anything just work, just to pay all of what I spent.”

I felt, I felt really sad at that point.

“Have you watched Soltera by Maricel?”

I moved my head from left to right twice.

“Why, what’s in Soltera?”

“There was a scene there where Maricel was just crying her heart out. And I had a moment like that where I was at the bathtub, crying, wailing, crying out every single tear there is. My friends were consoling me, telling me to stop, how could I, G? How could I? Sam was a part of me.”

“I see Javi. It couldn’t be helped. It’s okay to cry sometimes.” I told him that while I looked him in the eye.

“But you know what’s…” He stopped.

“What’s the hardest…”

“What’s the hardest part of it?”

I could see his eyes, it glistened, shimmered.

“It was when Sam was being cremated...” He stopped his sobs.

“I was there and he was being put into the incinerator. That, that was the most excruciating part of my life. The love of my life, burnt to ashes…”

I patted his back. I know how hard it was to tell me that. I truly do.

We were silent for a few minutes, silence that was warranted, silence that needed no more explanation.

“So…” I tried opening a conversation again.

“Where will you go from here Javi?”

“Honestly G, I can’t answer that right now.”

As he went inside his car and waved goodbye, I can feel how he felt lighter while I felt overwhelmed by his story.

Just like a person who lost his path, he will soon learn how to go back to his route. But for now, it doesn’t matter. Soon, when he’ll be able to return to the direction they used to take.

You are beauty,

We are beauty,

We are divine,

Unchanged by time. – Kai Jing, The Bonesetter’s Daughter by Amy Tan

Part 3 of 3

P.S. Javi, I felt compelled to write your story. I don’t know why. I just felt I have to. So if one day you come across this, apologies for that.

Of Beauty And Tragedy

“He asked me to go out with him, and I did. We were both dating people exclusively that time. But I still decided to meet him.”

Javi proceeded.

“After two months of going out, he told me we should turn this into a serious relationship. I, on the other hand, was not thinking it would actually be that serious. I was young then. You do know how that feels?”

 I nodded while my hands were on top of a bottle of a juice I just drank, with my chin resting on top of my hands.

“After that…everything changed.”

 He spaced out again.

A few moments passed, he looked at me.

“Um, where were we?”

“How your relationship turned serious.” I replied.

“Ah…I’m sorry G, sometimes I can’t help it.”

“It’s okay Javi. I understand where you’re coming from.”

“You know what G?”

“What?”

 “Aside from the people close to me, you’re actually the first person I told this story.”

 I laughed. “Nice and someone from Planet Romeo. Who would have thought?” And I smiled at him.

“I know right.” He smiled back.

“Within the 10 years that we shared, we always had a competition. For example, he would buy a watch and I would need to buy something similar in that price range or higher. Usually, we go for the higher. It was always like that, a healthy competition. That, that made the best of us, always aiming higher than each other. I can say G that I wouldn't be the man I am now if it weren't for him. Half of what I have achieved, I owe it all to him.”

“I actually returned his watch collection to their house. I wouldn’t use them. We have more or less the same watches so I brought it back where it truly belongs.”

“Where’d they keep it?”

“That I don’t know G.” He lightly smiled.

 Javi then lit another cigarette, took a puff then placed it again on the ashtray.

 He then lowered his voice and I went a bit closer to him.

“Sometimes, when we’re making love, he would stop in the middle of it and ask me: ‘Do you still love me?’ ‘I do.’ I would always answer him that. Sometimes, I would stop in the middle and ask: ‘Are you still attracted to me?’ ‘Yes, yes I am Javi.’ That’s how he was.”

“You two were made for each other.” I couldn’t help but tell him that.

“People used to think that too, a financially stable couple with a condo in The Fort, a joint account, cars, and dreams. We only needed to get married and have a child to make it complete.”

“One day, he told me he wanted to buy a house. ‘Javi, we’re nearly finished with the condo, let’s buy a house.’ We scouted for nearby places. We were able to find one in Portofino.”

 "Isn’t that far?”

“It’s in Daang-Hari. It’s not really that far.”

“I guess so.”

“Wait.” I interjected. “You told me earlier you’re living with your mom now in Malate. What about your condo?”

“I go there once a month just to pay the bills and fix out some things. I need…” He took a deep breath. “I need someone to accompany me every time I go there. I know I’m moving on, I know that, I have to, but I think I can’t still change the fact that that was where we used to be. My friends begged me to give away his things, shirts, pants, everything. I told them ‘no, everything stays, that is his.' Every one of Sam’s things is in the same order as when we were there.’”

“Are you still going to go ahead with your plans?”

“That’s a good question G. I haven’t really thought about that. Even if I do…” He looked down on his shoes for a moment. “Even if I do, he wouldn’t be there. And for now, I live my life on a daily basis.”

 I wanted to sob, really, I do. What he said was heart-breaking.

Then he smiled and said: “Sometimes I wish that by the time I open the door I would see money on the console table, his share on our joint account 15,000 pesos. That was our deal. That amount every payday.”

“His parents knew that we have a joint account so when he passed away I went into their house one night, I told them the amount, and I asked them: ‘What are you going to do with Sam’s money? I could get my share and I could give you the half.’ His mother just smiled meekly and told me: ‘No, that’s your money, Sam and yours, that is not ours. You decide what you want to do with it.’”

 So what did you do with the account?”

“I kept it alive. Every payday, the same amount, I never forget to put in what we had agreed.”

“I see.” I don’t really know how to react. It was one of those moments that you just want to hear his stories.

“So in your 10-year relationship, it had always been very strong, not like an on, off, on, off thing?”

“Never. What we argue are mostly petty things, I think the worst was where we want to eat.”

“Why is that?”

“Because when he asks me I tell him, how about you, where do you want to eat?”

He laughed.

I smiled at him.

"He usually picks me up after work or vice-versa. Imagine G, he works in Makati and we live in The Fort and he would go to Intramuros just for me." He quickly added.

“Oh, I remembered years ago where an endorser was giving hints at him." His voice became less serious and more ecstatic. "This said endorser is at the prime of his career now. He was flirting around with him even though he knew he has a partner. One time, my boyfriend even invited me to one of their shootings just so this endorser can see that he has a partner. I can still remember that guy, flirting with my boyfriend on the set as if I do not exist.”

“So how’d he stop?”

“This guy sent a note to my boyfriend. And that was the last straw.”

“And you went up to him?”

“Exactly.”

“So you confronted him.”

“Yes, I was holding the note when I came up to him and told him that he already has a partner and he is not interested.”

“Bitchy!!!”

“Of course G.”

“What was his reply to you?”

“He was stunned.”

“Soooo, who’s this actor?”

“I can’t tell you...”

“I hate you!”

As we laughed our hearts I felt at ease with him yet his love story remains one of those I know I will cherish.

 

Part 2 of 3

Of Beauty And Tragedy

Javi, the first guy I met at Planet Romeo looked me in the eye.

“So, does your boyfriend know about this?” Javi asked while driving his car. He would be dropping me off near my area.

“Yes.” I answered without hesitation.


“Well, at least you’re frank about it.” He told me.

A few moments of silence.

“How about you, do you have a partner.” I inquired.

“None.”

“When was the last one?”

“Last year.”

“I see.”

Another moment of silence.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what was…” I paused.

“The cause of our break-up?” He caught my question in mid-air.

“Yes.”

“He died… last year.”

I looked down.

“I, I’m sorry Javi.”

“No, no that’s alright.” He comfortingly told me.

“We were together for 10 years.” He added.

“Ah…”

Being the curious person that I am, I asked what happened.

“We were in Scotland that time. We made a promise to ourselves that we’ll go out of the country at least once a year. Anyway, we were along the countryside that time. We were in a car with the driver and the two of us at the back. Suddenly out of nowhere, a deer or something ran across the road. The driver quickly swerved to avoid it and we were all okay. See?” He showed me his arms. “I don’t even have a scratch in my body.”

“Yeah, I could see that.” I nodded.

"So we were fine. We were able to go to our hotel that night…but…” He paused for a moment and made a deep breath.

“A few hours later, he was having convulsions, and after that he left me… Can you just imagine me in a foreign country with my lifetime partner gone?”

“I couldn't imagine Javi.”

 I could see him, he was focused on the road but his mind wandered.

“Later in the hospital, it was learned that he actually had internal hemorrhage. It was shocking. I wanted us to go to the hospital earlier, but he wouldn’t. I persuaded him, he wouldn’t budge. He don’t want me to worry about him, as I am very protective of him, and him of me.” Javi narrated while I listened intently.

A few minutes passed and we found ourselves seated outside Starbucks. He lit a cigarette.

“So how’d you two meet?”

“I was going to Shenzhen that time and he was too. We were at the airport by the counter to pay for the terminal fee.” He said.

“I was the first to see him. He was tall, like 6’2”, lean, good-looking, chinito. He was a model you know, he did model for SM, Penshoppe, and Bench in the earlier days, but he made a career change.” He puffed his cigarette and placed it on the ashtray.

“I told myself he’s cute, but that was it. I have come to terms that I was an average-looking 5’6” guy, and he was obviously beyond me.” He smiled a little.

“Strangely enough, he was looking at me too. I told myself, maybe he is just looking at my things. So I dissed the idea that he was actually looking at me.”

“Then what happened next?”

“Ah, yes.” He puffed another one from his cigar before continuing.

“We were on the same plane. He was just across the aisle. Funny thing is, we were still both stealing glances at each other.”

He looked at the space where cars passed.

“Landing in Shenzhen, I immediately went to my hotel. Lo and behold, we were booked at the same hotel too!”

He shook his head.

“That morning, while I went into the hotel’s restaurant, I saw him eating breakfast. I told myself I want to ask him out, well, because I was horny at that time.”

 We both laughed.

“I marched my way up to his table and asked if the other seat was taken, to which he replied ‘no’.” “I was really trying hard to start a conversation with him, but to no avail, he was passive. I got frustrated I walked out of the table and went into the bar area. I wrote my room number in a tissue and I literally placed it in front of him. Then I walked away. That was probably the most humiliating thing I ever did.”

I looked into Javi’s eyes and I saw brief happiness.

“So, I was inside the hotel the whole day because of my meetings. I was already sleeping, as I was so tired, when suddenly, I heard a knock on my door.”

“It was him.”

“He said I left a note in front of him and I told him that that was just a joke. But he laughed it off. I asked him to come in. Nothing happened that time. We talked all night and before we went back to the country we made a promise to hang-out with each other.”

He was telling it to me like he was engulfed in a beautiful dream, one where wishes come true.

And then he proceeded.

“Two weeks had passed by the time I arrived in Manila and we had no communication whatsoever. So he completely left my mind already. Then one day, I don’t know if you know beepers?” I nodded. “Well I received a beep from someone and it read ‘Shenzhen’ so I knew whom it came from...”

Part 1 of 3

Perpendicular

"Heyyyy, how are you?" I spoke through my phone's receiver while walking towards home.


"I am good, well, there are moments." My friend replied.


"You know, I am still in shock."


"Me too G. Me too."


"I was shocked mainly because just a few weeks ago you two were, well, inseparable. Talking until the wee hours of the morning, exchanging sweet nothings. The works."

"I actually didn't see this coming. One minute we were talking and being sweet to each other then the next thing I knew he sent me a text and...I had mixed emotions." "I felt frustrated, disappointed, anger, among other things." He continued.

"Who wouldn't be? If I were in your place, I would be too. So when did he text you that? While you were in the office?"

"No, I took a leave. I was actually eating lunch that time."

I gulped.

"Of all the time?!"

"Yeah."

"You know G, what made me sad is the fact that I thought we had it going."

"I know baby, and I know how much you sacrificed. I know you. You were and have always been personal, face-to-face, always there partner. He was miles away. Thousands of miles away. And deep inside, you were bothered but still tried your best."

I sighed.

"Yes. But don't get me wrong, I am sad but this is something I know will take time but not the worst thing that happened. My previous ex was still the most painful."

"I understand. But still, it can be painful."

"It is G. It is."

"So what will happen to you now?"

"Move on."

"Are you two still open for a possibility?"

"We are, but right now, it's more of giving each other some personal space."

"Of course."

"Have you unfollowed him?"

"No, not yet. And he hasn't unfollowed me either."

I gave out a short laugh.

"It's not even called being civil, it's very, um, diplomatic." I quipped.

"Exactly."

We both laughed hysterically.

"But if he does, then that's a confirmatory sign for me." He said.

"Yes, it definitely is, K." I knowingly replied.



They say people come and go in our lives to teach us something, make us learn, educate us of life.

They may not bring about the experiences we wanted it to be, but they have made significant changes. Impacted how we view life on different perspectives.

Aren't we sometimes just that into someone's life, just crossing paths.