The Need to be Wanted

Don't we all have this longing? That somehow after the club lights fade, the check-in time ran out, the lights in the movie house ended, and the facility personnel closes the comfort room there would be someone waiting for us, wanting to be there, simply just be there, for a conversation.


That after all the rigorous gym activities, a stressful day at work, and a more stressful commuting time, there would be someone for us, smiling affectionately, wanting to hold our tired hands.


For years people like us have wondered and wandered what it truly means to be accepted not by the heterosexual community but of the homosexual one.


Aren't you the least bit curious what makes us why we just cannot seem to be fulfilled?


But what is even more of interest is just how much a person can truly endure or partake in order to be accepted.


Doesn't fulfillment and acceptance root from oneself primarily?


Dating back my yesteryears of me being obese, man, that was how I realized how the world can get so harsh and frankly I felt very um, unloved. But that is now in the past and I may not forget them nor is it easy to learn from them but moving on is what I can only do. And that is what I did. I started to lose weight, exercise, eat the right type of foods, did everything to be in tip-top shape but here is the thing, I still felt dissatisfied, like there was still something lacking, and that was when I had a huge realization.


I realized how lonely we can get and how life can be an oxymoron.


I realized how we as gay people can get so too critical, disoriented and confused, overlapping principles of contradiction.


I realized how sadness can overwhelm one and in turn, one seeks to be happy...in a different, erotic type of way.


That is the reason for Grindr, that notorious application. I was not merely using it as a tool for my worldly obsessions, rather, I was seeking answers by mere observation. I was trying to deduce assumptions. I wanted to know more about these men who are logged-in: topless, headless, nearly nude, smiling, smirking, aloof, buff, skinny, bears, dads, of different faces in different places all for the single objective. And I was able to produce a proposition, a hypothetical one.


Sex because it provides temporary intimacy, a thirst, a gripping hunger, a fleeting sentience.


But this is just my mere observation and perhaps also my two cents on those seeking for something long-lasting in that application that everyone is just raving about only a third distance from Facebook and Twitter.


You won't.


For that was never meant to be an avenue for relationships, well, maybe for text relationships but really, nothing deeper than that.


Well then that answered my question. Hence my Grindr is still there yet is still inactive just from the start.


"Well baby, you know what they say, the prettier you are, the more issues you have." As I frankly told my friend over the phone.