Family Untied
"Abortion." Miguel was muttering the word over and over as if chanting.
"Why didn't they just had me aborted?" He was throwing a fit inside himself. Everything is out of sync. Emotions in complete turmoil.
"I was not ready to have you yet, I was still building a career, my own career, one that would provide the best for us." Sophie was calmly explaining to her son about the situation years ago. It was one of those family-talk moments; openness, heartfelt and sincere.
"Well why didn't you do it Mommy?" Asked Miguel the schooler with his pouty lips, tears running down his cheeks and snot forming a number eleven just below his nose.
"Because we thought about it a lot of times and came to a conclusion that it would not be fair to you and it would not be fair to us." Enrico butted in their conversation before it gets out of hand and hurt their little boy more.
"Me and your Mom wanted a family so that's what we made to believe in. Sometimes it's just not the faith of one that matters when other people are affected by a sole decision. Every one has a faith of their own but this is your life we were talking about." Saying all these while wiping away his son's tears with a white handkerchief from his denims' back pocket.
"And look, look what a family we have been!" Miguel smiling sarcastically while cleaning his face over the lavatory.
Turning off the faucet and holding a damp face towel on his right hand, he just realized how he was not drunk anymore. The shaky hands, distorted words and disorganized thoughts were all washed away together with traces of dirt and oil on his face. He was, at that moment, thinking quite clearly. Enough for him to plan what might be ahead.
His future is getting bleak, more blurred. Each passing day seemed a total waste of time and each twenty four hour cycle makes him more distressed than he could ever imagine. He had to plan and he had to do it fast.
Problems were all pouring too fast: a manipulative mother, a bigoted father, an insecure and unreliable sister, a none compensated career, romances gone bad to worst, physical insecurities, binging episodes recurring, gym burn-out, love handles piling, peer pressure. It was madness and it made him more desperate. Stresses, as what he is encountering, just provided him a whole new meaning.
Superficial?
They sure are.
"Appreciate your inner happiness, it's more important than the physique, the riches and the temptations of life. And more importantly, being gay in a superficial world." Daniel, his best friend, would always say this just to convince him that everything is going to be alright, that everything he was thinking are just magnified by the circumstances but stubborn Miguel would persist with his irrational thoughts.
Just when would his irrationality end and start seeing the world on a better light, on a better note?
Pacing restlessly back and forth in his room, Miguel, in his sober state, is concocting a plan...
Part 4
"Why didn't they just had me aborted?" He was throwing a fit inside himself. Everything is out of sync. Emotions in complete turmoil.
"I was not ready to have you yet, I was still building a career, my own career, one that would provide the best for us." Sophie was calmly explaining to her son about the situation years ago. It was one of those family-talk moments; openness, heartfelt and sincere.
"Well why didn't you do it Mommy?" Asked Miguel the schooler with his pouty lips, tears running down his cheeks and snot forming a number eleven just below his nose.
"Because we thought about it a lot of times and came to a conclusion that it would not be fair to you and it would not be fair to us." Enrico butted in their conversation before it gets out of hand and hurt their little boy more.
"Me and your Mom wanted a family so that's what we made to believe in. Sometimes it's just not the faith of one that matters when other people are affected by a sole decision. Every one has a faith of their own but this is your life we were talking about." Saying all these while wiping away his son's tears with a white handkerchief from his denims' back pocket.
"And look, look what a family we have been!" Miguel smiling sarcastically while cleaning his face over the lavatory.
Turning off the faucet and holding a damp face towel on his right hand, he just realized how he was not drunk anymore. The shaky hands, distorted words and disorganized thoughts were all washed away together with traces of dirt and oil on his face. He was, at that moment, thinking quite clearly. Enough for him to plan what might be ahead.
His future is getting bleak, more blurred. Each passing day seemed a total waste of time and each twenty four hour cycle makes him more distressed than he could ever imagine. He had to plan and he had to do it fast.
Problems were all pouring too fast: a manipulative mother, a bigoted father, an insecure and unreliable sister, a none compensated career, romances gone bad to worst, physical insecurities, binging episodes recurring, gym burn-out, love handles piling, peer pressure. It was madness and it made him more desperate. Stresses, as what he is encountering, just provided him a whole new meaning.
Superficial?
They sure are.
"Appreciate your inner happiness, it's more important than the physique, the riches and the temptations of life. And more importantly, being gay in a superficial world." Daniel, his best friend, would always say this just to convince him that everything is going to be alright, that everything he was thinking are just magnified by the circumstances but stubborn Miguel would persist with his irrational thoughts.
Just when would his irrationality end and start seeing the world on a better light, on a better note?
Pacing restlessly back and forth in his room, Miguel, in his sober state, is concocting a plan...
Part 4
waaaaaaaaah. bitin!
ReplyDeletethat's quite heavy
ReplyDeletewow this is full of drama..
ReplyDeletenarecall ko tuloy ung bro ko when he was very dramatic one time, sabi sa mother ko, baket kc pinanganak nyo pa ako? eheheh..