Of Saints and Sinners

It was a cold Sunday night...
 
"I found out two months after being committed. His wife just gave birth to his second child. A boy."
 
Michael, a new acquaintance, narrating his story. We all listened intently.
 
"And what did you do?" I quickly asked.
 
"I was in love. What can I do?" He replied.
 
"But he has wife and kids." I rebutted.
 
"That, that I accepted." He calmly said.
 
"Where'd you guys meet anyway?"
 
"We were working for a video store back then. Although he was working at a different branch. I didn't know he was like us, not only when I came back from my two-month vacation from Macau." He continued. "I told you guys, I was in love with him. He was sweet and nice and kind-hearted."
 
"How'd you guys find time for each other? I mean, isn't it hard competing for his time?"
 
"That was actually not a problem. We even saw each other daily. From 6pm to 9pm. He was mine. All mine. We were even legal in my family's eyes. Spending every time we can in my room."
 
"But in his side?"
 
"That's the thing, G. He introduced me to his wife and kids as his best friend. I remembered I even took care of everything once...from cleaning the house, washing their clothes, taking care of their babies, taking care of his mom. G, I was there. That is how I love him."
 
I looked at him and his expression: his narration speaks of hurt and acceptance at the same time.
 
 
 
 
Part 1

Of Relationship Dynamics

My ate and her girlfriend of 9 years broke up.

"She took her things." My ate told me when she went home last Monday.

"When?" I asked. I had just woken up from my sleep then.

"She left work early and got her things in the house. And then she texted me."

"Oh..." I was speechless.

For the first time in years.

"She said she fell out of love. That's what her text said." My ate continued.

Honestly, I could not think of anything to say to her. I could say "You'll get through it" or "It's going to be alright", but I couldn't. Theirs was different.

Gay and lesbian relationships are quite different, ours are more complicated.

So for the longest time that I had been hearing and experiencing heartbreaks from my gay friends and acquaintances...And let's not forget me. I could not really provide an advise because this is the first time I have encountered such.

Hearing her talk of her relationship fail, for the first time in nearly a decade, made me feel unusual. Unusual because I could not find the words on how to describe my feeling that moment.

I let my ate talk and vent out. That was the most rational thing to do. I can give her my insight and analysis but only if she asks. I do not question. I do not interrupt.

I was already preparing for work that night when she suddenly asked: "Will I be okay, G?"

"You're not right now, but you will be."



Part 1

Missed Opportunities

"I'm sorry but I am not the man you used to know before."

Darwin and I were talking alongside each other on his bed.

"For years, G, I have liked this guy for years." He narrated it without hesitation.

"Yes we've had s*x but that was not why I tried to pursue him." He slowly looked at the ceiling.

I followed looking up as well. "So what happened?" I asked.

"I guess luck just was not on our side. I want to think it that way. The cut is shallower." He continued. "Every time he has a partner, I would be single. Every time I would have a partner, he would be single."

"I see, Darwin." I looked at him, just slightly moving my neck.

"I loved his company. I loved our conversations. We clicked. Yeah. I think that's the best word to describe it."

"Did you ever tell him how you feel?"

"I did. A thousand times. I could not forget. I like him. A lot."

"And?"

"I was rejected. A thousand times too." Darwin laughed. It was empty. Like that of a void he wanted to fill up but could not.

"Then, finally, for years...we were both single! I could not believe it, G. He was ready for a commitment. That was the time."

"But I told him I do not believe in commitments anymore. For a while now. But I left my heart to him. I am happy I did."

We are beings of chances. The more, the merrier they say. And so we forget to take risks because we are comfortable of where we are. In the end, we let chance get the best of us. Or the worst.

Last Part

Closures are meant to be understood. Not questioned.