Of Unfolding A Chapter

Thankful would be the most suitable word to describe this year. Perhaps that is an understatement, perhaps that is just so.

From meeting new people, traversing new places, and finding my loved one, ah yes, this year has been plentiful of memories.

Learning a lot and hopefully putting all of these to good use.

At one point I have learned to have finally let go of feelings that had been quite bothersome. Regrets are man's worst emotional enemy, that is how it is. But I have learned to minimize these. I figured I cannot live on regretting more and accepting less. Life is beautiful, like a well-written novel striking you when you least expect it, astounding you.

I may not say much but I am very thankful of the people around me. I have learned that mutuality is of human nature, yet, I have also learned that you do not expect people to treat you the same way as you treat them, less or more, of various unspoken reasons, that you do not expect someone to make you feel the same way you feel for them, that you had shared a special moment, a bonding, a former connection but that is the magic of interaction, variable.

These people have helped me adjust to the fast-paced environment around.

Do I have trouble adjusting? Frankly, I have.

Do I see it as a problem? Frankly, I do. 

Do I want to always count on them for guidance? No, not anymore.

Perhaps it is time to be man enough to admit how I am really trying my best not to be swayed by indifferences, discrimination, and culture shock.

It is a breath of fresh air thinking that a lot of changes has been made, it amazes me even. For the past year made me realize how I was just missing out so much on some wondrous offerings.

Comfort zones, for the longest time, have kept me at both worlds - sane and a little insane. I promised myself to be bolder and leaping better than last time. Baby steps notwithstanding.

Whew!

Finally, this blog chronicles who I am and what I am as a person. Bad or good, I am truly, truly happy I get to interact with you guys. There is no denying that inasmuch as I want to close this one and start life anew, I just cannot bear to.

To the people who read my thoughts and moments of sense and sensibilities then I say my most heartfelt thanks.

Perhaps one day, we can go out and have some conversation about anything. Yes, even dramas! But let's plan that first.

2012 is just a few sleeps away...it's time to go out with a bang!

Of Christmas Carols

The sun was setting and I had just come home from a day of work. It was a gym day so inasmuch as I want to take a good rest and continue reading Shanghai Girls, I just couldn't.


I hurried inside the house and plopped my bag on the sofa, took off my shirt, went in the bathroom to take off my pants and slipped a pair of boxers, and turned on the TV. Fairly Oddparents was broadcasting that time. A few minutes later I took out my dinner before hitting the gym - three pieces of chicken hotdog and a cup of rice. I placed the hotdogs inside the toaster and set it for 10 minutes and resumed watching the cartoons.


"Whenever I see girls and boys selling lanterns on the street..."


I sighed. I heard it all right and I don't even want to bother myself going out and handing them some coins.


"I remember the child, in the manger as he sleeps..."


But they are persistent kids. Kids who will irritate you until you give them coins.


As they continued their business outside, I realized how time flew by real fast when I was a kid.


I remembered I used to carol too, me, my older sister, and my neighboring friends. It was an annual tradition for us. One of my friends would happily drop by each and every one of our houses and we would form an indispensable group of carolers. The toughest (or maybe the sole) of the bunch. We would go around our part of our subdivision and stand in front of every prospective house and sing our hearts out. I don't even mind being the second voice because honestly I don't have the voice to begin with.


Then I snapped back to reality. And I compared how we used to carol and how kids carol these days.


We used to carol for fun, for comfort, for kicks, and yes, for money too but money was our last option. We didn't care if we made small or big that day. What we were thinking was that we were together, we were singing, laughing, and fooling with each other and being paid for that!


Kids nowadays, first of all, don't sing, they scream. I kid you not. They literally just scream with their pseudo-musical instruments, they scream a few tunes, and voila! They expect you to dole out for their underwhelming performance. And don't even get me started on them buzzing your house even when they literally see the lights off inside.


The joy that bonding friends used to bring when we were small was incomparable. That was what I treasured and what I liked the most about the holidays; because of our busy school schedules, we barely see each other but come Christmas vacation and every night during the holidays, we huddle up and catch up. But kids these days don't even seem to know the reason why they carol. If they think they need to scream, disturb, and pester people because they need to have some money by Christmas, then there really would a problem when they grow up.


As the kids outside and their disturbing performance made a halt and were asking for what their voices were worth, I got my gym bag, got some money from the stack of coins we pile up during caroling time, and gave them five pesos.

The Boldest Move

"I want to kiss boys tonight."

And so it is true, alcohol makes you more courageous.

I whispered bluntly to my boyfriend while sitting inside the videoke room, tipsy.

"Go ahead."

He guffawed slightly.


I held his hand and squeezed it tightly. My love for him does not wane.

He will still be a royalty in my heart.

But last night, last night my carnal instinct went domineering.

There were just some guys too hard to resist. I was ready for the consequences if such might occur after.

Guys I already saw numerous times, guys I just wanted to taste lips and lock mine with.

"So G, reverting back to the old sl** you were?"

My mind snorted while I went outside for boys to tame.

"Why yes I will."

Two guys and just one me.

How can lil' ol' G manage?

And another boy you've met quite a few times.

But remember G, your friend had him first. He was even one of his concubines.

Well it seems your friend looked too busy to be bothered.

Perfect.

But first you grabbed two boys and placed them in the room, sandwiched yourself between them and started kissing the boy on the right, tasting the mix of soju and saliva. And then you made a go for the left guy's lips, smothering yourself with his breath and saliva.

Disgustingly delicious.

I got up from the couch where we made out, I fixed myself, and mingled some more.

And hungry for more.

Eyeing CE from afar made me realize how I wanted to taste him badly.

True, he is cute but his sex appeal exudes overwhelmingly

 I expect nothing short from your expectations.

But it seems fate is not on my side. Moments missed because of my second thoughts and doubts.

Ah, conscience is such a formidable enemy at that time.

I turned away and told myself "May be next time. And when I am ready, I would not hold back anymore."

It was already 4 in the morning, and there I was standing outside the establishment looking at him and his friends. O bar would be their next destination.

He looked at me for the last time, I came near him.

"I want to kiss you but I guess I'm kinda shy with your boyfriend around."

My doubt vanished.

I motioned my finger for him to come me.

I felt his breath hot and moist, and wanting.

And we kissed in front of the establishment, in front of the crowd, and in front of my boyfriend who was a few feet away.

I unlocked my lips from his mouth and let go of my hand from his hand.

Immediately, I turned away and joined the group nearby while he slid inside the cab with K and his gang.

I grabbed my boyfriend's hand then placed my hand across his shoulder.

I returned back to reality.

Pulling Away

Detachment from someone spells only two things,




Denial or Acceptance.

Postpone Gratification

And so, my four-day supposed vacation in Singapore got postponed til, well, I don't know when.


Sigh.


On the other hand, it means I can join the party at 17! Woohoo!

Playlist: Runway Rampage

This is probably my biggest addiction courtesy of The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show which I have been avidly watching since 2006.

Yeah, I'm a complete sucker for these ladies and that's not a bad thing at all!


I mean, come on. The lights, the glitter, the wings, the works!

Every day I try to listen to the runway music when I feel sexy. Okay, so everyday I feel sexy, fine.

Well, I can always assume.

10. Boom Boom Pow by The Black Eyed Peas. The song just feels so good that whenever I hear this song, I feel like Adriana Lima who can make it werq!

9. What's Your Name by Usher. What's your name? Baby, what's your number? Man, I love this song. The first time I heard this one, I played it over and over and over until my ears got tired from it. A good runway song, nonetheless.

8. Bossy by Kelis. I went gaga over this remixed VS version. It has that beat that makes you wanna go thump, thump, thump on a catwalk. I actually realized that aside from this song, only her song Milkshake comes to mind.

7. Teenage Dream by Katy Perry. Hands down, one of my most played songs. Ever.

6. Touch Me by Tiesto. Hell! This was one of the songs I truly, truly had a hard time searching. Firstly, DJ Tiesto usually has manic songs, like manic, non-lyrical songs so I wouldn't have guessed that he actually has a song that's so effin' cool! Okay, I'm exaggerating. But it's true, this song really is something.

5. Beware Of The Dog by Jamelia versus Depeche Mode. Have you heard this song? It's a VS remix of two songs. Now I don't know about Jamelia's song but I have heard Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode where the song was mixed with. Great tune and also has an implication.

4. Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake. Yup. Justin Timberlake. Well it wouldn't be a fashion show without this song, right? I honestly got addicted to watching the VS because of this song. I don't know, there's just something so undeniably hot in this song you feel as if you're Alessandra or Miranda.

3. I Got It From My Mama  by Will.I.Am. This song, this song is the bomb! 'Nuff said.

2. When You Were Young by The Killers. They say the Devil's water it ain't so sweet, you don't have to drink right now, but you can dip your feet, every once in a little while. An absolutely one of my top songs. The rhythm is great. I betcha.

1. Angel by Akon. They aren't called 'angels' for nothing. What better way to cap off this list than to put this song as the chart-topper of my favorite runway song ever? Well I tell you this song is really not just a feel good song but it makes you want to model back and forth your house with this song.


Believe me, I still do!