Puppetry

"Kiss me." He commanded in my ears along the staircase of O just as we were about to leave.


"Kiss me before he sees us." His voice became firmer, more in control.


And so I kissed him just like any other boy in the club kisses - with tongue.


"Delicious." He smiled and licked the right-most crevice of his lips.


Our friend appeared walking from the comfort room, he looked tired, we all were.


He let go of my shirt he pulled earlier to his body.


We smirked and traded quick glances, the three of us sent down to get a cab.


"Let's drink at my place." Our friend told us while waiting for a cab.


"I can't, I have to go home." I told him outright.


"No."


"But..."


"No."


"You know how he is when he is drunk." He told me with a surrendered look on his face


"Fine." I nodded and muttered.


We arrived in our friend's unit in heat.


"Kiss me." His command turned me on, really turned me on.


So I kissed him again, torridly, with more vigor, with more passion.


He removed my shirt and threw it somewhere. He then took his and out it flew also.


This time I placed myself on top of him and he need not ask again, I kissed him. French-kissed him. His lips were warm and moist, tongue so full of energy. He turned around and went on top of me.


He took off the belt of his pants.


"Wait! What are you doing?" Of course I know where this was going. Yet he went mute and proceeded to unbuckle his belt, he stripped off his pants. He was now wearing only his briefs and he now glued his eyes to my pants.


Gulp.


I was a little horrified. I didn't expect it to go all the way, after all, a boy must preserve his body sometimes - maybe this was not the moment for that.


He opened my button, unzipped my fly, and literally forced the pants out of my legs. He now searched for my crotch.


He grabbed me by my hips and pulled my briefs down and started to go down...


"F***." I was biting my lips while he was in between my legs. He looked at me and smiled again. I looked at him, closed my eyes, and bit my lips. It was that great.


He then took off his briefs.


"S*** me." He was that person again, forceful, in power, manipulative.


I looked at him and saw his face. It was demanding, no, ordering me to do it.


I grabbed him by the back and laid him down on bed and there I started a feast for one.


He was moaning violently, his body undulating with the rise and fall of my mouth, his head moving from side to side. After a few minutes, he held my right hand and lead me towards the bed. He was making me bend.


"Hey, I can't. I really can't." I protested looking at him with eyes of pity.


He simply shrugged it off his shoulder.










Part 1

Steps

Learning need not always accompany failing first.

Psyche

If you cannot help yourself then no one can.

The Last Fallen Leaf

"My brother confirmed." Mr. Gray looked straight into my eyes. His voice, passive.

We had just stepped out of the PFW show in SMX. The air around us suddenly went from festive to serious.

"He told it to me when we were hanging-out at a local bar. He was drinking beer while I was drinking juice." He continued.

We guffawed at the thought.

It was during a volunteering act when I first met Mr. Gray and we clicked instantly. That was also the first time when he introduced me to his brother and right then and there I already knew.

His brother is gay.

I told him that that was what I initially felt but I also told him to just let it be, after all, we make our own decisions in life, who we are and who we want to be are ours to execute.

"But G, it can't be. We can't all be gay." He told it to me in a very neutral tone.

"Mr. Gray, you can't control him or anyone else for that matter. Sexuality isn't a lifestyle, it's a life."

He looked down at my shoes and he smiled.

"I like your shoes, where'd you buy them?"

"Topman."

"Rich kid." He joked.

"Dude, I bought them on sale. I'm not rich. You know where I stand."

Knowing him for quite sometime, he does fend off from sensitive topics such as these.

But I can not blame him. It is difficult being a homosexual more so if the entire brood of siblings are.

After that quick conversation he bade off goodbye and I, too, had said farewell.

As the day progressed I can not help but think of him and how he feels for I have been in his situation once and that led me to a lot of thoughts, deep ones, that really involved a lot of self-analysis.

"Hey Mr. Gray I just want you to know I completely understand how you feel and that is absolutely normal." I texted him while lying on my bed finding the most euphemistic words to send.

"Yeah, thanks a lot G. I really appreciate it."

"So how do you feel about it?"

"You know G it's funny how I somehow already knew it but when the time came that he confessed in the most subtle way, it still is hard."

"But of course it will sink in in time. Your brother is happy where he is and so should you be for him. Mr. Gray I know you are in retrospect right now, forming a thin layer of self-blame on yourself for being gay and how all of you are."

"Yeah plus the fact of who will be carrying our surname."

"Ah yes, that inevitable question of continuing lineage. Mr. Gray you are lucky to have understanding parents who still love you three and think that all of you are wonderful gifts for them. For now, that is not of worry, that should be the least of your worries. Time is always changing. In due time Mr. Gray your question will be answered. In due time."

"Thanks G, thanks a lot."

As my eyes started to feel heavy I saw myself asking the same question.

Maybe in time I shall have an answer for myself too...

Because living old and being gay does not mean living alone and being lonely.

Online

I heard you're bored with your life, G.

Tsk, tsk, tsk and I thought everything was going well, too well in fact.

It seems you just can't be contained.

You wild beast, you.

Well, have you told your boyfriend about your little experiment? Your little social experiment?

Really now, a social experiment?

Who are you kidding?

Ah yes, yourself.

You always bewilder me, G, and at the best possible timing.

You really are bored.

Well then are you ready to Grindr?

The Truth Is...

Everyone has an attitude problem,


















it all boils down to the severity.

Of Fallen Masks

Unbeknownst to him we were already acquainted months earlier. And we re-acquainted again at a masquerade party. His masquerade party.


It was the perfect disguise. A mask fits me well for the personal reason to have that anonymity. A cloak for the time being.


Until the need to take it off as part of the whole stint.


So there I was totally exposed from other people, mostly anonymous people.


Amidst my nature of being a wallflower the birthday boy greeted me and made me feel comfortable. It was awkward maybe because we really have not talked just some greetings from previous parties but nothing more, plus the fact that  my initial impression of him being a snob. As minutes passed I was able to sense his genuineness and sincerity...


And that was the start of it all.


After his birthday party we have been updating non-stop - his blog, his day, his work, his men, his take on situations and issues arising, my life, my previous work, my take on certain experiences, or my opinions with his upcoming titles to his blog posts.


We do not really qualify as scratching each other's backs but it is as close as that.


"You know G, I wouldn't be feeling like this if I have my family with me." He looked across the bed with his sleepy, tired, and sad eyes.


"I absolutely know what you mean..." I looked at him, he was still looking distantly.


"You know how I have always told you that my friends are my family here." He slowly slid into the comforter and started to close his eyes.


"I know K, I know." I slid into the comforter too and looked at the ceiling. I placed my hands at the back of my head.


We both sighed.


"That's what M and I  were talking about earlier, G. That I tend to think of problems that sometimes do not need to be one because that is my only issue. That I am still on the search for someone who is just like me." He continued to tell his story while I intently listened.


"Maybe that is why I love N. How he just knows everything and know me so well but at the same time being unpredictable and sweeping me off my feet."


"So you are looking for someone who is like you?"


"Yes. Someone who is like me."


"And N is exactly like you in most ways."


"Yes he is but in some ways, he is not."


"I see."


Sometimes we see ourselves in situations out of our hands yet still try to grasp some of it even if it means going through a process of knowing ourselves more, knowing someone more, knowing people more. For at some point we might encounter it again but this time we can handle it better, handle it with less fragility but still with caution.


"What a weird birthday."


"Well K at least you didn't say what a sad birthday."


And with that we covered ourselves with the warmth of the comforter and went to sleep and rest.


You shall be alright, oui, mes ami?