Gust of Thought

I haven't moved on.

And right now I don't think I have moved on. Surely it's a pessimistic notion to say that. But I say it with veracity. I still love my ex.

And even though he had already moved on and perhaps seeing someone already, it's okay. I have to be happy for him.

Remember that old saying, "If he's happy, so should you be for him?"

So I have to. Because he is now happy. I think.

Distraction, as people say, is the best thing to do when dealing with a break-up. I did distract myself. I immersed myself with good people and shared laughs with new-found acquaintances, opened Grindr to meet new people, dated a few, read books, reflected daily on my daily achievements and worked out almost daily.

It didn't help.

The human mind can be so fickle. More so the human heart.

And I hate it. I hate it that I dread weekends. I hate it that I dread idle time. I hate it that I dread going to places or even seeing places we have been together, even if we just passed through that place.

There will never be anyone like him. He told me that. I believed him. He truly was.

And someday I hope I can find someone like him...

If I can reach someday, though.





“In that moment I understood that the cruelest words in the universe are if only.” - Peony, Peony In Love by Lisa See