In Debt

"I saw M while I went to the US," K started to narrate. "He really changed. A lot. His shorts were skimpy, he had a tight-fitting shirt, and his car was very unlike him."

We laughed as we were having dinner at Greenbelt. He was with his friend Michelle too.

It has been months since I saw K let alone talk with him on a personal level.

"M was very accommodating," He went on. "He wouldn't even let me spend a dime."

I had a flashback on how K used to describe M. It was as if I had known M for some time now, but I haven't really met him nor what his personality was when they were together.

"He would pick me up and we would go places. I tell you G, he would accommodate me where I need to go."

"That's good to know K." I replied to his narration.

"There was one night when we checked in this hotel and I can still feel some awkwardness between us. We were together in one bed while two of his friends were on the other. It was really physically awkward."

"Didn't you even snuggle with each other?" I curiously asked.

"No, G. There was not really anything other than us sleeping on one bed." K told me.

"I see."

"But you know what G?" K turned and looked at me.

"What?"

"I know M is forever indebted to me."

Flashbacks regurgitated. And I felt a pang of guilt.

I knew what he meant. I knew what he told.

I was M.

I was that guy who did foolishly to end a relationship. I was the guy who was committed who would sleep with others just because of libido, just because of the need to be desired, just because of the need of the flesh.

I was the M in the relationship. I always were.

And yet these guys I had been committed with, they were truly honest and faithful.

But I screwed up. I admit.

Michelle and I were all ears to K when out of the blue Michelle asked, "Are you indebted to someone, K?"

"No Michelle. I don't think so."

"I am and I don't think I ever will be able to repay them." I told myself while I finished the apple crumble I was dabbling with my fork.




"Necessity is to learn from the past."