Diary of a Boy - Entry 3

And so it had began. I was seeing Louie every other week while me and Beans would go out the weekend I wouldn't see Louie. I was very careful because Louie lives near Araneta and so does Beans too. So I had to be very cautious.

I was on that deadly cycle again. Louie is a very wonderful person. Believe me, he is everything you could wish for as a partner, but he is very boring. And what I needed was some excitement in my life.

Beans was the excitement of my life, then. He was a fling. Someone I would see even prohibited. Like an illicit drug or something like that. Louie was my partner but Beans was my boytoy.

I do not know if Louie expected a thing or two but I kept it very secretly. Me and Louie would exchange sweet messages and so with Beans and I. He was like a substance I would abuse and Louie would be my bitter pill, an antidote, that I had to swallow.

It wasn't that I do not love Louie. I do. But I'm a fickle-minded gay guy who felt unattractive with no boy to flirt around with.

It feels different with your partner.

Isn't it?

And I will not point fingers because I know people who are like me.

With Beans I felt like I was a young adult again - single, strapless, full of youth virility. Meanwhile with Louie I was a faithful partner, a husband, a loving boyfriend, and attached.

December came, Beans and I would be meeting on a particular weekend, plus Louie and I would be meeting a few hours after that. The complexity just kept piling up. But I chose this. But I don't know what to do?

So I needed a plan...