Of Saints and Sinners

"And?" I was baffled.

"And because he had sponsors."

"Are you serious?"

I looked at his friends' calm reaction.

They knew.

"So let me get this straight, aside from his wife and kids, and you, he also has sponsors?"

"Yes. Two actually. A COO from a private hospital and a Dean from a university."

"And that is totally fine with you?"

"You know, G, at first it was not. Not at all. I nearly begged off our relationship. But I thought about it and looked from his perspective. It's not so bad. I guess. I mean the sponsors are actually a bit old. about 50 plus already." Michael continued while I gazed into his eyes trying to observe further his reactions. "The way I see it, since they're older, I don't think I need to be jealous."

His answer was direct, blunt. He must have thought it through a lot of times.

"So your time from him is 6 to 9pm. When does he meet his 'sponsors?'" I quote-unquoted in mid-air.

"If I call him in the morning, about until 5pm, and he does not answer. I know he is with one of them."

"Man, that is complicated Michael. I swear."

"So what was the string that pulled everything?"

"One day I just realized..." He took a deep breath. "...that I couldn't be his other option anymore."

And those were the words - an option.

"I stopped communicating from texts to calls to social networking sites. I stopped everything."

"Like what I said earlier, there was no closure. I couldn't face him anymore."

"I see."

"It was painful, G. There were nights I couldn't sleep and there were times I just wanted to sleep all day."

"Of course Michael. Six years is six years. A partner is a partner."

Silence surrounded the living room area.

"But that was months ago, nearly a year. I have moved on G."

I wanted to believe him, I really do. But his words, they speak of hurt, of ongoing process.

Of a still open wound.

"So...what if, hypothetically, you accidentally see him and his wife together in a mall, would you go to him and greet him?"

"No."

"I thought you have moved on, Michael?" I interrupted.

He fell silent. A dead one.

"You're contradicting your statements." I told him.

He smiled weakly to me.

And then I smiled back.

And finally finished the Tanduay Ice I was drinking.




Part 3

Of Saints And Sinners

As the night slowly spread more, his story did too.

"He had always been there for me, G. Everytime I needed him, he was there. I think I could not have asked for more."

"But doesn't it bother you that he comes home to his wife and kids after you?"

"At least I know that for our time together, we are happy."

I sighed with exasperation. Here I am trying to understand his point of view, albeit seeing differently, the loser's point of view. Yet, he sees his situation, their situation as if it was the best.

In his eyes, he was the winner. No competition.

"There was a time we were nearly caught. That, I think, was one of the testaments of how strong our relationship is."

"What happened?" I asked with worry.

"He was at our house and his sister came in unexpectedly because obviously there were already doubts coming from his wife." He told us. "We were cuddling on bed when we heard loud knocks on the door."

I changed my sitting position. I felt tense.

"I asked who it was and his sister answered. I panicked a little and told him to hide in my closet. My room was dark and the bag that he used, which was lying on the floor was dark-colored, so his bag was unnoticeable. I am sure his sister was not able to notice it. That was a relief." He continued.

"I hurriedly opened the door and acted as if I had just woken up. 'Hey, just woke up. What is it?' I asked his sister. "I was trying to hide my fear, G."

She told me that his brother is missing and that his wife asked me to check if he is here.

"My fear rose, G. I swear. The fact that the wife actually thought that he's here at home with me alarmed me." Michael shifted positions on his seat. "I told her that Choi did not drop by here and I haven't seen him for a while. However, she insisted."

I held his friend's hand. My date.

Michael anxiously got his phone to call Choi upon the sister's insistence...

"Hay, G! Thankfully it was on silent! It nearly gave me a heart attack! Imagine if it rang in his pocket while hiding in my closet. After a few rings I handed it to her to make sure that no one was picking it up!"

"What happened next?!" I asked.

"She apologized and left."

"You really love him, do you Michael?"

"For nearly six years G. I didn't even think of how complicated our set-up was if not for how he made me happy."

"What made you decide to end it?" I asked again wanting to know more.

"I only decided to end it. But he still does text me, asking me to meet him again..."

"And?"




Part 2