On This Halloween...

Dear Tito,

        How have you been doing? It's been quite awhile since we sat down and talked. How many years has it been, really? Six? Seven? Yeah, I think it's been seven years since we even last saw each other. How time really flies. I can still remember when I used to take a vacation at your house and would always avoid you so as not to do household chores. I know I've been quite a stubborn kid. You know I had always been. I may not be the youngest but I sure think like one. Tito, how is it so far? I hope you're enjoying your stay. Your family? They're great. Your children are all doing very well, all in good shape too. Your oldest grandson, Aaron has just started College, he wants to be a US marine plus he's working part-time at Boston Market. Gosh Tito, if you could just hear him talk, no, he's more of rapping than talking. Asian Eminem. your second oldest grandson, Bopet, wants to be a policeman. Sure, that may not be what you wanted him to be but that's what he wants and we're a family and family always support and assist. O'hana or nobody gets left behind. Your oldest granddaughter is kind of a rebel now, Bambi, she's turning to be quite a lady but at a very delicate stage. This is just between you and me okay, Tito? She smokes. Yup, she even asks us if we have a stick of cigarette or a lighter whenever we get together. Well we could only hope it's just a phase. We don't want her getting caught with the 'C' word by the time she's 25. Oh yeah, Aaron's two younger siblings are growing so fast, Nia and Sophie. I just don't know if you were able to see them but somehow, we wish you did. Two of your granddaughters, Zaryn and Wynette were studying before at St. Scholastica but transferred to Miriam College about a couple of years ago. Both of them are exceptionally talented and gifted just like your son. Zaryn is always on the honor roll and plays the piano, she even has recitals at UP. Wynette on the other hand, is very academically-inclined. She's such a kid! She has what we cousins call a 'generator butt' because she could just go on and on and on without even the feeling of tiredness. They are growing quite beautifully. We just hope they don't end up as coño girls who don't poke, poke a fishball. Hehe.

We really hope you could see them now. They have been lacking a grandfather for quite some time. But we all know it's not what we wanted and wished. Especially when word spread out you were undergoing chemotherapy.

Happy Halloween to you Tito, I can still remember the days when we used to go together as a clan in a cemetery in QC to visit where great grandfather and great grandmother lie. We really miss you very much. You have always been there for us just like a father. A very strict and disciplined father.

And lest I forget,

Happy Birthday to you too. Your 62nd birthday. 

What's your wish on your special day?

Love your nephew,

G

Last Minute Thought

When you feel so powerless over certain experiences.




You just have to remember,




You can't always have your cake and eat it too.

Family Untied

"Abortion." Miguel was muttering the word over and over as if chanting.


"Why didn't they just had me aborted?" He was throwing a fit inside himself. Everything is out of sync. Emotions in complete turmoil.


"I was not ready to have you yet, I was still building a career, my own career, one that would provide the best for us." Sophie was calmly explaining to her son about the situation years ago. It was one of those family-talk moments; openness, heartfelt and sincere.


"Well why didn't you do it Mommy?" Asked Miguel the schooler with his pouty lips, tears running down his cheeks and snot forming a number eleven just below his nose.


"Because we thought about it a lot of times and came to a conclusion that it would not be fair to you and it would not be fair to us." Enrico butted in their conversation before it gets out of hand and hurt their little boy more.


"Me and your Mom wanted a family so that's what we made to believe in. Sometimes it's just not the faith of one that matters when other people are affected by a sole decision. Every one has a faith of their own but this is your life we were talking about." Saying all these while wiping away his son's tears with a white handkerchief from his denims' back pocket.


"And look, look what a family we have been!" Miguel smiling sarcastically while cleaning his face over the lavatory.


Turning off the faucet and holding a damp face towel on his right hand, he just realized how he was not drunk anymore. The shaky hands, distorted words and disorganized thoughts were all washed away together with traces of dirt and oil on his face. He was, at that moment, thinking quite clearly. Enough for him to plan what might be ahead.


His future is getting bleak, more blurred. Each passing day seemed a total waste of time and each twenty four hour cycle makes him more distressed than he could ever imagine. He had to plan and he had to do it fast.


Problems were all pouring too fast: a manipulative mother, a bigoted father, an insecure and unreliable sister, a none compensated career, romances gone bad to worst, physical insecurities, binging episodes recurring, gym burn-out, love handles piling, peer pressure. It was madness and it made him more desperate. Stresses, as what he is encountering, just provided him a whole new meaning.


Superficial?


They sure are.


"Appreciate your inner happiness, it's more important than the physique, the riches and the temptations of life. And more importantly, being gay in a superficial world." Daniel, his best friend, would always say this just to convince him that everything is going to be alright, that everything he was thinking are just magnified by the circumstances but stubborn Miguel would persist with his irrational thoughts.


Just when would his irrationality end and start seeing the world on a better light, on a better note?


Pacing restlessly back and forth in his room, Miguel, in his sober state, is concocting a plan...




Part 4

Unraveling

Self-acceptance already broke the silence.

A Good Decision

Aren't you going to Republiq tonight G?


A bar you've been dying to go for months now.


Where you know that beautiful people will be swarming in dozens, clad in designer clothes.


You'll ogle and drool until the break of dawn.


But of course remember the rule; pretty boys don't just stare at other pretty boys.


What's wrong? You don't have anything to wear?


That's odd, you usually mix and match your clothes.


Are you sure that's your main reason?


Or is it because you're going out tomorrow with the guy you met at the club last week?


Be careful G, looks can be deceiving. You know what I mean. ;)


Club boys just don't match that well. It's just like what Heidi Klum says on Project Runway: today you're in, the next day you're out.


Seven days, G. Seven days before the next cycle of boys.


But I guess you're still willing to go on that date of yours.


You're getting too early to fall for someone you barely know. Barely tasted.


Haven't you heard of taking it slow, G?


You've heard of it I'm sure, lots of times, a million times but still that stubborn head of yours won't listen.


What's the use of your head then? For oral s** only?


Tsk, tsk, tsk, the things you do for a date.


Oh, I'm not here to give you a good preaching nor tell you to cancel the date altogether.


Just be careful.


And don't forget your KY jelly, just in case.

Of Saturday Pop Boys and Fragile Sunday

Sunday, 20:30, Manila time. Blogger's residence. 

A telephone conversation started in quite the usual way.

K: Hey G, how are you?

G: I'm fine, a little tired and sleepy. How 'bout you?

K: Tired too.

G: What time did you go home from O?

K: Well it was morning already, Miguel and I went to Morato for breakfast.

G: Oh, I see. And then what?

K: Dropped him off his place, went home and slept. So, how about you?

G: I got home about past ten in the morning.

K: And where did you go, baby?

G: To the guy's place of course.

K: And what did you do?

G: Made-out. Hehe. What else would we do?

K: By the way, why didn't you introduce him to me?

G: Well, I know you and your standards.

(Both laughing hysterically)

K: Was it good?

G: What do you mean was it good?

K: The sex?! Was the sex good?

G: Well you know me, oral ones are considered half sex.

(Laughing out again)

G: And you? You were on a roll, a rampage of some sort. 

(naughty grin)

K: Remember, G? Rah-rah boy. Party boy. A Pop boy.

G: Yeah I remembered. And remember, you still have more than a couple of months left. Hahahaha!

K: I thought you would forget!

G: I would never forget. K, I understand you, go ahead, you can have the longest horns and tail but come January, you better have that halo and the diamond-studded wings of yours.

(Chuckled)

K: But you know what?

G: What?

K: Pop boys will always have the Saturdays but today, relationship boys win. You know that feeling? When it's Sunday it's time when couples hang-out at malls, go to churches, buy stuff together.

(Deep sigh)

G: Oh definitely...I was thinking of that too. Always! I was thinking, when Sunday comes, the sun starts to rise and people from O go home, what's next? What now? What do we do now? What makes Sunday so fragile for us?

K: We were thinking of the same thing! And I love the word 'fragile'. Haha! So what's next for us?

G: You know what, I really don't know. It's hard to tell, really. And how about you?

K: Human touch. That's what I badly need now. It's not even sex or anything sensual, I just think I need human touch. I was thinking of getting a massage, what do you think?

(G looking at a clock)

G: It is still early, however, you have to think if it's a need or a want. What do you think it is?

K: Want.

G: Go for it then.

K: And how about you?

G: Guess I'll sleep after this call. No biggie, I had my fair share for today.

K: Oh yes you did. Goodnight baby.

G: Goodnight too K, we'll talk soon.

When Saturday night arrives, the party boys, in full arsenal of clothing plus condoms, hike to the clubs for fun, enjoyment and best of entertainment. With sweaty bodies gyrating and warm human skin touching each other to an arousing level, the only way to go is make the best out of the night.

When Sunday morning arrives with the sun partly rising and most of the world slowly wakes up, the party boys will once again, sleep with bodies stranger to them. A temporary comfort. Quick pleasure. A hook-up. A booked Sunday morning.

When Sunday night arrives, all is left is the body, the bed and the blanket. Alone, for nights to follow again.

"Don't we just wish that that body heat will last longer than expected?"

The Eager Hydrophilic Homo Sapiens

The children woke up with a  twinkle in their eyes. Well, aside from mounds of star dust collecting.


They woke up earlier than usual, quite unusual, frankly. But they had a journey, a trip, a voyage of some sort.


This is the day their Dad promised them a day at a resort.


Having gotten good grades last quarter, their Dad told them he will treat them if they do well on their academics. And so with their perseverance, industriousness, and patience, their efforts finally paid off.


Oh, but they woke up for one not so good reason, they forgot to pack their things last night! Swim wears, towels, extra clothes, sun block lotions, sachets of shampoo and conditioners, bath soaps, floaters, everything! They were so excited yesternight that they spent the entire course of preparing for tomorrow to horse-playing. Their mother disapproved and reminded them tons of times that they should prepare their things so as not to rush in the morning. Well, it seems that their childish spirits overcame and now they are literally rushing.


They were frantically brisk walking inside the house going from closet to closet, cabinet to cabinet and cupboard to cupboard (junk foods and sweets are after all best friends of children) to smack all the essentials  in their cartoon character-inspired school bags. Of course they had to be discreet about it so as not to wake up their snoring and after-work resting parents. They are authority figures slash everyday providers by the way and waking them up with their noises is such a bad idea.


Success! With only minutes to spare before both innately know it is time for their parents shut eyes to be open.


With the scurrying of their little feet they hurried downstairs to take a bath; the older child went in first while the second one went to the comfort room and after the first one was done they switch places, this has always been their usual routine especially if they are in a hurry and in a lot of pressure from the honking of their school bus service in the morning.


There is no time to spare! Breakfast must be done on the road! They tagged their Dad after he was done taking a quick shower and was supposed to sit down for coffee, toast and papers for breakfast.


The two were formidable and in the end their Dad had to taste defeat, hurry up, and get dressed while Mom and the kids were already in the car, all geared up and ready to roll.


It was a fairly quick ride towards Southwoods, an hour the latest. There was no traffic and the cars zoomed side by side making sure to keep their distance. Remember they skipped breakfast? So everyone even their health conscious Mom had to bite into the sodium-laden Tortillos, Dad was chewing on a grape-flavored gum and the children were eating their flat tops. All in the comfort of their car.


The vehicle exited to the right. Seeing the large sign of Southwoods Exit made the children more jittery and excited. This is the first time they would be going there and from what they heard from classmates and friends alike, it was the bomb!


With the slow stopping of the car's engine, the family trailed from the parking lot to the resort.


Beautiful! The kids marveled not the scenery nor the design of the whole place but the long, twisted and totally wicked slides. There were slides that curved to the left, slides that curved to the right, slides that curved like a pretzel, slides that curved like you could get lost in the slides, and slides that have no curves at all. It was pure heaven with a taste of enjoyment and a thrill of a lifetime.


The slides evoked a feeling of uneasiness in them, something that makes them eager to simply run towards any slide they want and scream their hearts' out while gliding down freely but they would have to wait, for they haven't even placed their bags yet nor take a shower for the fun to start.


Each one placed their bags near the wave pool area 'Agos Grandes'. It is a shallow pool, seven feet the deepest, and its main attraction is how it produce waves from a machine. But the kids were never really fond of waves, it reminds them too much of the beach which reminds them also of the salty water and how painful it is to look underneath even if they are wearing their goggles.

Being taught the lesson of scouting - always be prepared - the kids already wore their swim wear so when they arrive at the resort they would just need to take off their casual clothes, hit the shower room and hit the waters. The two ran towards the comfort room to change, with no time to waste and no time for dilly-dallying. And after a minute or two, they were already in full water gear arsenal, picking up the pace, the younger kid tugged the older one into going to the Balsa River, the flowing pool-like waterway going towards the other attraction of the resort. With a splash on the water and carried by green-colored lifesavers, the children closed their eyes and let their mind drift just like the slow and relaxing current. It was quite sunny though and as much as they want to close their eyes and float around, they just could not, there was too much glare going on but they did the best they could to stay away from the bright sun and from sun burn.


Family time had always been restricted solely to eating together on weekends and this was one of those times they could spend quality time with each other's company. The kids knew very well how hectic corporate life, they understood the job description of their parents but of course, they are kids, growing kids who need forms of mutual bonding from care givers. Their Dad indeed suggested a wonderful one taking them to the resort.


The best part though was not how they tried several times the Tausug Trails or how they got scared out of their wits in the Big Bamboo, not how they were so hesitant to try the Magellan's Drop and how the younger one screamed heard across the resort when trying the King Pilipit, it was when the two were going from one place to another, looking for entertainment, and their parents patiently followed them everywhere just making sure that their children would be safe.


The younger one saw it on the Mom's face while staying afloat and the parents stayed on a bridge overlooking the two, the sheer pleasure she was having just seeing her kids have fun.


That, that was how the child remembered that day...

Family Untied

"Pua iyam." The sound, barely audible came from behind the excruciatingly slow opening of the grand door. Miguel in his swirling and nauseating state tried to discern the words.


"Pua iyam." The phrase, difficult to understand yet he knew he already heard it years ago. He knew it is deeply seated at the far reach of his memory.


"Welcome home, you pua iyam." And the monstrous, antique, wooden carved door finally opened in its full glory, with the exquisite dining room seen from a distance, its area large enough to hold twenty, no, even thirty people. With eyes transfixed on the whitish figure in front of him, Miguel rubbed his eyes repeatedly just to make sure he was not dreaming or being caught by hallucination.


The whitish figure luminated like a disco ball hanging at the middle of the club although the one in front of him resembled that of a woman, with the perfect set concaves and convexes. The silhouette remained in front of him for the longest time, its eyes were blank and so were the ears and nose, however, the lips, pursed ever so slightly was intently smiling at Miguel who by then seemed dazed. Little by little the figure stepped closer to the gate, its right hand reaching towards his face. Miguel was now trembling with fear! 


Who or what is this woman doing? He could not speak.


I need to get away! He could not move a single muscle.


Look away, look away! He could not stray his gaze.


The woman cupped his face and, with the sweetest smile she could show she removed her hand from underneath his chin and gave Miguel the strongest slap she can.


With a figure of a hand embedded on his now painful left cheek, Miguel looked dangerously at the woman, he stared that of a devil, his smile that of a psycho.


"What the hell did you just do?" He demanded for a concrete answer. He was already clenching his fists, building with rage.


"I slapped you, you pua iyam." Alexa told him in a fiercely manner.


The word, pua iyam, I could not fathom why it seems significant. Miguel, riddled even interested by the meaning of it, tried hard to search his thoughts. The drug and the alcohol seemed to mix his mind into a fluid of some sort: he had disorganization of thoughts, he had flight of ideas, he had alogia, he had the current mind of a schizophrenia.


But something in those two words made him completely uneasy, uneasy for him to storm into his room while shoving his sister to their pavement.


"You one-balled freak!!!" Screamed his sister.


He suddenly stopped mid-way across the balustrade of their winding stairs then proceeded to open his room and shut out from the world. 


Oh! The nerve of that faggot! Alexa, fuming madly and placing her hands on her sides while trying to pick her balance but what Miguel just did made her reminisce their childhood past.


She could still remember when they were barely stepping primary level: Alexa was in prep while Miguel was in kinder. They were inseparable. He would always go to her class during recess and they would eat together for the whole thirty minutes. She also remembers how her younger brother never really was too fond of people, being in a patriarchal locality really has its benefits and disadvantages. He barely plays with other kids their age aside from their cousins and he stays away from kids even his parents introduce to him. He was really a picky, picky child. But somehow it lessened when their cousins started playing sports, well, more particularly soccer from there they met a lot of children around the neighborhood - social status was inexistent that time. They did not give a damn whether their playmates had soiled clothes or if they were somehow covered in grease or that their soccer shoes were nearly decapitated. What matters that time was the laughter, the fun, the enjoyment they shared together.


However, as Alexa recalls, Miguel never really liked any contact sports. No, he despised the idea of contact sports from basketball to volleyball to soccer, anything that has got to do with sweat and rubbing with each other's bodies. His playmates would really have a hard time requesting for him to join them. Sure, he would play, but somehow it just does not feel like he's giving it his all. That was what was bothering her for a long time. She was concerned for her brother, being only a brood of two.


And it did not help either that he was getting chubbier everyday. His brother had a voracious appetite. She thought that was only part of boys, hormones and growing up.


Little did she know it would turn into something, hmmm, difficult.




Part 3 

Total Disintegration

The grandest of all schemes shall commence when the perfect time arrives.

Family Untied

Miguel is not what he used to be. During his earlier years of existence he had always viewed the world as a wonderful place to live.


For innocence can be a shield for the realities of life.


He had this smile, so affectionate and pure, it brightened even the gloomiest of environs. Now he uses his smile to make men fall under his spell: a death trap in disguise. Oh, how he had perfected the skill of smile, sex and sleep like nothing happened.


He had a laugh, more of an adorable giggle deemed to mimic that of a child, innocent and bubbly. His laugh now had that twist of sarcasm and pessimism. 


He had this ability to interact with people, his used-to-be best asset. His rapport skills were bar none, his level of interaction was outstanding and his friendliness made even the extrovert, an introvert. But his interaction dropped significantly; he became snobbish, aloof, too proud. He sees to it that he talks to people worthy of occupying his time.


Good Boy. That was what they used to call him inside and outside their home because frankly, he really was just like that, but, when things started to get ugly in their family, when things started to get out of hand, his personality changed. It was not a sudden change but the shift was drastic.


Never was that word uttered again in their household for more than a decade now.


"Resigning from work." That was what he heard one night years back when he was eavesdropping outside his parents room. Some children are like that, Miguel was a curious child. He had a knack for gossips and arguments and anything in between. He heard it quite clear. It was Enrico, his Dad talking.


He was taken aback. With the situation they are in, his Dad wants to resign from work? But why? Was he offered a higher position at another company? Was he trying to put up a business of his own? These speculating questions circled his thoughts that very minute.


"When will your resignation take place?" Sophie asked her husband with a hint of irritability. She scoffed and did not bother waiting for an answer, she proceeded watching a romantic-comedy movie even if she already saw it for the nth time.


Miguel, ears still pressed on his parents door was so curious of what their conversation will bring about for the welfare of their family's future but it was already too late and too noisy because the volume had been turned up a notch.


And that was the last time his father had a stable career. From there all went downhill - from funds to marital relationship to father-children time. He did try again, once, to be a company driver but Enrico did not stay long for pride swallowed him early. 


"You whore, puta, slut!" Miguel heard them like bullet on a desert. The emphasis, he knew they were arguing again about his Dad not finding a job and his Mom having a hard time tightening their belts and making the impossible ends meet but not just that.


He does not remember the exact details though just some of it. It was the time when his mother had been working at a bakeshop in Alabang, a high-end one where clients were mostly around the Alabang Village. She had a good position there, he recalls. A good paying position with a good set of employees and a good Chinese boss who had an affair with his secretary, Marivic. One day Sophie went out of town for a few days with her officemates, she did not ask permission nor inform Enrico and her kids about the trip, lo and behold, a few days later she came back bringing with her otaps, dried mangoes and dried fishes.


That was totally unexpected but being kids who have their yaya to take care of them from morning till night time, it was no problem with Miguel and his older sister Alexa. But their Dad, he, he was infuriated! He cursed every word known on the history of mankind, making unnecessary rude remarks and talking vulgarly for the family members to hear. His anger is palpable from every word he uttered from his mouth couple that with a clenching of his fist and waving it to his wife's face as if threatening her.


"And to Cebu we went to have a company outing." She was explaining the time she left the house to her departure from the airport to what she did in Cebu, in chronological order. Every minute detail she did, she narrated. But Enrico is not an ordinary man, he had been, when they were still going out as a couple, very jealous sometimes up to the point of being suspicious. It comes as no surprise that he was thinking all of the time how Sophie would sleep with men in Cebu, tasting their flesh and making their sweat her perfume.


"Pure, imaginative allegations." She replied furiously to her husband.


"And the bitch denies the facts." His words flung to her like a cannon, trying to strike her each time. 


It was a word war in the making. Growing up and waking up more and more each day to what life really has been offering to them, all the siblings had to do was get up their room and plop their pillows in between their ears. Hopefully deafening words harsh enough even for teens like them would subside and clear the battle field.


A beginning of the end of their family, perhaps?


Or a start of the worse to come?




Part 2

Family Untied

"Puta..." Miguel said as he took another swig from the bottle of liquor he was holding.


He was trying to wriggle the set of keys he has inside his tightly-fitted denims but has difficulty grabbing them.


"Puta." He cussed again without inhibitions. His voice, louder than the last.


He was drunk, again. His face flush and mood, irritated. One last time, he tried to wriggle the keys from his denim.


"Puta!" He screamed out loud but it was no use, he was too nauseous and too dizzy to even fit his whole hand inside the denim.


With rage building up inside and his insistence to lay on his bed while his head throbbed aimlessly, he banged their gate with the might he had.


And with that he waited for some one to open their gate. Several minutes passed and no light turned on from their dining room.


He banged their gate again with much brute and force, nearly chipping a small portion off their cream-colored gate. He was already furious, downright furious.


For another couple of minutes he waited observantly, keeping his hearing intact and his eyes keen - a tiptoe on the stairs, a flick of a light, an opening of their front door.


Tap, tap, tap. The light footsteps were heard from where he was standing. It was streaming down from their circular stairs, foot after foot on wood, it made its way down to their dining hall in no time.


Miguel glanced who that person is. He couldn't quite figure out the ghostly silhouette.


If it is the influence of alcohol or the tiredness he consumed clubbing or the drugs he sniffed earlier, he does not know.


If it is the father he had always hated, the mother he had always despised, the sister he had always envied, or their maid he had always mistreated, he had no clue.


"Who the f*** is that?"


"Is that person coming towards the door?"


"Why won't it hasten up and open the damn gate!"


Squinting more, Miguel, was still not able to recognize the figure.


While the whitish figure was slowly, painfully, unlocking the wooden door adorned with asymmetric carvings. And the grand door creaked eerily letting a cold, gust of wind kiss the man waiting impatiently outside.




Part 1

Her Name Is Charlene

And I squeezed her hand, tightly. Enough to let her know how hard it will be.


She looked into my eyes with regret, an inevitable regret.


My eyes welling up to the sides. It took me only a minute to let out my emotion.


She understood yet finally let go of the force that had been holding her back.


With one last look at each other, we hugged and that was the last time I saw her.


Except that did not really happen.


By the time she went off aboard the plane, I had work and it was difficult to see her leave.


But we both knew it was for the best.




Charlene had never been that typical girl. She was never typical.


She was not the prettiest nor the smartest nor the most aggressive but she makes up for it when she speaks her mind.

Words flowing out of her lips is nowhere near nonsense.Every word, every phrase, every sentence connotes meaning.

Sure, she is very, very awkward with people but that is also one of the best characteristics I loved about her. The way she starts having a hard time emphasizing what she meant, priceless. Awkward yet a beautiful one.

Although her love for philosophies is something unmatchable up to this date.

Jean-Paul Sartre, Immanuel Kant, St. Thomas Aquinas were just the few that she had always been fond of discussing to people. She could go on and on debating over what these philosophers had put up and never got tired.


Her position on unconditional love is the most memorable, how she would even cite the best examples to emphasize stories of such. Impressive.


She also wants to taste all the cakes the world has to offer!


Undeniably she loved eating cakes, she would taste everything she sees - with chocolate, with fruits, with cream, with liquor - her eyes would glisten preciously every time she would see a cake shop. She is worse than a kid staring outside a candy store, drooling.


Her knack for Japanese Anime had always been quite weird.


She became an obsessive fan, one that can not even be bothered of school works or patient care plans when she is in the zone. Forget it, she would go ballistic if you take her away in front of their television.


What also sets her apart is when young adults her age started ogling over boys, make-up and clothes, she would just shrug off the ideas and get on with her life. Nonchalance at its finest.


Although her personal strength made me draw to her more. Charlene never had a good childhood past, she was always teased a lot, picked on a lot and had been humiliated several times for being somewhat of an outcast. Now most would think she would grow up either to be a dark child or perhaps be ashamed of herself, but she did not. She grew up to be one fine, young and marvelous woman albeit lacking sophistication and style. Nevertheless, she matured physically and emotionally fast. 


Her perseverance to make it to the top is something I idolized about her too! She never got the highest grades, sometimes even struggling by a concept but she would gracefully, non-ostentatiously, convincingly pick herself up and study until she gets to the most complex ones. Well, of course, there's her Anime to perk her up.


The will she has is remarkable. She can be a push over but when she already makes her decision, she will stick to it no matter what the circumstances are. Her assuringly, convicting and persuasive voice will definitely win once someone disagrees.


Sometimes, I think would she have stayed here in the country, then life would be a lot easier for both of us. We always were there for each other, even up to a point of scrubbing each others' backs but for all I know she could have mustered all that she can to face the realities of living independently by being on the west side of the world, caring for the sick, dying and the elderly. And staying there for good.


But I know she will always have a best friend here in the east waiting for her if she comes back. For good. :)


"Migrants, I think are never whole, never completely in one place. Ours is a fractured existence." - Caridad, The Last Time I Saw Mother by Arlene J. Chai

Biggest Dilemma

There are 93 million Filipinos.


Thirty out of One Hundred Filipinos live with wages below the minimum level.


These families live in congested, unsanitary and unhygienic places not only in the metro but the farthest regions of the country.


The children, consisting of the largest number in the household barely goes to school, some, if not, most of them help out their parents through scavenging garbage in the dump sites, collecting garbage from house to house, begging along sidewalks and open establishments and handing out letters to masses in buses and jeeps.  


Then why are people still not open to the idea of the Reproductive Health Bill?


Are we that blind to see that the country is hastily falling in a pit of no return? 


Of death? 


Of tumultuous consequences?


For years, we have seen how the population ballooned to enormous proportions, how the statistics massively increased in numbers, how the Filipinos strive just to get by a meal.


Yet, failure to notice, or even failure to acknowledge the facts is a shameful, shameful idea.


The Reproductive Health Bill's main principle is to promote and educate the people about medically and legally safe methods of natural and artificial family planning. It never intended to make way for abortion, nor make way for anti-family and more importantly, never intended to make way for anti-life.


However, no matter how you illustrate, elaborate, even reiterate these ideas, they still would not open up their minds and hearts. And it gets really frustrating up to a point that people need to stand up and fight for what might be for a better future of our over-populated country.


For the sake of the betterment of this country, we wish not to place blame on these people who are trying their best to halt and worse, ex-communicate people who are just doing what they positively know would help each and everyone - fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, illiterates, literates, rich, middle-class, poor, poverty-stricken families, well-off families, blue-collared workers, white-collared workers, sex workers, Christians, Muslims, atheists, agnostics, ethnic tribes, people with vocational degrees, people with college diplomas, people with graduate degrees, cigarette vendors, sampaguita vendors, women with a single child, women with multiple children, primipara's, multipara's, the ligated ones, women who are thinking of ligation, men who need to control the size of their families, couples who are just starting to build one   - literally, everyone. For reproductive health affects even those still in conception.


Responsibility, awareness and understanding are key words that we have to learn to live by. These would be our weapons of choice to make the Filipino lives better in any way we can. Health Education through spreading it will greatly help and not only are you helping people who do not have an idea on raising families and providing adequate support but you are also helping yourself. Think about it, you can learn a multitude of methods, techniques, ways, strategies on the concept of Family Planning plus learning about  people's different lives can be quite interesting: why they chose to live like that, what drove them to be like that, how does it feel to be like that? These questions are not judgmental, they can be applied to every single human creature.


We are here to make a difference, please, stand up and make a good difference.