Anicca

Aniccā vata saṅkhārā, uppāda vayadhammino
Uppajjitvā nirujjhanti, tesaṃ vūpasamo sukho

"Impermanent are all component things. They arise and cease, that is their nature. They come into being and pass away. Release from them is bliss supreme."

- Taken from Samyutta Nikaya, The Connected Discourses of the Buddha

Everything in our lives is impermanent...

So it was...

So it is...

And so it shall be...

For when there is sadness,

There is also happiness.

For when there is emptiness,

There is also fullness.

This is not pessimism.

It is precision.

How many of you have heard, "Happy and Content"?

You see, happiness is a feeling.

And feelings are impermanent.

Just like our situations in life.

Pero kasi we also have to reflect on this...

Hindi ka pwedeng laging maging masaya.

That is realistically impossible.

Napaisip talaga ako ng malalim dito.

For years, I have been telling myself this.

To be Happy and Content.

Pero kung kuntento ka na, masaya ka rin ba?

O kung masaya ka na, kuntento ka na rin ba?

Do they always need to go hand-in-hand?

Pero what if, kuntento ka lang.

No emotions attached to it.

There is nothing to it.

Posible nga ba ito?

Ang hirap sagutin sa panahong ito, ano?

In this modern time that we are living in, there will always be an emotion/pakiramdam na kasama.

That`s what makes us humans after all.

And lately, life has been difficult.

Probably because my expectations were too high, or my expectations were too many, or I was just expecting in general.

1. Pending Citizenship - emailed me that they need some documents which I already sent before. Lahat ng hiningi nila, I sent it all. And now they needed some documents again. Kaloka. Parang Pinas lang. Na akala mo naman na niloloko sila! Eh kung yung ibang Nationalities nga ang bilis-bilis nilang magbigay ng Passport KAHIT hindi marunong makapagsalita ng Aleman (Ukrainians, Asylum seekers and Refugees from war-torn countries), ako pa kayang mahigit limang taon nang naninirahan dito at nagtatrabaho ng maayos sa ospital. At hindi lang yun, they also take some of my tax money for their gain. Kaya alam niyo na ha, hindi nakakatuwa yun kasi marami kang nakikitang mga tatamad-tamad who live off on other people`s taxes for them to live in their own bubble.

HELLO GERMAN GOVERNMENT? WACH AUF!

2. Overwhelming loneliness - not family-related. Just this indescribable feeling of isolation even with regular contact with people. Pero iniisip ko rin kung walang kalungkutan, hindi mo rin malalaman ang kasiyahan. So for now it is tolerable kahit minsan napakatagal kong nag-iisip ng aking buhay na tatanungin mo na lang ang sarili mo na ,,G, kaya mo pa ba?"

3. Scammers all around Europe - been perfume-scammed again for the 4th time now and it has been absolutely disappointing - yung tipong mapapatanong ka na lang kung ,,Tao pa ba itong mga ito?"

4. Bachelor`s degree not accredited - ito talaga ang pinakamalaking suliraning kinakaharap ko ngayon. Ang tagal-tagal kong pinroseso mga papeles ko sa Pinas upang makilala nila ang aking Diploma, pero sabi eh hindi raw sapat ang aking pinag-aralan sa Pinas kahit may Units pa ako ng aking Masteral. Siyempre mayabang ako. At bakit hindi? Pilipino ako. Ibang level ng pag-aaral ang ginawa natin sa Pilipinas para lang makapagtapos ng Bachelor`s degree. Ang Nursing kasi rito, tulad ng Pharmacy, Rad. Tech, Med. Tech at marami pang iba ay considered Vocational lamang. Hindi naman masama iyon, honestly. Pero siyempre we have to dream big. Go Big Or Go Home, ika nga. Pwede naman akong kumuha ng Weiterbildung rito, pero hindi pa rin siya credited as a Diploma. So ngayon, aayusin ko ang aking Bachelor`s dito na kailangan kong kunin ng 3 Semestre. And it costs a lot of money, time and effort. Kaya siguro banas na banas ako dahil I have experienced it before. Probably kung ipapagpatuloy ko yung Master´s dito, pwede pa. pero balik Bachelor`s ist echt bekloppt. Oh well. Bansa nila ito. Wala naman tayong magagawa. Kahit lilipat ako ng bansa like Austria, Switzerland, etc., ganoon pa rin ang magiging kalalabasan kasi nga hindi naman ako nag-K12.

Anicca...

Hinga ng malalim...

And everything too shall pass...

Because everything is temporary.

Your dire situation.

Your loneliness.

Your challenges.

Iikot at iikot siya.

But pray. Pray not only for a better life, but a stronger life.

That you can overcome all of these with a mindset of a buddhist monk.

So that when something uneventful happens, you have the right tools to deal with it.

Kaya nga masasabi kong kuntento ako ngayon.

Hindi masaya, hindi malungkot.

Hindi puno, hindi rin kulang.

Hindi nabibigo, hindi rin umaasa.

Pero buhay pa at lumalaban.