Lifeline

 Was ist los?

Was passiert ist?

Was machst du?

Ehrlicherweise habe ich keine Ahnung.

I am lost. Feeling overwhelmingly lost. I have been for the past month or two.

I have lost interest in most of the activities I have adored: reading books, reading medical researches, journaling, playing video games, meditating.

All gone.

What's left are my new best friends to comfort me through this phase: Escitalopram, Sertraline and Mirtazapine.

When I was living in the Philippines, my depression and anxiety was very well-controlled. I rarely took my medication. Twice a month at most.

Now, I am taking them daily just to get by. And it kills me to say, I have become dependent on them.

They keep me from having bad thoughts, keep my mood level elevated, and help me sleep at night.

I don't know. I don't really know what's in store for me. I don't even want to think about it.

All I know is life is not enjoyable right now. No matter which perspective I see it.

But I'm still here. I'm still breathing and living.

Perhaps there is still hope.

Vielleicht...