The Aging Post

"We're not invincible anymore, K."


It was a Sunday night. I went to see a good friend whom I haven't seen for more than half a year.


The weather was chilly. But the night was perfect for a glass of wine.


"Hay, totoo yan G. And I have realized that this past 2018."


K looked at his glass of wine. He swirled it lightly. The wine twirled around the shape of the glass like thin blood.


"I had two painful deaths this year, one was a good friend of mine and the other was an aunt whom I have been very close to. They were treasures to me."


He walked to his table. There was a Funko Pop Maleficent doll placed atop.


"This is my remembrance from my friend, D."


Tinignan ko si K. He looked at the doll and looked outside the window.


"Ang hirap pala G ano? When you die para kang isang memorabilia. Pinapunta kami ng kapatid ni D sa bahay, pinapili kung anong mga gamit gusto namin. Tapos yung mga hindi na makukuha, itatapon. Ititira ang isang litrato sa kwarto."


Makulay.


Nakangiti.


Inosente.


Nakalipas.


"My deepest condolences to D's family. K, ganyan ang buhay. We are mere mortals after all."


"Totoo yan."


He drank a bit of wine.


Bumalik siya sa upuan.


"Ikaw, kamusta kayo ng date mo? Happy?"


Typical K. He always asks me this. Mga 1,000,000 times niya na itong tinanong. Natutuwa pa rin ako pag tinatanong niya ito.


"I am. I truly am." I smiled at him.


"Pero ganoon talaga K, you really have to put effort."


"Paano'ng effort?" He asked.


"You know waking up para lutuan siya ng ulam and then ihahatid ko sa work on Sunday morning. I have never done this before. Never done this before."


Napatawa kami.


"OMG you turning a new leaf? This seems so...Not you!"


Tumawa ulit kami.


"Hoy! I know I've been selfish before pero things are different now."


I chuckled while looking at my wineglass.


"Iba pala dati K. I didn't know what effort was. Kaya nga siguro it didn't work out before. I lacked effort. I was at the center of my own universe."


I smirked.


"And we all learn from them dear." K replied.


Lumalalim ang gabi habang lumalalim rin ang aming usapan.







Part 1

Kahapon

"G?" C texted me the other day.

"Yes dear?" I replied.

"Did the ex who cheated on you tried to reconnect with you? You know...wanting to get back?" She asked.

"Not anymore dear. Not anymore. I wasn't looking for answers anymore."

Naisip ko kasing kahit na magpaliwanag siya, natalo na ako. But that doesn't mean I lost the fight. I just gave way to his real partner.

"Pero bakit ganoon ano, G? Bakit ang bilis nilang maka-move on?"

"Kasi ganyan ang tao. Kasi meron na silang bago. Feelings and emotions change overnight and overtime. People gets replaced. Masakit pero totoo."

I told her bluntly. There was no beating around the bush anyway.

"Hindi ko kasi maintindihan."

I could sense her message: confused and disoriented.

"Ano ang hindi mo maintindihan?" I asked her to elaborate.

"Hindi ko siya maintindihan, G. Nagloko siya tapos humihingi siya ng tawad. He wants to reconnect pero para sa akin ayoko na. He was even messaging my kid and my close colleague. Nakakaloka."

"So what's your issue then?"

"Na hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga gagawin ko. I keep telling myself it's over but at the end of the day...I go back to square one."

Naiintindihan ko siya. Sobra. Yung pakiramdam mong you're okay, the world is okay, the day is okay. You thought it's going to be okay. But when the night blankets the day, iniisip mo pa rin siya at ang mga alaala ninyo.

Mag-mo-moment ka sa may bintana.

Hihinga ng malalim.

Titingin sa malayo.

Hihikbi ng tahimik.

Masasaktan at maguguluhan ka nanaman.

Tama siya, back to square one.

"Dahil mahal mo pa siya?" Tinanong ko ulit.

"Ang alam ko ayoko na rin. Kahit mahal ko pa, ayoko na."

"But what's stressing you out? I don't understand you." I told her.

"Maybe I needed his stories to come out of his mouth directly. Maybe I need to see him and end it altogether."

"Ah, closure. Tama ba?"

"Yes, I think that's the right term G."

"Bakit kailangan mo pa ng closure, C?"

"Para masampal ko lang sa mukha niya mga pinaggagagawa niya."

"Would that change a thing? Makikipagbalikan ka ba if he told you the truth about his affair?"

"No."

"Then so be it. I wish you find your closure soon, C. And I wish you happiness you deserve."

We cannot argue with emotions. That is what she was feeling at that moment, then we have to understand and respect that.

Sometimes we know the ending to our stories, the chapters are already there as well as the conclusion.

But sometimes we need someone to retell again the stories from others. We validate what was already validated.

For our stories are only half of the whole. Perhaps.

"You know I want you
It's not a secret I try to hide
But I can't have you
We're bound to break and my hands are tied" - Rewrite The Stars by Zac Efron and Zendaya