To Where Life Leads Us

"Iniwan ko ang lahat..." The caretaker from Siquijor said to me while I waited for my ride back to the port.

I looked at her while she sat by the window and waited for a text from her son, her sibling who takes care of her son or from other people needing to book the place.

She inhaled deeply.

"Sa huli, iniwan din ako. Eh di binigay ko na lang din siya sa kabit niya."

She smiled faintly.

I smiled back.

"Pero ang hirap pala nun, ano? Para kang mababaliw. Asa Saudi ka nagpapakahirap para sa kanila tapos malalaman mong may iba nang nilalandi asawa mo."

She looked outside the house and looked back at her phone.

Tumingin ako sa oras - 9:15 na ng umaga - 9:30 pa ang dating nung tricycle driver.

"Kaya po ba umuwi kayo agad?"

"Oo," She said with conviction. "Umuwi ako, iniwan ko ang trabaho ko at ang kontrata ko. Nawala na ang lahat."

"Ano na pong balak niyo?" I asked.

"Sasabak ako ulit. Kailangang makalabas ulit ng bansa. Ngayon para lang sa anak ko."

"Pero wala na po ba kayong makitang ibang trabaho bukod dito?"

"Maliit. Kulang. Hindi sapat para sa gamot ng anak ko. Naubos ipon ko sa kanya"

I nodded and understood her.

Her son has juvenile diabetes.

"Pero buti buhay po ang anak niyo." I replied.

She gave me the weakest smile, as if my statement gave little encouragement.

"Kaya kailangan makaalis ulit by next year at sana mabait ulit ang amo'ng mapupuntahan ko."

She smiled again.

She told me her employers in Hong Kong and Saudi were wonderful people. She was treated fairly well. She went on to narrate her stories of traveling to Japan, China and London.

"Grabe po kayo! Naunahan niyo ako!" I exclaimed.

"Pero hindi lahat masarap. The moment we stepped at the airport, buhay na kaagad nakataya. Hindi namin alam kung makakabalik pa kaming buhay."

And that is true.

Mukha lang dignified at masaya na makikita mong may dalang malalaking maleta at hand-carry luggages sila at may tatak ang mga pasaporte nila pa-abroad pero hindi nila alam kung kailan sila makakauwi o makakauwi man silang buhay.

"Pero at least, buhay ang anak ko...Buhay pa din ang pangarap ko."

Gusto ko sanang sabihing, "See you next year, ate." Pero mukhang hindi na ito mangyayari muli.

The tricycle driver honked outside. I stood up, got my bag in the room and bid them farewell. And happy trip. To both of us...

'You haven't stopped being a child. You still think that home, at the end of a long journey, is a place where a man finds peace.' - Andrea Doria, The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie

Flirty One

"Moi, I just turned 31. Grabe ano? Parang kailan lang I turned 30. And now I'm a year older and hopefully wiser," while eating a plate of vegetarian curry in Casablanca, Dumaguete.

I met up with my friend for some lunch and drinks while waiting for my flight back to Manila.

"So anong mga realizations mo?" He asked while savoring his Frutti di Mare.

I spooned some of the curry sauce placed it over the rice and ate.

Anu-ano nga bang mga realizations ko?

"First, I realized that at our age, kailangan nang mag-set ng expectations especially sa relationship!"

We both laughed.

"Totoo naman, when we were younger it was all about ego to ego - kung hindi nagkasundo then break na. Kaloko."

"Second, and I am not sure the reason why but younger guys these days tend to go for guys like us..."

"Napansin ko din." Moi chimed.

"Di ba? It's so weird. Like guys from their early 20's would message me."

"I know! I get the same here too. Pero ako kasi I like guys my age or even 2 to 3 years older," He added. "So, kamusta naman ang pag-iisa mo sa Siquijor? Happy?"

"You know Moi, it's really all about adjustment." I played with my food a little. "I felt the adrenaline rush when I was going back because I have a lot of activities planned pero the moment I hit the sack, I felt lonely for some reason."

I took another forkful of the curry.

"Then I realized, ganoon talaga kasi I am not used to being alone. Even when I'm at home, I still live with everyone. So I guess what I felt was what I also felt when I was in Cebu for the first few days."

Moi just looked at me.

"Pero masaya. I couldn't have spent a better birthday being alone and doing the things I like."

"So going back, ano pa ang realizations mo?" Moi again asked.

"Third, that no matter how painful the past, a lesson can only be learned. I don't know if you knew this back but I actually have depression. And you know, the bad breakup really amplified everything."

"Ay! Alam ko yan. I remembered Karl messaging me and telling me to text you, but I was still shy back then because we're not close."

"Oh! Well thank you for telling me that. Natutuwa ako kahit papaano."

"Pero at least, masaya ako. May nakilala ako recently and, well, he makes everything, my everything...alright.

I smiled to Moi and finished our meal before hitting the drinks.

Life Is Not Measured By the Number of Breaths We Take, But By the Moments That Take Our Breath Away